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Struggling... I know too much
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TOPIC: Struggling... I know too much 1123 Views

Struggling... I know too much 01 Jan 2020 23:06 #346446

  • TryingToChange1
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Hello everyone,
I just joined and I need help. I’m 27/married and get sucked in about 2-3 times a week to Schmutz I’ve tried filters on my phone, the issue is I’m a web developer and I’ve found a loophole that no filter works for:/ (this is in iPhone) even if I completely lockdown my internet to a whitelist, I still can get shmutz if I want it. I’m trying to quit, but it’s so difficult, especially without a good filter.

Any chizuk and help is appreciated!

Re: Struggling... I know too much 02 Jan 2020 00:45 #346448

  • 360gye
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Hey Tryingtochange1,

Welcome to GYE, and it really shows strength and courage on your part to join and open up about your issues. There are many helpful tools around GYE and i suggest you stay connected and try to keep posting.
I believe that everyone struggling with porn addiction is really using it because of some underlying issue they have-and since they've used it so much it becomes route. Even though you are able to find loopholes in filters, i suggest keeping one installed, and maybe report to someone whenever you struggle/fall/slip. 
I am happy to discuss this more with you at length and stay in touch with you if you are interested...360gye@gmail.com

Re: Struggling... I know too much 02 Jan 2020 04:39 #346460

  • Hakolhevel
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Welcome TTT. What else have you done besides for filters?
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: Struggling... I know too much 02 Jan 2020 15:36 #346471

  • DavidT
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TryingToChange1 wrote on 01 Jan 2020 23:06:
Hello everyone,
I just joined and I need help. I’m 27/married and get sucked in about 2-3 times a week to Schmutz I’ve tried filters on my phone, the issue is I’m a web developer and I’ve found a loophole that no filter works for:/ (this is in iPhone) even if I completely lockdown my internet to a whitelist, I still can get shmutz if I want it. I’m trying to quit, but it’s so difficult, especially without a good filter.

Any chizuk and help is appreciated!

I've found that filters are very important but are never the whole solution. 
You did the right first step by coming here and opening up. Please try to make some meaningful connections here and with Hashem's help you'll pull out like many many other people here.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Struggling... I know too much 02 Jan 2020 22:25 #346478

  • stillgoing
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360gye wrote on 02 Jan 2020 00:45:
Hey Tryingtochange1,
....I believe that everyone struggling with porn addiction is really using it because of some underlying issue they have-and since they've used it so much it becomes route....


Welcome Trying
dittos to the above.

Many of us have found that lust/shmutz is not actually our real problem, but rather its our (broken) solution to our real problem.

I know many people who were really really stuck deep in the shmutz, but managed to get out when they began to dig into their lives and figure out what's really bugging them. 

I remember years ago when I first came to gye, someone asking me "what's really bothering you in life". I had absolutely no clue and thought my life was fine - or should be anyway.  It took a long time of really digging and working on it until I began to discover so many deep seated beliefs, that were really hurting me on a daily basis.  When I began to questions those negative feelings, and work on replacing them with positive ones, I began to suddenly stay clean...

Hatzlacha on your journey. It Is usually a long process. Just make sure that you're not doing the same thing over and over again without any new results on the way.
Sg
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 02 Jan 2020 22:28 by stillgoing. Reason: Forgot the garlic powder

Re: Struggling... I know too much 02 Jan 2020 23:38 #346480

  • cordnoy
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stillgoing wrote on 02 Jan 2020 22:25:

360gye wrote on 02 Jan 2020 00:45:
Hey Tryingtochange1,
....I believe that everyone struggling with porn addiction is really using it because of some underlying issue they have-and since they've used it so much it becomes route....



Welcome Trying
dittos to the above.

Many of us have found that lust/shmutz is not actually our real problem, but rather its our (broken) solution to our real problem.

I know many people who were really really stuck deep in the shmutz, but managed to get out when they began to dig into their lives and figure out what's really bugging them. 

I remember years ago when I first came to gye, someone asking me "what's really bothering you in life". I had absolutely no clue and thought my life was fine - or should be anyway.  It took a long time of really digging and working on it until I began to discover so many deep seated beliefs, that were really hurting me on a daily basis.  When I began to questions those negative feelings, and work on replacing them with positive ones, I began to suddenly stay clean...

Hatzlacha on your journey. It Is usually a long process. Just make sure that you're not doing the same thing over and over again without any new results on the way.
Sg

I've seen that to be true many times, but I've also seen that there are those who use porn and that stuff because it's so enjoyable.

Godspeed to you and all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 04:44 #346484

  • Hakolhevel
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cordnoy wrote on 02 Jan 2020 23:38:

stillgoing wrote on 02 Jan 2020 22:25:

360gye wrote on 02 Jan 2020 00:45:
Hey Tryingtochange1,
....I believe that everyone struggling with porn addiction is really using it because of some underlying issue they have-and since they've used it so much it becomes route....




Welcome Trying
dittos to the above.

Many of us have found that lust/shmutz is not actually our real problem, but rather its our (broken) solution to our real problem.

I know many people who were really really stuck deep in the shmutz, but managed to get out when they began to dig into their lives and figure out what's really bugging them. 

I remember years ago when I first came to gye, someone asking me "what's really bothering you in life". I had absolutely no clue and thought my life was fine - or should be anyway.  It took a long time of really digging and working on it until I began to discover so many deep seated beliefs, that were really hurting me on a daily basis.  When I began to questions those negative feelings, and work on replacing them with positive ones, I began to suddenly stay clean...

Hatzlacha on your journey. It Is usually a long process. Just make sure that you're not doing the same thing over and over again without any new results on the way.
Sg

I've seen that to be true many times, but I've also seen that there are those who use porn and that stuff because it's so enjoyable.

Godspeed to you and all

Are your saying that there are some who go to porn not because they have inner discontent, but rather simply because they just enjoy it?

As in life is great, but it's greater with porn.

I would imagine someone with that lifestyle would have an easier time kicking the habit.
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 05:15 #346486

  • cordnoy
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Hakolhevel wrote on 03 Jan 2020 04:44:

cordnoy wrote on 02 Jan 2020 23:38:

stillgoing wrote on 02 Jan 2020 22:25:

360gye wrote on 02 Jan 2020 00:45:
Hey Tryingtochange1,
....I believe that everyone struggling with porn addiction is really using it because of some underlying issue they have-and since they've used it so much it becomes route....





Welcome Trying
dittos to the above.

Many of us have found that lust/shmutz is not actually our real problem, but rather its our (broken) solution to our real problem.

I know many people who were really really stuck deep in the shmutz, but managed to get out when they began to dig into their lives and figure out what's really bugging them. 

I remember years ago when I first came to gye, someone asking me "what's really bothering you in life". I had absolutely no clue and thought my life was fine - or should be anyway.  It took a long time of really digging and working on it until I began to discover so many deep seated beliefs, that were really hurting me on a daily basis.  When I began to questions those negative feelings, and work on replacing them with positive ones, I began to suddenly stay clean...

Hatzlacha on your journey. It Is usually a long process. Just make sure that you're not doing the same thing over and over again without any new results on the way.
Sg

I've seen that to be true many times, but I've also seen that there are those who use porn and that stuff because it's so enjoyable.

Godspeed to you and all

Are your saying that there are some who go to porn not because they have inner discontent, but rather simply because they just enjoy it?

As in life is great, but it's greater with porn.

I would imagine someone with that lifestyle would have an easier time kicking the habit.

Yes, that's what I'm sayin', doesn't mean it's true however.

And yes, it would be easier to kick such a habit. There are those who simply like doin' these kinds of bad stuff and then they get hooked on it.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 05:36 #346487

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Its good to know that there's another techie out   there who see's the flaws in todays filters. What I recommend is not whitelist, but completely restricting webpages on your iphone. I've had a idea for a few years about how to solve the filter problem but someone beat me to it. I hope to work on this project over my free time. 
If your looking for a alternative to your Iphone, check out the Kosher OS phone, and the light phone 2. 
Another good thing to do is to learn a sefer called עלי העין, or iObserve. It has a great mussar section that really shows you what you can accomplish by being shomer einayim and shomer habris. 
I wish you a lot of hatzlochoh in your journey.

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 07:58 #346489

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Cordnoy
I would imagine you have corresponded,spoke, met, etc. with a large number of us , in your estimation what percentage was using porn&co bec of it just being enjoyable vs using it to deal with a different problem ?

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 07:59 #346490

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Awaiting official CBS response..
(Cordnoy Bureau of Statistics) 

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 15:17 #346500

  • stillgoing
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If someone really wants to watch pornography, I'm not going to tell then to stop.
Chances are that if someone is acting out simply because they enjoy it without any underlying reasons, they'll never bother coming to gye. Life's good.

But if someone is struggling to stop, and they don't want to continue for whatever reason, but they find themselves repeatedly getting sucked back into the sweet (yes, sweet sticky molasses) again and again, something tells me that there is more beneath the surface.

simply from an enjoyment perspective, we do something as long as we like the results that we are getting. If we don't like the results - we stop doing it.
If we 'can't' stop despite not liking the results of the action, there must be another reason that is driving us to continue.


One man's take...
...take it or leave it.

Have a great shabbos :-)
sg
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 17:36 #346503

  • Hakolhevel
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Great post SG.

Might I add, it's also possible I started looking for pleasure ( like when i was younger)  but as I got older , it also because the solution to my problems. Either way doesn't make a difference why I stated, at this point , like you said, if I want to stop and I can't, it's probably not just for pleasure.
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

Re: Struggling... I know too much 03 Jan 2020 19:38 #346506

  • cordnoy
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Hakolhevel wrote on 03 Jan 2020 17:36:
Great post SG.

Might I add, it's also possible I started looking for pleasure ( like when i was younger)  but as I got older , it also because the solution to my problems. Either way doesn't make a difference why I stated, at this point , like you said, if I want to stop and I can't, it's probably not just for pleasure.

Nailed it!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Struggling... I know too much 22 Jan 2020 01:04 #346882

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I've identified myself as having a porn problem...but as much Ive tried (been trying  since joining GYE years ago) I honestly have not pinpointed any "underlying issues" in my life. My life is great - other than my problem with porn.
Am I....
a) not being honest?
​b) haven't looked hard enough?
c) just a guy who really enjoys looking at shmutz and can't break a bad habit?
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