i definitly find music as an healthy outlet,hatzlacha!

Trying to build momentum. 
I think my self esteem may be part of why I struggle. 

I was in Manhatten today. Lots of pritzus on the street. I am not sure if I looked a lot more than I should of, or only messed up here and there. you can not walk on the street without seeing things you should not see. I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed. I feel all stressed, and guilty. Though I am not sure if I should feel guilty, did I mess up or did I do the best possible. What am I supposed to do? Stay inside all summer?  

I used to know a guy who worked at Rockefeller Center who would not leave the building on summer days. He would take the subway, go up, work, go down, go home.

You are calibrated for a certain challenge. Manhattan sounds like a novelty for you. As the mafia says, change ain't good. If you start selling hot dogs on the street in Manhattan you can probably grow to learn not to look. But if you are just passing through I would expect failure.

Dont dwell on yes or no feeling guilty. Be practical. Maybe carry a sefer in your hand. even if you dont actually learn from it (being that you are walking, you have something holy to glance at when "other things" appear on the street, and when waiting to cross the avenue, maybe you will learn a few lines (or say a kapitel if it is a tehillim).

If Hashem gave you (and many others) the Manhattan nisayon, it is because He knows you specifically can be omed b'nisayon. Be proud you were chosen and do the job. His simcha at your kedusha in the face of such filth will be enormous. Who knows how many gezeiros rach"l your actions will be mevatel?

I was 47 days clean, I had good momentum. But over the last few days I fell on my face. 
This is really not easy. 

I have been wasting the past few months, and missing minyan and not learning, this has lead to a negative image of myself which has not helped in any way. 

Another challenge is I have not found a good way to deal with stress. 

Any ideas or thoughts please share. 

I'd give you a big yasher koach for not masturbating for 47 days!

The big fall hasn't happened yet. You can fall much lower from here if the yetzer says "you thought you had done tshuva, but because you only went 47 days it's really worth zero, this proves it won't work out after all, there is no hope for you." Do you see anything irrational in that argument? If your friend said that about himself would you agree with him?

I think "stress" is too generic a word. If you want to make progress with stress you have to look at the situation. What's the situation, what are you feeling as a result, and why are you feeling that way.

You should go to minyan and learn from now on. Davening and learning keeps you thinking straight (I think.)

I've been missing minyan or even not davening at all the past couple of months. Its not like I never daven, just not as much. Now that I think about it, maybe reading a sefer on tefillah will help. I tend to be hard on myself for davening and learning as much as I used to. I'm thinking of taking it in baby steps. Learn 5 pesukim a day or 5 lines of gemara or two mishnayos, just to get momentum. All these baby steps are worth a lot especially when it's hard and it's something that I need to remember. I want to thank you for your post because I got inspired to learn and daven a little better today.

As for the stress, I learned recently that I just have to deal with the stress head on. Stress sucks but it's not going to help me if I avoid it. Are you referring to stress of having too much to do? If so, I recommend reading Getting Things Done by David Allen. It helped a lot with getting my life a little more in order.

Thank you for your responses they are very much appreciated.  

For me the best antidote to stress is serious exercise.Even when I don't have time, I make time for it.....

For myself, and I would guess for many of us, depressing thoughts and moods have made us very vulnerable to falls. When sad thoughts fill our minds we have found inappropriate videos as an escape. 

I am coming back from a period of falls. But before my falls I was doing very well. I believe a major factor that helped me was I worked on having a more positive outlook and happier life over the summer. When I am in a good mood, its not just that it is easier to fight, rather I am too busy living life to even enter the fight.

Unfortunately I have not kept up with my summer project, I let sad moods and bad habits enter my life, and now find myself needing to build back up. 

I have found Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book "Gateway to Happiness" (I believe he released a free condensed pdf of the book online), as well as a free online psychology course "The Science of Happiness"(www.edx.org/course/the-science-of-happiness-0) to be very helpful. 

Making sure to be happy with what we have, not looking over our shoulder at what others have, making times for friends and family, living a productive life, etc. makes us so much happier and makes the fight easier. 

(I guess feelings of boredom and sadness, are really a sign to get our lives back in order. But when we "medicate these feelings with porn, our lives tumble more out of control, which leads us to consume more porn, which leads our lives to tumble more out of control....and the cycle goes on and on.

But recognizing these feelings as reminders to improve, thereby facing the uncomfortable emotions and fixing our lives, will lower the negative feelings, reduce our urges, and maximize on our lives.)

so right now I'm working on picking myself back up, and getting past all this shmutz. 

I have found that when I have a lack of a social life, I am extremely vulnerable to fall. 

Hi Bear,

The animal kingdom is waiting for you to come back. Get out of hibernation.
We miss you

Thanks Lionking!