LifneiHashem wrote on 24 Mar 2017 00:08:

Though it sounds like this was the start to all his problems

Kleen4real wrote on 26 Mar 2017 20:19:

What's your definition of "completely healed"?

healing is a state of mind not a fact
we say asher yotzar even if we are not sick

Singularity wrote on 27 Mar 2017 08:10:

Dead

Well, if you define "healed" as no longer having a sex drive, good luck with that. That sounds more like a sickness to me! However, as you get sober you'll feel much more in control and the struggle will get much easier, but at the end of the day we're all human beings who need to channel their sexual energy into a positive, holy outlet.  I view it as similar to people in over eaters anonymous. The goal in OA is not to never get hungry, that would actually be a very unhealthy thing. Rather the goal is to learn how to eat the right things. So too with the holy sexual energy that Hashem has given us. We learn how to channel it correctly, but it's not always easy and recovery ain't always perfect.

Welcome Kleen4real!  Posting here is a HUGE first step.  You mentioned therapy, did your wife know about this therapy?  Does she know about your addiction?  Why did the therapy make it worse?  Connecting with real people is very helpful.  Do you have anyone in your "real" life that you can share this with?  A rav/rebbi etc.?  The difficult steps are the ones that usually are the most beneficial.  Keep us posted.  We are here for you.

gibbor120 wrote on 28 Mar 2017 17:34:

Thanks gibbor120

For a long time ago I discussed this with my wife and we decided that I will go for therapy but I guess it wasn't a good therapist (at least in my case) and for some reason the therapist was working against me and trying to break apart our marriage.
My wife knew at some point about it obviously, but I don't think she knows about it now.
In real life I don't have any real people I can discuss this (just yet) Funny thing is that I have a Rav that I'm very close with and talk on a daily basis a few times a day but I can't see myself telling him about my second life.

You can speak anonymously with some people from here. Its a nice way to start.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 26 Apr 2017 20:10:

Exactly what I'm doing, it just took some time.

Great. Keep it up. Continued hatzlocha.

eslaasos wrote on 27 Mar 2017 18:18:

completely healed in my opinion means "control" when you have control over your self, addiction means that you are out of control,

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 27 Apr 2017 00:11:

I heard one time, I don't remember from whom, that in order to know that your Tshuva was excepted is when you get a hatred to that sin. not sure if this makes sense.

Kleen4real wrote on 27 Apr 2017 02:31:

i have a ראיה that healed means control, but still being an addict, because the gemara says היכי דמי תשובה? באותו מקום, באותו אשה, ובאותו זמן, so if healed means no addiction at all, how could be that he came across with the same נסיון? he is healed? אלא מאי he is still an addict but he controls him self

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 27 Apr 2017 02:43:

It's arguable what באותו מקום, באותו אשה, ובאותו זמן means, it can be that once your helped you can be in that same situation again and won't even have the תאוה for it.
I know that this is a very high level which we all will hopefully be there one day.

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 27 Apr 2017 02:43:

there is a new sefer from r' shlomo hoffman witch is phsycology based on torah where he explains the difference bet. control kovesh and tikkun and tikkun would be healing great read for addicts as he explains teshuvah in a whole different light i forget the name but it has a picture of him on the front cover