I just want to add that there are two functions of GYE, one is to get helped and one is to help others. 
If someone is here only to help themselves, he should leave as soon as he feels he doesn't need to be here anymore. But if you are here to help others, then there is no reason to leave (unless you are finding that you are not making any progress here and are moving on to something else). 
What I found is that after I graduated that initial stage, the best way to keep myself in check and remind myself about all the things that I really know but tend to forget, is to hear about other people's stories and post about mine. I try to help a little but deep down I know that if I wouldn't stick around it wouldn't be long before I forget all that I have learned.

Don't leave just because you graduated, that's a little selfish. Leave if it's taking over your life one way or another, that just means GYE is not the answer.

So, why are you here?

wilnevergiveup wrote on 16 Nov 2020 05:19:

Thank you. If you look around the forum I think you can figure out if I'm only here for myself 

Grant400 wrote on 16 Nov 2020 05:48:

Precisely my point! 

But at the end of the day, only you can answer that for yourself.

Speaking for myself, "GYE forum addiction" eventually recedes. Being that as great as GYE is, it does not have the adrenalin gushing thrills that pornography, drugs, alcohol, or gambling have, one slowly acclimates to a healthy balance of trying to help others/share struggles/receive chizuk without letting it overtake one's life. Just my experience....

Grant, don't you dare disappear!

Hey there. I'm struggling. I haven't watched a regular movie (alone) in 4 1/2 months. But I'm stuck at home this week and I feel my ironclad resolve slowly starting to wither. I'm bored and I'm trying to convince myself that I will only watch completely clean. That i will only do it this week. That my intention was never to stop forever but just for 90 days, and now that the addiction is broken I can be a "social drinker ".

But I know that chances are  once I break it I will slip and slide. So if anyone can help me out here I'd be grateful.

                                   Grant

P.S. If anyone is trying to reach me through the Rocket chat, I'm having difficulty with it and can't log in now. I can be reached at grant.400@yahoo.com.

hey grant, love your posts. thanks!

​i can tell you my experiences with movies. i am a total addict to anything that can keep me from thinking. ive done my share of stopping movies, sometimes for well over 90 days, but as soon as i let it up, im right back to where i started... 

so much so, that ive just started my newest no watching commitment, and my wife asked me if theres any way i can tweak it so i can still watch with her. but i know, that once i go there its all over

its just till the end of the week? hang in there!! read up on something that interests you (a book or articles)? (poetry seems like it might be up your alley and, assuming youve had a standard yeshiva upbringing, most of your talent is natural. id guess theres more than enough on that to keep you busy till the end of the week!) 

Stick to your resolve buddy. We are counting on you. And let's face it, what are the chances that you will only view things that are actually 100% clean? Let's remember  V'lo sasuru aharei eineichem was not said only about pornography.

Hang in there!

I would invite you over for a drink and ice cream  , we can have cholent afterwards...

What are your hobbies? Maybe you can write a new story for the Story Time thread?

Reach out as soon as you see yourself in the wrong direction (seeking, checking out, just checking if a new episode came out... You know what I mean.)

Keep inspiring us!

qwerty123456 wrote on 02 Dec 2020 04:12:

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. I actually do watch with my wife, but it's almost always family friendly and even if there is something here or there it's not a matzav of getting carried away...if you know what I mean.   So far so good. I do know the truth, once I break it I'll be eating double portions to make up for lost time.

About the wife pressuring, my wife actually hates that I don't watch anymore. She feels bad when I'm bored or not feeling well or anything, that I don't have something to be my pacifier and mind number, although she doesn't call it those names. Let's call a spade a spade. But so far I haven't given in because let's face it. Since stopping, aside from lust related issues, including all the the desires to continue, the greatest emotion I've felt is freedom, liberty and the right to pursue happiness. Just joking about the last one. But I've really felt free! I didn't realize what a pressure my "pleasurable free time activity " actually became. Because I had to see this actor, or finish this series etc. But now I feel as if I've been  broken out of King George's shackles.

"No taxation without representation"!!

There I go again...

                                 Grant

Hashem Help Me wrote on 02 Dec 2020 04:12:

But, um, doesn't it seem more innocent?!? I know, I know, I said slowly walking away with my head sheepishly hanging down and a flush or red creeping up my cheeks. I guess I needed that reminder...Thanks.

wilnevergiveup wrote on 02 Dec 2020 07:36:

It'd better be some darn wicked food for me to fly to Israel for! Actually, forget the food the company is more than adequate! I'll ask @Realestatemogul if I can borrow his company jet for a quick rendezvous with Harav Wilnevergiveup.

About a story, it's an idea but I'm gonna get carpal tunnel syndrome typing so much. Maybe I can get the inhouse stenographer Mr. Qwerty to assist. Pending. 

Thanks for the offer! So far I'm still in the game.

                                 Grant 

Hey Grant

I need your advice!
This is my problem.

I'm struggling. I haven't watched a regular movie (alone) in 4 1/2 months. But I'm stuck at home this week and I feel my ironclad resolve slowly starting to wither. I'm bored and I'm trying to convince myself that I will only watch completely clean. That i will only do it this week. That my intention was never to stop forever but just for 90 days, and now that the addiction is broken I can be a "social drinker ".

But I know that chances are  once I break it I will slip and slide. So if you can help me out here I'd be grateful.

                                  AM

What advice would you give me?



Now take that advice, and apply it to yourself.

Hey Grant,

As you know, I myself also struggle with movies. I know how darn hard it is to stop. I had a period of a few years where I abstained from movies/series. But even after a few years, I was sometimes still longing for the screen. Be it the experience of just shutting off my mind to a world of escape or perhaps thinking back to some of my favorite scenes that I miss.

Four and a half months is no small feat. It required real willpower and perseverance to get to where you are now. Congratulations.

But, tell me, my dearest Grant, if you decide to watch a bit now, will you regret it afterwards?

When I started to watch again, I didn’t think that I would be immersed in it so much. I thought that I would have it under control. And in the beginning, I did have it under control. But slowly, it became worse. Until I came to the point where I realized that I was holding at the same point I was holding before my yeshiva years.

Please Grant, don’t make the mistake I made. Don’t start watching again. I know it’s hard. I know you just want a bit to satisfy. But will it really satisfy? I know that in the depths of your heart you don’t want to start again. But it’s sometimes just so hard when it looks so sweet from afar. But how sweet is it truly?

Keep going, you won’t regret it.

anonymousmillenial wrote on 02 Dec 2020 15:51:

Hey Mr. AM!

That's cute! I appreciate what you are pointing out. But we all know that even with the greatest clarity, resolve, experience and understanding when it comes to ourselves we can get all confused. Our emotions wreak havoc on formerly lucid perceptions. Causing transparency to become opaque. Like they say, when in the frame we can't see the picture.

It's a known fact that there are talented therapists who need therapy themselves. Famous Shalom Bayis educators who get divorced after many years of being married. Why is that? How can it be that they have successfully helped hundreds of people over the years with their clear insights and knowledge but they cant use that to salvage their marriage or heal themselves?

The answer must be, that knowledge and the ability to guide other people does not necessarily transform into being able to practice it automatically. Knowledge doesn't have to fight desire, nor must it combat emotion. When one passes on cold hard logic and instruction, it may seem like the person embodies what he preaches. In reality we can only hope so.

So yes, I may be quick to dish out advice. It may even be useful, and I do honestly try my best to live accordingly. As a whole I am successful, but that doesn't mean that I can't still become muddled and confused in the face of desire. I can still use a pat on the pack or a kick in the pants. A reassertion of what I know but may not feel in my bones right now. Just a friendly hey! Hang in there bro we know how you feel.

After being on GYE a while, as a whole regarding the main thrust of the issues here we all learned the truth. We all know were what and why. But we still come back and post. Why is that? Because we aren't seeking more information or better educational advice. We are seeking friends who understand us and can commiserate with us. Who can reaffirm what we already know and remind us of the commitment we already made, or to just give us a hug.

                                    Grant

Truth be told, I wasn't sure whether to post this post or not, for the exact reason that you mentioned in your reply. The reason I did, was that I thought that when we are able to separate our issue from ourselves and view it in an objective way, we are able to see the fallacy in our thinking.
It was meant as a small exercise to help us see the issue a bit clearer. Obviously it doesn't replace validation, warm encouragement and chizuk. 

And with that I want to indeed tell you, that if could I would give you a really big hug. You truly deserve one. You work hard and you really try to help us all here. Don't take it for 'grant'ed (pun intended). 

As always, wishing you all the best and lots of hatzlacha.

AM