Hi! i struggle all the time i started at the bottom and i built up in my struggles. I was molested by a guy at age 16 and ever since then i am against the gay mentality. i am always thinking about women. I thought after this guy taught me to masturbate i would of realized this is not what i want to continue to do, but i continued to masturbate because it felt good, and over 10 years later i am better then 3 years ago but i still am week and do stuff time to time. I did therapy it worked at the time a couple of years ago, at that time i didn't have access to internet, then i told my family that i can't be with out internet so they allowed me to have the computer back with protection, but i hacked through the password or i asked my father for it for something and he gave it to me not realizing that was the password to unblock the protection. I believe a person has to want to be helped for it to work. Having protection for me triggered me more and made me very nervous. I done a lot with other women. I am a bad example for our nation. I can tell you something i always am in to davening, this is what keeps me safe i can say. I am the best of both sides. I always eat kosher i just have a weakness in this stuff. Mosiach will resolve this issue. Don't fool your self's

I am telling you from experience. we're living in exile my friends.

Welcome brother! 
we know that Mushiach will solve everything but till then we have to overcome our struggles, and brother, i can tell you, its not easy at all, but remember, 1) you must have the willpower to be clean, 2) take it day by day, only....
stay around, get ideas, ask questions, and you will get cured..
stay strong, stay clean, you can do it...

Welcome Chaver,

I feel your pain. i can relate to it as i have been molested by an older bocur, and by a close friend of my father, which did it in a public mikvah, and also by a 6th  grade Rebbee of mine.

I can also relate to your feeling that this will never change, as i felt so for many years. 

However i can tell you chaver that there is much hope out there. Although we hope Mashiach will come any second and therefore your vow that mashiach will resolve it may be comforting... many have found help and been helped even before his coming...

please read my thread, as well as hundreds of threads of members that have recovered from this garbage.

When i came here, i saw the 90 day chart, and got inspired only by the fact of how thousands of single and married men are clean and sober for longer periods.

so stay here and lets ride our journey of recovery together.