Dying…

YeshivaGuy wrote on 12 Jul 2021 06:39:

Call Hatzalah! 

...or a friend

Baruch HaShem stayed strong.
Looking forward to a better day bezras Hashem.

YeshivaGuy

I’ve had a good day thus far, Baruch HaShem.
The Yetzer is pulling at my emotions, making my heart start pounding as I’m doing different things.
Need to stay extra strong until the end of the week.
Because once I’m in camp I’ll be in a bunk with campers, and I’m much much less likely to masterbate in bed with people around.

Will stay in touch,

YeshivaGuy

10 Days clean, Baruch HaShem.

Today I went to a certain place for a doctoras appointment. That city/area has a lot of pritzus… I wasn’t even ready for it as I’m either just in Yeshiva or at home, no one really walking around near me.

Was very difficult. Seeing certain women who looked “perfect,” or “exactly my taste.”
I will say that I managed to one time take off my glasses for a few moments while a very very attractive woman walked by.
Was very hard… I felt like I just needed to “chap arain.”
I will also admit, that I felt jealous of goyim who can just do whatever they want. It feels like they get to enjoy such amazing pleasures, while I need to abstain…

Anyway, now I’m back home.
I’ve got taiva after being in that place today, and as I’ve mentioned before, we have completely unfiltered internet here (though the computer in the room next to me is gone for some reason, so would need to sneak elsewhere).
Bh the rules I set in advance have kept me safe from that, but masterbating is the real struggle now…

Will keep y’all posted.
Thanks!

YeshivaGuy

Bh still clean.
Late last night before going to bed, I sensed that I felt like I didn’t do anything “fun” that day.
In the past that emotion has caused me to end up Masterbating so that I can enjoy a shtikl.

So instead, I watched on the tv documentaries of North Korean Defectors (super interesting).
Bh was clean.

Im posting this to make the point that being in touch with ones emotions and “listening” to ones Self, is essential in being matzliach in this inyan, as well as in other parts of Avodas HaShem.

YeshivaGuy

Agreed! the problem with me is I start "exploring" the web and even with a good filter I'm headed in a bad direction....

Smokey wrote on 14 Jul 2021 20:01:

So would I…
Our TV can access YouTube but not internet browser.
In the past it was a massive problem, but now the TV in the side room is gone and I used the one in the living room where anyone can come any moment.
Though, if I was home alone it would still be an issue.

Definitely though, if I wasn’t home with people with the fear of being seen, then doing what I did would’ve likely ended badly…

Interesting.
There’s a cleaning lady at our house, and I’m struggling to see her as a regular person and not some sex monster which wants to seduce me…

be like yosef hatzaddik

eyes wrote on 15 Jul 2021 15:42:

Take off my jacket and run?

YeshivaGuy wrote on 15 Jul 2021 16:12:

And shout at the top of your lungs with a shalsheles
וווויייייימממאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאאן .

Baruch HaShem doing well.
Going to camp tomorrow.
Hopefully being busy will help in these inyanim.

Met with my psychiatrist last night. Working things out, and hopefully seeing a certain specialist for things in Elul.

Will be in touch.

Hatzlocha,
YeshivaGuy

Hey guys, 
Baruch HaShem I’m 15 days clean. Haven’t gotten past this threshold in awhile so I hope to change that.

I’m in camp, the campers are all coming soon.
Im abit nervous as I’ll have a lot of responsibilities and will be very very busy.
I’m also nervous like maybe they won’t like me or something, idk it’s prob just my low self esteem talking.

Will be bkesher!

YeshivaGuy

Baruch HaShem doing well.
First time I posted here on GYE was a year ago on יד אב תש״פ, so it’s been a year.
Things are going well bchasdei HaShem.

Have a wonderful Shabbos!

YeshivaGuy