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My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity
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TOPIC: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 282 Views

My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 23 Oct 2019 20:49 #344365

  • AStrugglingJew
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Hi, 
I have b''h reached 121 days, something that I am extremely proud of. I have for the most part employed filters and taphsic to keep myself in check. 

My main issue now is that every few days i will have a day of extreme tayva where I will then try to give into that by having serious hirhurim or lusting over attractive women on the internet. I do not think i will actually fall because I remember how painful it was the last time I fell with a streak of similar length. Remembering that pain really keeps me and check. It was the worse decision of my life and hus brought much struggle to my life. 

The Tayva is very hard because I am single and sometimes I feel like there is no immediate outlet besides giving in. I know it is extremely hard, and a high madrayga, but I am looking to control my tayva when it comes about and be able to subdue it and not fantasize. One of my main motivations is that I want to start dating soon (I am 20) and I want to have a super clean relationship with my future wife. 

If anyone has any tips, that would be much appreciated. Sadly, I don't check GYE as much as I should, so if I don't reply right away it isn't because I don't appreciate it a ton, but rather because I am still working on inculcating GYE in my daily routine. 

Thank you so much. Much Appreciated 

Re: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 24 Oct 2019 13:26 #344411

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Glad to hear you are growing and hope to emulate you. 

Re: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 24 Oct 2019 23:55 #344431

  • AStrugglingJew
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Had a really rough day. Did not fall, but had so much Tayva today that it causes so much stress and tension. My Yetzer Hara is so tricky and gives me so many reasons to fall. I don't want to listen to him, but a part of me does just because it takes so much energy to keep my guard up.  I know I will be sad if I do  though. The battle is really wrecking me. Like people always say that the Tayva will just pat- but recently for me- it has been getting stronger and stronger for a few days now. Again, it takes so much energy and stress to stay clean. Very very hard to handle. Only thing keeping me alive is that I really don't want to ruin this streak- but I do not know if that one motivation will keep me in much longer. What should I do? I need help. I want this to stop

Re: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 25 Oct 2019 01:06 #344439

  • cordnoy
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AStrugglingJew wrote on 24 Oct 2019 23:55:
Had a really rough day. Did not fall, but had so much Tayva today that it causes so much stress and tension. My Yetzer Hara is so tricky and gives me so many reasons to fall. I don't want to listen to him, but a part of me does just because it takes so much energy to keep my guard up.  I know I will be sad if I do  though. The battle is really wrecking me. Like people always say that the Tayva will just pat- but recently for me- it has been getting stronger and stronger for a few days now. Again, it takes so much energy and stress to stay clean. Very very hard to handle. Only thing keeping me alive is that I really don't want to ruin this streak- but I do not know if that one motivation will keep me in much longer. What should I do? I need help. I want this to stop

Sorry to hear that. May I suggest reading the introduction to the White book? Before they get to step one.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 25 Oct 2019 14:02 #344471

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Okay, I will look into that

Re: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 25 Oct 2019 14:02 #344472

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Okay, I will look into that. Thank you

Re: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 27 Oct 2019 01:59 #344511

  • AStrugglingJew
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Never heard of the white book- what is that?

Re: My Journey to 90 and Beyond. Chasing Purity 27 Oct 2019 04:30 #344518

  • grateful4life
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It's the main book used by addicts in the 12 step recovery program of SA.
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