So I fell again. From having lots of good momentum from learning, cutting down on watching stuff and generally keeping busy, I found myself alone while the wife and kids were out, and like a robot, I find myself being tempted into typing lustful terms into my filtered search engine on my phone thinking to myself "I probability wont find anything anyway so what's the harm in searching".

Of course I eventually stumble across something moderately lustful which makes me think "why not just go all the way while I'm here" and find myself acting out to an explicit 'intercourse guide' video which slipped through the cracks. Luckily, I did not orgasm but this did not take away from the disappointment and feelings of being pathetic and worthless after all the good work. 

My problem is not being able to stop at the first obstacle. I allow the YH to take the first punch, thinking I can shrug it off and stop before I become seduced to go 'all the way'. My general family and work life are bh going well so I know that isn't a problem from something deeper. 

I am aiming to going cold turkey on YouTube, Netflix and similar mediums to cut out my loopholes for getting my fix of shmutz. However, I am still left with the obstacles of women in the street and other ways of looking at the forbidden. 

Does anyone have any real-world, practical tips of preventing the 'dipping toe in the water' stage before falling? Men are wired to
look at women inappropriately but I am shocked at how my mind will grasp onto the most mundane and petty sexual sights even when I am not in the mood. 

Thanks for listening!

Don't discount your stopping yourself from going all the way. Every little gain is worth a lot. Removing the ability to access YouTube etc. besides practically assisting as a deterrent, will also give you extra s'yatta d'shmaya. And of course, as all of us, keep davening to Hashem. Before you leave the house, ask Hashem to protect you in the street. Realize that your attempt to keep your eyes and mind clear in this era of immorality is a big catalyst for Moshiach to come sooner.

Thank you for sharing. The reality is that i am powerless over the first drink. Yes, there are temptations but when i start soaking in some lust, i am powerless. Only God can save me. I am an addict. I need to constantly check my self. "Daniel, what is going on? How are you feeling? Are you angry? Are you afraid? A lot of times i escape my emotions and head on a downward spiral to lust. Then i'm a goner.

Feel free to email: dms1234ongye@gmail.com

In my personal experience, watching tv is a big factor in how quickly I'm drawn toward anything sexual. If you're really gonna go cold turkey on tv & movies, I think it's gonna make a huge difference. Good luck!

thanks for the practical advice HHE. As well as deleting YouTube etc the davening part is something I need to focus on. Because of the constant watching (lav davka shmutz) I find it hard to concentrate during davening so I guess I will need to put extra effort in to start with. 

Very true DMS. I avoid asking myself questions at the time of sin and effectively 'distracting' the 'security guard' in my head who knows I am about to do something outside my best interest in the long term. The best way to avoid the first drink is to place it 100 miles away. Thanks

I am seeing exactly that BB. Thanks for the chizuk!

Dailybattle wrote on 10 Jul 2017 06:57:

The first time I noticed that was close to 10 years ago. At the time I had stopped watching tv/movies and a few months later, I realized that I had been clean for longer than ever before. It made me think how that could be, it's not like I was watching porn (maybe I was, but that was part of my acting out, as opposed to watching tv shows). How could a regular TV-14 rated show have such an effect on me? Once I was no longer watching, it was easier to realize. Sex sells. That's a big part of the tv business. On these "family" rated shows, I just felt like it was clean, because it's not as bad as a rated R movie. But in all actuality, they were pushing my buttons. In the limited account of shows that I can think of, 95% of  the female characters (on each show) have different physical features, such as hair color, ethnicity, etc. They're almost never overweight, always looking fantastic, etc. Until I stopped watching, it didn't hit me how powerful these "kosher" shows were.

Even now, where I've been clean for a # of months, I am watching some tv shows and I feel it's effect on me. Since, in every other aspect of my fight, I'm doing my best, I clearly feel the lust coming from the tv shows...

It sounds like you are doing a great job.  I remember the days where as soon as my wife would leave the house, my heart would start pounding...

Keep working on it.  Maybe go back and read your post.  It's the mistake we all make.  Well, it couldn't hurt to just...

I try to tell myself "I cannot afford it".  It will just make me crazy.  Catching things BEFORE they get bigger is a HUGE part of staying clean.  It is much easier to avoid the movie, than to stay clean after watching it.  Avoid triggers at all costs.  Each one has the potential to cause you to act out.

Try to recognize the early warning signs, and find things to substitiute.  Call a friend, read a book, exercise...

Hatzlacha!  It is something we all struggle with to some extent.

bb0212 wrote on 10 Jul 2017 07:21:

Reposting on request :-)
 for those who wonder what's so bad about tv shows or movies without sex or the like in it. It's kosher, right? Wrong. (With few exceptions) 
One thing I didn't mention in the post above, there's a huge difference between an actress on the screen and a female model on the street. 
There can be a girl on the screen and I can stare at her, check her out and she'll never notice that I'm staring. On the street when a pretty girl walks by, I can only check her out so much before it's obvious that I'm staring. Some people clearly don't care, but for me, I don't feel comfortable when it's clear to the world that I have zero control. That holds me back somewhat.