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Addiction? Anxiety? Something else?
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TOPIC: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 18634 Views

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 03 Dec 2017 17:26 #323233

  • Hashem Help Me
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Those 10 days are yours forever. you have a great attitude of starting again right away. Connect to some people here. Add that to your arsenal. Hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 04 Dec 2017 00:04 #323250

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Thank you.
What it's (not) interesting is, that when I was about to fall I didn't care about anything, I knew I will regret it right after (or even before it ends, as it was today) I knew I'm doing a sin, I knew I'm killing my 90 day chart, but nothing kept me from acting out. I guess this is why you should have other methods that helps you fight it - not with reason but - with a language you understand even in that situation.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 15 Dec 2017 05:21 #323793

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חנוכה שמח
 How have you been doing the past two weeks? Recently, one thing that has been helping me stay clean was the following:
The last time that I fell, I fell many more times after that over the next number of days. However much time I spent enjoying as I fell, it was still not that much time. Other than those few moments, my quality of life was so much worse overall. 

When I'm tempted to look at something passing by
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!


I try to remember that by looking, it's going to ignite sexual desire. In turn, that will push me to sin anywhere from forbidden thoughts - to forbidden actions. That will give me a brief amount of pleasure. After that, I'll feel like absolute garbage for days.
But if instead, I look away for those 5 seconds and ask God to help me - because he made me, he gave me this desire, he put that pretty girl in front of me, so now "please God, help me keep me clean" - and don't fall, then I won't feel like garbage. I'd rather miss the momentary pleasure than suffer the pain of negativity in my life.

In either case, I wish you much success.

On another note, because I'm not sure I understand where you're coming from and I'd love to understand you.
Regarding going to a therapist, do you
  1. want to go
  2. Not want to go
  3. Not really care whether or not you go
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 18 Dec 2017 20:22 by bb0212. Reason: I'd like to exercise my rights in the 5th amendment.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 17 Dec 2017 06:07 #323834

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Hi, thank you for thinking about me.
I'm doing OK, my miracle has not happened yet but I'm optimistic. 
In the past 2 weeks I had 2 falls r"l both of them in a time that I had no schedule, it started with browsing with no particular goal & slowly shifted to a certain direction till I fell on a device with a strong filter. The attack when it came was so strong that it didn't need much fuel to burn.
Hashem gave me one gift, the ability to move on after a fall without forgetting about it, meaning I remember the fall & know that I have to improve so it shouldn't happen again but in the mean time not to get stuck & start counting (...) again right away.

All the sensible stuff you wrote in your great post is really helpful when I'm not under attack, but when it comes he don't understand anything, he wants his portion & he want it now.. I try to maneuver it shouldn't happen. When I have free time that I know can end fetal I go on GYE & make headaches for some people by posting on their threads... Otherwise I try not to use the internet without having a clear plan what I will search for etc. (It's very not easy...)

My goal now is to read through the handbook & consider new tools.
I have some news to share that I will leave for another time.

Regarding therapy: yes I want to go (I need it badly)
I spoke to somebody that has a lot of experience in referral, he suggested me a therapist but my rav wanted him to talk to the therapist before to make sure he's good for my particular case, I will start next week iyh.

Thanks again!

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 18 Dec 2017 19:19 #323891

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Keep us posted.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 19 Dec 2017 13:13 #323930

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Hi. I think my experience is very similar to yours, in fact they are almost identical. I used to (now I'm like you trying to make it to the 90th day, and hopefully beyond) browse random webpages until I got stimulated by something that I may not even notice and then begin accelerating down a ramp that leads to a fall. Forget about the filter, it only works when your YH is not strong. When YH takes over you, you will always be able to find a way around that and get to inappropriate content (from my personal experience). You may feel that boredom is the driving factor behind your aimless browsing (that's what I felt) but boredom is such a vague word. For me, it is because I have nothing else to do that is as enjoyable. Falling takes me to another world, one of my imagination. However that is not healthy, I should appreciate the life I have now. There is meaning in many things in our life, such as spending time with family. Of course my parents are not buying me every single gaming console but there is more to life than that. YH keeps driving us to pursue material pleasure, blinding us. That is what happens when I am about to fall, only seeing the pleasure and forgetting the consequences. We should find something meaningful to do to battle the temptation of material pleasure. There are things everyone can do, such as studying the torah and there are things that depends on individual preference. Enjoying meaningful things makes YH weaker. 

PS: On the smart phone issue, I think it means that you can access GYE anywhere but also inappropriate content anywhere. If it is not likely that you will fall outside home, I suggest that you do not buy a smartphone (another reason is that ,for me and many others I know, smartphones don't usually last more than 3 years. Falling onto the ground is one huge threat to its longevity.  If the phone model is not very popular, it will be very difficult to find a screen replacement. Sorry this is way off topic...)
Last Edit: 19 Dec 2017 13:14 by today.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 19 Dec 2017 15:33 #323933

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Hi Guys.

Well there is so many inspiring stories, of people that stayed strong and didn't fall. well for me being on day 93, which by the way, for the last 2 decades i wasnt able to make it this far, but B"h hashem showed me that it is possible. and i hope to continue to pile more and more days. 
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 19 Dec 2017 15:45 #323935

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Thanks.
For me it's not that I have nothing else to do, I enjoy learning Torah (I used to learn a lot), I enjoy reading etc. But when I have too much free time to do what I want (too much time to think...) usually I feel that I want to fall, I feel that I need something more.. more than just reading playing etc. It's probably cuz of my mental issue I may have (depression anxiety or whatever else) meanwhile we have to try to be smarter than the YH & try not to open the door for him, because once you open even just to look who's outside he comes in & takes over the entire home.
BTW, I found that a lot of my falls (& slips) started by viewing my spam emails, I get ads from dating sites etc. I tried to unsubscribe many times but you probably know the results... 

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 19 Dec 2017 15:58 #323936

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tzaddik212 wrote on 19 Dec 2017 15:33:
Hi Guys.

Well there is so many inspiring stories, of people that stayed strong and didn't fall. well for me being on day 93, which by the way, for the last 2 decades i wasnt able to make it this far, but B"h hashem showed me that it is possible. and i hope to continue to pile more and more days. 

Hope to be there in 84 days
BTW, I read your story (from the link in your signature), all I can say is that you deserve the name you gave yourself! Not giving up after trying for YEARS is amazing and inspiring! But the fact that after all that you managed to succeed should be real chizuk to all the strugglers here that even if you keep falling & you don't see the light in the end of the tunnel, here you can see that in fact there is!
Thank you for being here!...

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 19 Dec 2017 18:55 #323947

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Well that name i chose, because that was the role  model i am looking to become. I chose that name, because i want to be a true Eved Hashem and do only always his will. And that is what a Tzaddik is all about (not to confuse with our rebbes calling themselves tzaddikim).
I guess it is inspiring for me as well, that i was able to manage 90 days without a/o, it is truely with hashems help. as chazal say, אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו, אינו יכול לו.
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 21 Dec 2017 06:34 #324059

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Hi, my chart says that I'm 8 days clean BH! My first time I managed to be to 11 second time I fell after 7 days, now is my third time. The last few days I felt that the challenge is becoming harder, I guess that I'm able to go on a week without it & then my struggle starts.
It didn't help me the fact that my wife isn't clean for 3 weeks now...
I hope to overcome that milestone & get very far. Meanwhile, one day at a time, yes today was a good day...
BTW, I started therapy today, with hashem's help this will help me with that struggle as well.
Good night (/good morning )

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 22 Dec 2017 02:23 #324106

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Today I'm excited about something!

For a long time (long before I found GYE) every time my wife started to count I started counting (silently) with her. My goal was to be clean for a week on mikva night (short term goal). Now is the first time I made it!

It doesn't mean a lot for me, I still have a long way to go, but it shows me that I'm making progress & I should really be excited about it.

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 22 Dec 2017 13:43 #324122

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Beautiful news! Nice way to start and an appropriate goal.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 22 Dec 2017 15:05 #324125

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small steps brings big steps. may hashem as he took rubashkin out of jail, may he take out the jail from our insides. amen.
Check out my recovery story at: guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/323855-Re-What-got-me-to-day-92#323859
Feel free to send me an Email at: zestful718@hotmail.com

Re: Addiction? Anxiety? Something else? 23 Dec 2017 18:59 #324131

Hey just read your thread. 
Hope you are matzleach in therapy. 
Seems that your Rav knows at least some of your personal struggles. I think that's great. 
You didn't mention if he knows about this one though. 
My Rebbe once knew almost everything about me besides this struggle. I was urged to do so on this forum and the only regret I have is not doing so earlier. For me it was good letting it out onto someone that I trust. Obviously, this was only a good thing for me because my Rebbe is a very safe person.

Just throwing it out there. Perhaps in your circles things are different. Perhaps it is not the time (assuming you have not done so). Perhaps a million things. But what I have learned here it seems if the person is safe no harm could be done. But see what others say. As Serenity mentioned at the beginning of your thread, don’t go run and do anything just because someone posted to do so.

Wish you well  

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