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Make it to Yeshiva
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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 28166 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Jan 2021 23:11 #361820

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Jan 2021 18:32:



Thanks, I do, I think it’s a deeper problem that I have. That I’m never satisfied with accomplishments and have a voice inside my head always saying I’m a failure 

Oy! Another perfectionist like me. Every accomplishment really isn't good......
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Jan 2021 23:17 #361822

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 24 Jan 2021 23:11:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Jan 2021 18:32:



Thanks, I do, I think it’s a deeper problem that I have. That I’m never satisfied with accomplishments and have a voice inside my head always saying I’m a failure 

Oy! Another perfectionist like me. Every accomplishment really isn't good......

perhaps, I thought the same, now and a few times before, from other posts, as I am suffering from this attitude too. @yeshivehguy might be a good idea to look into this possibility perhaps talk to @hhm or @excellence they both wrote about their experiences in this area.
Last Edit: 24 Jan 2021 23:22 by Sapy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Jan 2021 23:58 #361826

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Yaa wrote on 24 Jan 2021 23:11:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Jan 2021 18:32:



Thanks, I do, I think it’s a deeper problem that I have. That I’m never satisfied with accomplishments and have a voice inside my head always saying I’m a failure 

Oy! Another perfectionist like me. Every accomplishment really isn't good......

It’s deeper than that I think.. it’s that I b’etzem am a failure... idk waiting for the email back from therapist

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 00:00 #361827

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I was always a failure too.........In yesod, b'etzem, in the din and the cheftza......
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 00:40 #361829

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A Krumme Svara
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

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Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 00:41 by Gevura Shebyesod.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 02:27 #361831

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Jan 2021 23:58:

Yaa wrote on 24 Jan 2021 23:11:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 24 Jan 2021 18:32:



Thanks, I do, I think it’s a deeper problem that I have. That I’m never satisfied with accomplishments and have a voice inside my head always saying I’m a failure 

Oy! Another perfectionist like me. Every accomplishment really isn't good......

It’s deeper than that I think.. it’s that I b’etzem am a failure... idk waiting for the email back from therapist

Wow look at the power of the Yetzer - the guy who pulled off quarantine in the RV ( among many other incredible acts
of strength) calling himself a failure .. if you would read through your thread but it was written by someone else you would be mighty impressed such as we are .
But all the same I understand where your coming from 
and I have had similar struggles questioning my accomplishments   and self worth   , I hope you realize your special value that you bring to the world and keep attaining greater heights 

Hatzlacha holy brother
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 02:28 by i-man. Reason: Lousy typing on app

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 02:30 #361832

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i-man wrote on 25 Jan 2021 02:27:



Wow look at the power of the Yetzer - the guy who pulled off quarantine in the RV ( among many other incredible acts
of strength) calling himself a failure .. if you would read through your thread but it was written by someone else you would be mighty impressed such as we are .
But all the same I understand where your coming from 
and I have had similar struggles questioning my accomplishments   and self worth   , I hope you realize your special value that you bring to the world and keep attaining greater heights 

Hatzlacha holy brother

Masterpiece i-man, a masterpiece!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 03:20 #361837

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Thanks for the kind words. I hate to play devils advocate, especially cuz like, it’s the devil...

But Theres many other parts of Avodas HaShem and just cuz u guys see I’m shteiging in one particular area, doesn’t mean I’m such a special and accomplished guy.
Obviously I know this stuff is extra choshuv etc...
Im just saying that it’s very nice that I’m doing well in this stuff, but I’m not some massive tzadik. I got a lot of middos to work on- chesed,savlanus etc etc. gotta work on my bitachon, on my learning/Tefilla etc. 

So I overcame some hard nisyonos, nu nu.
Hows my learning? Davening? Middos?
A couple of nisyonos sure ain’t making me a Talmud Chacham or getting me to Olam Haba!


I know I’m being hard on myself again.
This is part of the issue.
Sorry for rambling.

Im aware that bchlall I don’t appreciate my maalos. My therapist advised me to first speak with my Rebbi, which I will bezras Hashem do tomorrow.
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 03:23 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 03:30 #361838

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It’s not like I’m some massive masmid and Baal middos who for some strange reason doesn’t appreciate his maalos.
Im a stam guy. Ok so I’m a little matzliach in learning (when I learn) and haven’t masterbated recently.
Doesn’t seem like there’s much to be proud of.
But I know, y’all are thinking “everyone has maalos to be proud of”
That sounds sweet but I’m not buying it.
I think some people are just poshut failures. Inside and out. 

Anyway, I’ll spare u guys my negativity. Especially cuz I’m not thinking straight and prob don’t beleive what I’m saying
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 03:31 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 05:27 #361854

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Here’s a look at my mind right now as I lay in bed:

Yetzer: hey I see ur down
Me:yup really feel horrible, will speak to Rebbi tomorrow 
Yetzer: great idea. Why not masterbate now though so you’ll get some relief? After all these emotions aren’t your fault, you need a break
Me: hahaha! Halarious, dude u think I’m gonna be nichshal now just cuz I’m down. What shaychus?
Yetzer: well ur in pain, and anyways ur a failure in other parts of ur Avodas HaShem. I mean, u even missed night seder!
Me: 1. Just cuz I’m a failure (which is debatable) in some parts of life doesn’t mean I should fail here!
2. Being nichshal now will make me feel so so horrible 
3. This isn’t the way to deal with problems. An “ever” is to be used for Kedusha. It’s not a toy to be played with when one is down.
Yetzer: ok fine, u got a point. But if u change ur mind let me know
Me: lol! Ya right bud, have a gn
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 05:32 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 05:39 #361857

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You have a conversation like that, you even post it for everyone to see, and you try to say you’re a failure??????
You’re currently on the level of Yosef HaTzaddik by saying no to your Yetzer Hora! Not stam.
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 05:41 #361860

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Thanks, but I think Yosef Hatzadik got up for shachris and went to Night Seder...
Pardon my illogical negativity. I appreciate your kind words
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 05:42 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 05:43 #361861

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:41:
Thanks, but I think Yosef Hatzadik got up for shachris and went to Night Seder...

Source?
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
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WDHW!!!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 05:45 #361863

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Bigmoish wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:43:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:41:
Thanks, but I think Yosef Hatzadik got up for shachris and went to Night Seder...



Source?

Lol
I think that’s the pashtus 
After all, ״לא עם הארץ חסיד...״
Last Edit: 25 Jan 2021 05:47 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Jan 2021 05:53 #361864

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:45:

Bigmoish wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:43:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Jan 2021 05:41:
Thanks, but I think Yosef Hatzadik got up for shachris and went to Night Seder...




Source?

Lol
I think that’s the pashtus 
After all, ״לא עם הארץ חסיד...״

He also probably knew that beating himself up over little things was counterproductive. Go to sleep, and get to shacharis and seder tomorrow.

"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!
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