Trouble wrote on 26 Mar 2019 03:33:

Or endorphins 

Whow I've been gome for 6 months.....
i was not doing great now I'm doing better iIfind I'm getting bored and play games a lot so I think I'll start hangin' out (cords I didn't forget you) here 
p.s. by the grace of a loving caring Higher Power I'm sober 27 days

Baruch Hashem, today I wasted much less time and I actually learned a bit (applause). There's still a long way to go but it's about progress not perfection. I met my sponsor we discussed steps 1 2 & 3. He gave me an exercise in the morning to stop and say out loud step my powerlessness and how I'm hopeless, then to say how I've seen and heard of many people in the groups recover and I can recover as well if I rely on the same power they rely on. Finally, I should say I am willing to give my life over to that power (God) and I'm willing to do whatever He wants from me today. 
I've seen my sponsor recover (he joined SA after me) so I want to rely on his words #JUSTFORTODAY

#justfortoday, thats the way to go. I also say that prayer every morning and during the day when needed. 
It helps greatly.

Its 525 am motzaei tisha bav. My son (baruch Hashem) is not feeling well I just spent like an hour plus walking rocking etc. . I'm full of emotional pain. I need to see my therapist ASAP I commit to calling him today too see if he has an appointment. I made a bunch of mistakes (bh not lust related just simple embarrassing stuff) and I'm beating myself up about it. I'm frustrated that I'm not talking do my mother. But I'm grateful that I got the opportunity to share my difficulties on the phone with a member last night/ tonight which is probably the reason I'm still sober. 

yes I know what you mean. its usually in times of stress or when you need a relief that you tend to fall  

Keep sober and keep sharing that is what helping me. Don't beat yourself up for the past and concentrate on the present because that is where we live. Enjoy the present

I just made 87 days! Then I fell. (Bump!)
It's pretty clear that it's possible (even for me) to get and maintain sobriety. It took me two plus years of recovery to finally figure out that I don't know how to stay sober. If you look through my previous posts along my journey you'll see how I used to think I have ask the answers. I need other people to tell me how to live.

That's amazing that you made it for 87 days! Sometimes it feels like it was for nothing, or that it was nice but whatever, because you feel like the same person you always were. But it's so not true. You have 87 days full of acts of saying no, each one amazing in itself! Those acts are priceless and are not lost, no matter what happened next. So get back up and continue your great work.

(If you have trouble feeling this way and you want help changing your perspective, check these out: 1. The Battle of the Generation: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. 2. The Fight by Rabbi Ben Zion Shafier: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/.)

87 days is a great achievement.

Try the Mindfulness method,

Treat the urge to fall as an external thought

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior

I cant say for sure but I think mindfulness wont help me. When I say I need other people to run my life I'm referring to other addicts with whom all other methods failed. I've tried rebbeim, therapy, taphsic and more. I need to be taught how to tap in to a "Power Greater Than Myself". 
Then again, as always (perhaps specifically now), I may be wrong.

Perhaps try harder and don't give up on yourself? 

Tzvi5 wrote on 13 Oct 2019 03:27:

Tzvi, Alot of people on this site, Me included, have tried harder, have not given up on ourselves, have thoughts of torah and learn well. Yet we still fall. I've heard from someone that after a full night of learning Shavous night, he masturbated. 
Trying harder is not a solution for everyone. The couple of good stretches I had were precisely when I didn't try. 

Thanks for promoting what works for you, however please unbold your voice and understand that there is no one size fits all answer.

The mishna says  יגעתי ולא מצאתי אל תאמין in other words some might assumed they have tried but in reality they haven't. (I think there is a misconception that even just saying words of Torah, will remove his "desire" )
(learning Torah using one's intellect: asking tos' question, understanding the answer (questioning the answer, answering it: maharam, maharsha ) is called proper learning. )

I'll be honest when I'm in "that" mood I wont go to learn. True, when the urge is there learning helps me tons. However,  I need to keep myself from getting into those moods.
So yes learning helps (even not during learning) but it doesn't help forever (obviously). So in my case I need more than just "learn".
If learning is enough for you אשריך וטוב לך it's not enough for me.