hello to everyone  i subscribe last week to this website becuase i want to share my story, i need help and i want to help other people too.

i am 25 years old now.

september 2016 my recovery to this problem started but before that at around age 5 i started strugglin in porn.. i started playing with my body and i kept in that for several years... i think that affected my whole life! as a kid i was very shy, not good self esteem, didnt have to many friends and lonely all the stress that i felt at that moment when i got home from school i locked on my room and watch porn for many hours lost lot of family time too and i didnt had a great connection with my parents so they never knew what was going on with me.... after highschool 2008 i meet my first girlfriend! i started hanging out a little more and i was feeling better with my social life but didnt stop with the struggle basically i started having 2 lifes.... after few months my girlfriend broke with me becuase she want to finsh higschool... then i meet the girl that i want it to meet my whole life... lets say the love of my life.... i started dating her 2010 (she was not from my country) and eventually we got married 2012 of course i never told her about my problem not just that i thought that marrying her could help me fix my problme but that never happened i still struglle heavily with addiction until  she got me.. she forgive me and i told her i never do that again but still addction to strong and i didnt stop so she got me the second time and she wanted to divorce 2014 my addicton beat me at that time i was scared i lost her and i lost everithing... i had her in front of my eyes and i couldnt accept that i was struggling with porn... i was scared that she tell the whole comunity the truth about our divorce ...i couldnt talk and do anything to save my marriage i just let her go and kept with my life going... so last year i started having bad feelings about what my life was and i started battling for a change...so december 2016 the first thing i did was talk to a psychologist like for 3 sessions i admitted that i was wrong and accepted that i had a problem that i need to work on to change and be a better person and i felt i needed to give me a second chance because i have all my life infront of me and i couldnt waste it..i also started connecting with god and that gave me great power to fight the struggle... after that i talk to my parents and i told them the truth.. start making things right and here i am BH fighting everyday with the struggle with this big challenge but happy too because thats life we have to battle every day to be a better person and the most important thing to know ourselves i try to clear my mind of everything and focus on the things i like...

may good bless everyone here and give power to beat this struggle!With love and patience, nothing is impossible

Welcome to GYE,
Thank you for sharing your life story with us. Sharing a story shows a willingness and a wanting to get better and right the wrongs.
GYE has a lot to offer and i'm sure there's what that can help you.
I wish you much success in your endeavor.

Welcome,

Wishin'I you continued success in recovery.

Welcome! 

Sorry to hear of the divorce. Do you have kids?

What tools you using currently to deal with your problem?

Welcome to a good place where with Hashem's help you will develop the tools of recovery. Keep on posting. The big guns here will help you decide which direction to go in. Hatzlocha. We are here for you.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 23 Mar 2017 11:17:

You are a big gun.

nope  we didnt had kids... 

i tooked out bad things in my life for example smoking, drinking, changed my eating habits, stopped going to parties... and i replaced them for good things! learning torah (things that i want to learn.), routine at the gym, sleep earlier and also got a rabbi to guide me thru this too... started to focus on myself to grow up as a person and spiritually... and also i remeber alot what happened to me about the divorce and in my life and that makes me stronger to keep on track dealing with this...

shabat shalom! 

Singularity wrote on 23 Mar 2017 09:22:

nope  we didnt had kids... 

i tooked out bad things in my life for example smoking, drinking, changed my eating habits, stopped going to parties... and i replaced them for good things! learning torah (things that i want to learn.), routine at the gym, sleep earlier and also got a rabbi to guide me thru this too... started to focus on myself to grow up as a person and spiritually... and also i remeber alot what happened to me about the divorce and in my life and that makes me stronger to keep on track dealing with this...

shabat shalom!

Sounds like you are someone already working on yourself. Keep it up. Much hatzlocha.

Miracleshappen wrote on 24 Mar 2017 14:58:

Keep working at it and you are bound to see positive results! May hashem keep guiding you in the proper way!!

Awesome steps and I like the positive attitude...

One question... This rabbi that is helping you does he know everything?

either way continued Hatzlacha and keep us "posted"

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 25 Mar 2017 22:10:

yup i told him everything... and he told me about this site that BH is very helpfull! 

thx to all for the nice words!! 

Hope Hashem is giving power to everybody here to fight this struggle!!  

Welcome!  Thanks for sharing.  I wish you hatzlacha in your recovery.

Hatzlocha all the way!!!