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TOPIC: bipolar/mz"l 1397 Views

bipolar/mz"l 13 Apr 2018 13:00 #329691

  • ILFT-ME
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Hi everyone, I'm in my 20s, Male, single.
I have either mild-to-moderate bipolar (as a psychiatrist claimed) or extreme mood swings. Been on tonnes of medications of which none worked.

I also suffer from:
Social anxiety, ADHD, ODD

I've previously suffered immensely from panic attacks (for around 10yrs of which the first few years were crazy which ruined years of my life (from a human point of view - obviously from G-D's point of view it was all for the best)).
I'm seeing an amazing therapist who successfully helped me overcome the panic attacks and is trying to help me overcome my lifelong social anxiety.
When I told him I was watching p*rn, he helped me stop (basically I had managed to uninstall the filter and was too afraid to tell anyone besides him (and even then it took a few months to work up the courage during which I became more and more addicted to p*rn) but he helped me get around that fear of telling someone and get the filter reinstalled and have someone else have the password) but he told me that seeing as I have social anxiety and therefore crave connecting with people which is very hard to fulfill due to the social anxiety, therefore it is possible I became addicted to p*rn as the content is considered like people connecting, is there any truth in that?

I haven't admitted to him that I have been doing hz"l for 2yrs but i have spoke to him alot about addictions in general and with his help I've been able to reduce the frequency and then stop hz"l except in the following scenario:

If I'm in a negative bipolar mood swing (which coincidentally hypersexual feelings are a common sympton) I can't control myself and stop myself. It is easier to control myself for a week if I don't have a negative mood swing than it is for even 20mins of a negative mood swings+hypersexual feelings. I don't think I'm addicted to hz"l as it seems if I would only have none negative mood swings I would be able to stop completely.

During a negative mood swing my mind turns on a "I don't care" attitude. Therefore if I try tapschic I will just be oiver on the shvuah.

what is the best method to help me stop for my particular circumstances seeing as i dont think this I'm addicted? (current frequency is approx once a week - down from upto 4 times a day)
Last Edit: 13 Apr 2018 14:51 by ILFT-ME.

Re: bipolar/mz"l 15 Apr 2018 23:12 #329803

  • Workingguy
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BipolarMe wrote on 13 Apr 2018 13:00:
Hi everyone, I'm in my 20s, Male, single.
I have either mild-to-moderate bipolar (as a psychiatrist claimed) or extreme mood swings. Been on tonnes of medications of which none worked.

I also suffer from:
Social anxiety, ADHD, ODD

I've previously suffered immensely from panic attacks (for around 10yrs of which the first few years were crazy which ruined years of my life (from a human point of view - obviously from G-D's point of view it was all for the best)).
I'm seeing an amazing therapist who successfully helped me overcome the panic attacks and is trying to help me overcome my lifelong social anxiety.
When I told him I was watching p*rn, he helped me stop (basically I had managed to uninstall the filter and was too afraid to tell anyone besides him (and even then it took a few months to work up the courage during which I became more and more addicted to p*rn) but he helped me get around that fear of telling someone and get the filter reinstalled and have someone else have the password) but he told me that seeing as I have social anxiety and therefore crave connecting with people which is very hard to fulfill due to the social anxiety, therefore it is possible I became addicted to p*rn as the content is considered like people connecting, is there any truth in that?

I haven't admitted to him that I have been doing hz"l for 2yrs but i have spoke to him alot about addictions in general and with his help I've been able to reduce the frequency and then stop hz"l except in the following scenario:

If I'm in a negative bipolar mood swing (which coincidentally hypersexual feelings are a common sympton) I can't control myself and stop myself. It is easier to control myself for a week if I don't have a negative mood swing than it is for even 20mins of a negative mood swings+hypersexual feelings. I don't think I'm addicted to hz"l as it seems if I would only have none negative mood swings I would be able to stop completely.

During a negative mood swing my mind turns on a "I don't care" attitude. Therefore if I try tapschic I will just be oiver on the shvuah.

what is the best method to help me stop for my particular circumstances seeing as i dont think this I'm addicted? (current frequency is approx once a week - down from upto 4 times a day)

You have a therapist- you should really open up and tell him what you need to. Secrets from him aren’t helping you, and secrets in general are toxic. You may have bipolar but some of what you describe doesn’t sound any different than a million people here.

I’ll go out on a limb here and say that if you open up to your therapist, and work on issues of secrets and shame, you will see an upswing in your mental health. 

Re: bipolar/mz"l 16 Apr 2018 01:56 #329806

  • ieeyc
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Workingguy wrote on 15 Apr 2018 23:12:

BipolarMe wrote on 13 Apr 2018 13:00:
Hi everyone, I'm in my 20s, Male, single.
I have either mild-to-moderate bipolar (as a psychiatrist claimed) or extreme mood swings. Been on tonnes of medications of which none worked.

I also suffer from:
Social anxiety, ADHD, ODD

I've previously suffered immensely from panic attacks (for around 10yrs of which the first few years were crazy which ruined years of my life (from a human point of view - obviously from G-D's point of view it was all for the best)).
I'm seeing an amazing therapist who successfully helped me overcome the panic attacks and is trying to help me overcome my lifelong social anxiety.
When I told him I was watching p*rn, he helped me stop (basically I had managed to uninstall the filter and was too afraid to tell anyone besides him (and even then it took a few months to work up the courage during which I became more and more addicted to p*rn) but he helped me get around that fear of telling someone and get the filter reinstalled and have someone else have the password) but he told me that seeing as I have social anxiety and therefore crave connecting with people which is very hard to fulfill due to the social anxiety, therefore it is possible I became addicted to p*rn as the content is considered like people connecting, is there any truth in that?

I haven't admitted to him that I have been doing hz"l for 2yrs but i have spoke to him alot about addictions in general and with his help I've been able to reduce the frequency and then stop hz"l except in the following scenario:

If I'm in a negative bipolar mood swing (which coincidentally hypersexual feelings are a common sympton) I can't control myself and stop myself. It is easier to control myself for a week if I don't have a negative mood swing than it is for even 20mins of a negative mood swings+hypersexual feelings. I don't think I'm addicted to hz"l as it seems if I would only have none negative mood swings I would be able to stop completely.

During a negative mood swing my mind turns on a "I don't care" attitude. Therefore if I try tapschic I will just be oiver on the shvuah.

what is the best method to help me stop for my particular circumstances seeing as i dont think this I'm addicted? (current frequency is approx once a week - down from upto 4 times a day)

You have a therapist- you should really open up and tell him what you need to. Secrets from him aren’t helping you, and secrets in general are toxic. You may have bipolar but some of what you describe doesn’t sound any different than a million people here.

I’ll go out on a limb here and say that if you open up to your therapist, and work on issues of secrets and shame, you will see an upswing in your mental health. 

is this a share or advice?

לב  טהור   ברא   לי   אלקים , ורוח  נכון    חדש  בקרבי

  to all my friends who heeded my request  to be so generous and give me a negative karma  for the sake of me acquiring       
                                                . humility ,i humbly  thank you                                                                                                 

Re: bipolar/mz"l 17 Apr 2018 20:17 #329902

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ieeyc wrote on 16 Apr 2018 01:56:

Workingguy wrote on 15 Apr 2018 23:12:

BipolarMe wrote on 13 Apr 2018 13:00:
Hi everyone, I'm in my 20s, Male, single.
I have either mild-to-moderate bipolar (as a psychiatrist claimed) or extreme mood swings. Been on tonnes of medications of which none worked.

I also suffer from:
Social anxiety, ADHD, ODD

I've previously suffered immensely from panic attacks (for around 10yrs of which the first few years were crazy which ruined years of my life (from a human point of view - obviously from G-D's point of view it was all for the best)).
I'm seeing an amazing therapist who successfully helped me overcome the panic attacks and is trying to help me overcome my lifelong social anxiety.
When I told him I was watching p*rn, he helped me stop (basically I had managed to uninstall the filter and was too afraid to tell anyone besides him (and even then it took a few months to work up the courage during which I became more and more addicted to p*rn) but he helped me get around that fear of telling someone and get the filter reinstalled and have someone else have the password) but he told me that seeing as I have social anxiety and therefore crave connecting with people which is very hard to fulfill due to the social anxiety, therefore it is possible I became addicted to p*rn as the content is considered like people connecting, is there any truth in that?

I haven't admitted to him that I have been doing hz"l for 2yrs but i have spoke to him alot about addictions in general and with his help I've been able to reduce the frequency and then stop hz"l except in the following scenario:

If I'm in a negative bipolar mood swing (which coincidentally hypersexual feelings are a common sympton) I can't control myself and stop myself. It is easier to control myself for a week if I don't have a negative mood swing than it is for even 20mins of a negative mood swings+hypersexual feelings. I don't think I'm addicted to hz"l as it seems if I would only have none negative mood swings I would be able to stop completely.

During a negative mood swing my mind turns on a "I don't care" attitude. Therefore if I try tapschic I will just be oiver on the shvuah.

what is the best method to help me stop for my particular circumstances seeing as i dont think this I'm addicted? (current frequency is approx once a week - down from upto 4 times a day)

You have a therapist- you should really open up and tell him what you need to. Secrets from him aren’t helping you, and secrets in general are toxic. You may have bipolar but some of what you describe doesn’t sound any different than a million people here.

I’ll go out on a limb here and say that if you open up to your therapist, and work on issues of secrets and shame, you will see an upswing in your mental health. 

is this a share or advice?

Both. I’ve had periods early on where I thought holding things back from my therapist was better for me, and then when I opened up to him and my Rebbi, I saw how much better it was to get it out in the open. 

And that seems to be the majority of experiences here, and considering that it is pretty central to the whole effectiveness of therapy, I’m comfortable giving it as advice, because even if it doesn’t improve things in regard to acting out, it will be better for therapy. 

Re: bipolar/mz"l 25 Apr 2018 15:31 #330282

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Welcome! Ditto to WG.  If you have a good therapist, make the best of it.  Keep posting.

Re: bipolar/mz"l 04 Nov 2019 18:11 #344901

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Hi username: Bipolarme,I also have Bipolar and ADHD. I can very much relate to what you are saying (you are not addicted but every now and then have moods where you completely don't care and therefore it seems impossible to get help). Personally, it effects much of my Avodas Hashem...especially keeping Minhagim such as waiting 6 hours after eating meat to eat dairy..to doing anything which is not a clear cut de'oreisa or darabanan..this can even include maariv and krias shma al hamitah. For me I know when my attention deficit is treated with an amphetamine I become a serious Ben Torah. Except for this addiction...but even for the addiction I'M Significantly better..and with meds like depakote it's greatly improved. In general those moods of not caring tend to be less on the amphetamine and my shmiras einayim is better on Vyvanse in particular (as opposed to Adderall). Ritalin makes the issue much worse. I struggle however because the amphetamines tend to make the bipolar worse (as opposed to Ritalin). If you have any advice for me please let me know. Btw this is in response to a post you put over a year ago..i haven't seen the updates in your situation
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