Mitgaber wrote on 27 Nov 2016 15:35:

Also, "The 5 Love Languages."

Welcome!  I'm not sure what to tell you, but your marriage needs help.  Have you ever sought out help?  Did you ever go to therapy with or without your wife.  Check out the link in my signature called "shalom bayis".  Keep sharing.

I went to a goyish therapist a year ago, he said porn and masturbation was perfect normal. I pretty much complained about my wife and my father that just passed away. Therapy isn't cheap. The marriage needs help, but I have been self destructive.

Sounds like that therapist ain't worth a penny
I read by Rav Twerski: "I thought recovery meant God opens the gates of heaven and lets me in. I realise it's more like God opens the gates of hell and lets me out".
Basically, it's tough. And we've gotta suffer a bit. But it's better than suffering a lot. Just keep pushing. Hatzlocha. 

AllForHashem wrote on 30 Nov 2016 05:00:

Your situation sounds very difficult.
If money is preventing you from getting to therapy, check if there is a JFS (Jewish Family Services) branch near where you live. I believe they have therapists and work with you on a sliding scale.

Hatzlacha!

I meant more for your marriage than for your addiction (loosely used).  If your wife is withholding sex from you, that is not a healthy marriage situation.  You may be to blame for some of it, but either way, the situation is not healthy, and it sounds like you could desperately use some outside help.