Hey people,

I'm not new to this site, but I have not really used it since I created my account a number of years ago. I've recently been bombarded with emails from GYE and I figured I could use the help. 

I haven't taken the time to see how introductions work on GYE, but I'll do it how I feel fit.

Ive been married to my wife for almost two years. We love each other, but it hasn't been easy at all. We are very different and come from different cultures. We are constantly working on our relationship and I am confident that it will keep getting better and better.

ill cut to the chase. My wife has no sexual interest in me and an almost non-existent libido. In short, in order to deal with my sexual frustration, I have turned to the nasty parts of the web. Its hard to feel guilty about it because I honestly feel that I've been put in a tough spot and this is a legitimate way to deal with it. However, the guilt which I have is really fear that she will find out and it will ruin our otherwise pretty fine relationship. I don't want to hurt her, but I am also stuck in a place where I can't really satisfy my needs, aside from feeling that we can't really connect in the intimidate way which a healthy couple should. 

I would like to stop my habit and need some tools to encourage me to do so.

well that's about it folks.

Welcome einshumyeush,

My wife and I also come from very, and I mean very, different backgrounds. 

The first years of my marriage were very stressful for that reason, as well as my self-centeredness. Luckily, I had an excellent chosson teacher who had prepared me well, and a fierce desire to make it work no matter what (and an immense fear of failure). This did not keep me clean though.

As far as disinterested wives, there are many thread's in the married forum dedicated to that topic.

Stick around, and may Hashem be with you.

Welcome,

Did you have any of this before marriage?

B'hatzlachah

It's good to just come out. That's the beginning to change. So, welcome.

Maybe you could just start a fight? You know what they say about make up sex (-; But, seriously, I feel for you, that has got to be difficult. Me and my wife having to young sons has cause a lack of intimacy for us. When she said/says "I'm tired" (I'm sure you've heard that) I would get angry, which triggered my porn addiction, and boom! "What have I done"!? I would say that more because of my regret for failing Hashem. I have personally decided to focus on my relationship with my Creator and love and care for my wife's needs. It's not easy, but it has been very rewarding.

I pray He will guide you and give you strength and wisdom in your journey.

einshumyeush wrote on 02 Aug 2016 16:42:

Do you have acces to the BB section? 

Have you seen Cordony's post?
He has experience, stick to him and to his threads.

After being here for close to three years, I have learned from myself and from others, that my wife isn't my problem. No! 
And the fear of being caught wont stop me either.
best wishes

Welcome! It sounds like you had problems well before meeting your wife.  What have you done to work with your wife on your sexual relationship?  Although, as someone mentioned, you should start a thread in the baal habatim section, and not answer that question here.

Turning to porn will not solve your problems any more than turning to alcohol or drugs.  They are all escapes from the real problem.  The real problem will not get solved with escapes.  It will only get worse if left unaddressed.

Looking forward to continuing this conversation in the baal habatim section...

I have definitely been looking at shtuyot since 7th grade, I'm not pinning that in my wife. But I was able to get away from it the past few years before marriage (with intermittent but irregular slips) and have found myself triggered back into it with my relationship. Now, even when I'm having a good week, I get brought into it out of addiction, desire, and habit. I'll check out the Baal habatim section. I'm figuring this site out and am looking forward to speaking with people who have similar experiences. Thanks!

Essentially, your relationship with your wife is just another trigger. Although, it can be a much bigger and more complicated one.