Hashem Help Me wrote on 08 Dec 2017 12:19:

HHM, I appreciate your post. Thanks!
I disagree with the Bolded text (emphasis mine). I didn't realize on my own, it was with the grace of Hashem, and with the help of a lot of special people here on the forums.
Good Shabbos!

Even though I am extremely embarrassed to type this up. Part of recovery is the ability to be honest with oneself.
I fell last night/this morning.
Probably a continuation from Thursday night.

I have committed to device free zones and times, but procrastinated in getting started. I need to start beggining from now. No phone in bathroom and being offline from 11:30pm including Motzie Shabbos IY"H.

Enough thinking about the past, Time to move forward. 

p.s. Just noticed that my count display was turned off. Will IY"H update the settings tomorrow when my name is back on the charts.

Oysh! don't worry we still love you and believe in you!
BTW in order to achieve sobriety we need all the pieces in the puzzle, it seems to me you are missing a few pieces in the puzzle time to add them!

Sending you a hug Yankel! 

Markz wrote on 14 Jan 2018 17:34:


Will need to extend tonight passed 11:30. Tons of work to do. No way I'm going to be done by 11:30pm tonight.
Hopefully I'll have time for a longer post tomorrow.

Just a quick check in before I log off tonight and go Daven.
Markz wrote on 16 Jan 2018 03:24:

Markz, can I crowdsource my work with you? I think I overpresssed my own overload button!

Signing off...
Good Night!

lionking wrote on 14 Jan 2018 15:24:

just get up with a ROARRR this time. Keep up the trucking madness!

Ah git chodesh everyone, I'm B"H back on track. Still need to get used to the night time restriction.
In the past I used to go to sleep at 1-2 am, dozing off on the phone. In general it was clean and educative stuff. 
This restriction helps me flex my self control muscles and strengthen them.

Hatzlocha Rabba!

I need to extend tonight until 12am. Will probably need to adjust my night time passed 11:30. I barely get home before 11:30.
Will see after this week IY"H.

Tonight till 1am. Got work to complete. I commit to no browsing for tonight, even if I'm going to use the computer.

Just a quick weekly recap.
I B"H had a very good week.
Extremely busy and tiring, I was lucky if I got over 5 hours of sleep a night. Tons of Money related stress, too.
However I am constantly trying to work on myself not to let those issues cause me to act out.
I need to be constantly reminded not to become complacent. There is no magic cure, and I will not pass this course as long as I am alive.
I really found the night time restrictions to be very helpful. I am adjusting it to 11:45pm for next week, since I go out at night to learn and usually don't get home before 11:15pm or later.

Wishing everyone much Hatzlocha and Menuchas Hanefesh.
Git Shabbos!

Weekly recap:

I have been avoiding the forums the past couple of days.
There has been too much negativity for me to handle. I wasn't willing to get sucked in, as that probably would have caused me to act out. B"H, it seems like the dust is settling.

I really hope and pray that I am never hostile or radiating any negativity in my posts. If anyone takes any offense with a post I wrote, please let me know.

I don't want to start a debate regarding proper definitions or usages of words, however I feel there is a distinction between hostility and criticism. I strive from criticism, it is the ingredient that makes me grow. 

For clarification purposes, I will present a few examples of both:
Positive Criticism

• "Do really think you can keep on looking on Movies and expect to stay clean?"
• "You know, doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results is considered insanity? You really need to step up your game."

Negative Hostility:​​

• "Your such a ******"
• "The torah calls that an abomination"
• "The recovery method, (be it 12 steps, therapy, etc...) doesn't work"

Looking forward to next week.
Hatzlocha Rabba!

Markz wrote on 25 Jan 2018 23:58:

Markz,

I justed wanted to share this with you.
Twice this week I was really tempted to numb my mind with some porn.
My stress levels were above the roof, I was feeling extremely down. The thing that helped me was your night time device restrictions.
(and your wordpress suggestion. )

Hatzlocha Rabba!

lionking wrote on 25 Jan 2018 21:36:

• You're such a mentch!
• The Torah calls that an abomination, and yet the desire is so strong; controlling yourself is doubly precious.
• The recovery method (12 steps) doesn't work in a vacuum or by flipping the pages; you must work it!

lionking wrote on 25 Jan 2018 21:36:

negative hostility 
#4 musar doesnt work
#5 working on yiras shamayim doesnt work
#6 dont say things like eww on someones comment
#6 dont embarrass people on the forum ,send them a pm if its something that they did inappropiate

I haven't posted here for a long while already. I am in the need of a major reboot. Hopefully Purim will be the impetus I need to get out of this rut. I have been falling the last week and a half. Not so much with porn or masturbation, (I did masturbate once, and had once a wet dream., B"H no porn.) My main problem is I am not in a healthy state of mind. I can't get out of this mildly depressive, emptiness, feeling. I am looking for stuff to fill the void and I am struggling with it. I am browsing sites randomly, not even sure what it is going to do for me. (For the sake of disclosure, I am talking about the following sites: yeshivaworldnews, only simchos, the lakewood scoop, etc..) I am Moreh Heter, that these are jewish sites, however for me these sites are poison, even worse than a porn site. I really need to stop.
Wishing eveyone a Gut Voch!