kelevshav wrote on 08 Jul 2016 14:21:

I think the answer to your question and the key to keeping the pain fresh is by helping others. Some call this step 12.

I tend to agree with Inna. Working with others helps a recovering addict to keep the perspective and to see himself through them, like looking in a mirror. 

As far as kelevshav's question "How does a person who - Thank G-d - has not (yet?) suffered terribly as a result of his lust, keep that awareness clear enough to maintain sobriety?" "Suffered terribly" is relative and subjective. I am unfamiliar with your history, but if you are here and talking about maintaining sobriety, by definition you must have decided that you have "suffered enough."

I question Inna's use of the term "keep the pain fresh." I wouldn't want to keep the pain even as a motivator. What I feel that I need to keep fresh is the awareness that no matter how good things are, if I forget my powerlessness, if I stop surrendering and start living by my own plan as opposed to G-d's plan, I am headed the wrong way... 

Same thing here, I joined after you left but your lesson is so true. I went through the same thing.
Thinking I was 'cured' and after being sober for months and falling again. It sounds so familiar, wasting time on the internet, watching stupid videos, shmirat 'eynayim becoming weaker, not asking HaShem everyday for guidance and giving yourself over to Him everyday anymore... and then you're at home alone for a while and... relapse r''l. 
We can learn from stories like these and also evaluate our behavior. That way we can see it coming next time and know something is wrong before we fully relapse. Also stay involved in the forum and keep giving chizuq to others. By seeing other people struggling you will realize the struggle you are in yourself.
Also, like the GYE handbook says, this is forever. Once an addict always an addict. However, you can live normally if you just use the right medicine everyday. It's like a person I know who is dear to me. He is prone to getting a pneumonia and he has to take medicine ever day. Now, thank G-d, he hasn't had a pneumonia for over twenty years. But if he stops using that medicine... oy va'avoy.
Keep on track by giving to others every day.

All the best and hatslacha!

Don't know if anyone's disagreeing, but I'd caution helping others until there is somewhat a pattern of sobriety.

I don't know how long that is and it might depends on situation.

Additionally, it can be done only with utmost honesty.

B'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote on 10 Jul 2016 21:51:

Obviously.

"Helping others" does not necessarily mean sponsorship, mentoring, or the like. Just listening and sharing. There is the true danger after relapse and re-engagement in recovery in that it's all too easy to feel that your sanity is fully restored. You have so much book knowledge and experience that you cannot wait to share with others. For me, the key is to maintain the awareness that the very relapse (or relapses) are the evidence of my powerlessness over lust. It is the fruits of my failure to live the program and of neglecting stepwork. On the other hand, whether I have 3 or thirteen years of sustained sobriety "under my belt" (my belt.... oh the hubris!) or whether I have 3 days behind me, all I have is my sobriety today, this minute, this second. And if I forget that, that is where I am slipping. 

This is also why (contrary to my personal belief --- I am allergic to counting days) I am letting the forum display my new count. If I should make a suggestion, let the person who reads the post see clearly from whom it is coming. Looking to get some real humility. My ego loves to tell me how much I know, how much better I am than others. The truth tells me that I am just another bozo on the bus... But a bozo on the bus can also be of help to others just by riding on the bus and writing posts such as these...

I've been successfully working step 0 for the past 6 days.

My "struggle" if you want to call it that, is not with porn or masturbation itself, unless I take that first slip. The lust can simmer on the back burner and not really bother me overtly. Sure, I have problems not checking out the female species on the street. There's this ogle reflex that has been there since I began neglecting shemiras ha'eyneyim in the true sense of the word. 

Yet I find this manageable, as long as I don't take the first drink.

What I find unmanageable is life. Fulfilling my responsibilities. Doing what I have to do. The periodic lust binge is the way my system seems to reflexively deal with it, and the small flame of lust necessary to sustain it is fueled by the covert glances at the "objects" of my desire -women, of all ages, shapes, sizes... It doesn't matter. It's like a reflex, unless I remind myself that my powerlessness over lust is what makes these glances help turn my life unmanageable.

And then there's the insanity of that first real drink, that tends to creep up on me unannounced... As if I don't know how that movie ends...

But step 0 only goes so far. So I know what I have to do. I just need to get off my lazy bahookus and do it.

But thank G-d I'm clean today, and I do not have to lust.

E

Okay folks...

In the interest of adhering to the system, I am announcing my move to a new thread in the appropriate section.

However, I do not think that I'll move back into my old thread... It's gotta be dusty. 

Also, both the forum and I have changed dramatically since those halcyon, hyperactive, possum tossing, Woodford guzzling, roadkill butchering, chulent slinging days of yore...

But it might take me some time to come up with a catchy new name.

After all, a title like "Guy With Long Beard and Peyos Seeking Sanity [Again] After Close to Three Decades of Sexaholism" might be catchy enough for the New York Post, but it just will not do for GYE... What will the neighbors think...

Something cute... short... to the point...

Any suggestions?

And...

If I'm already here, posting, a quick reminder to myself and like minded fellows about what it means to be a lustaholic.

You know you're a lustaholic (even though you are not planning on "sightseeing," you know that you're allergic and that you cannot check out the "scenery"):

If your first thought upon boarding bus no. X and taking a seat is, "Hey, this is the bus that goes through one frei/modern section of one street that the Y bus doesn't. Yippee, girls of summer, here we come!" And then you remember that, "Hey! I don't want to check out the ladies, I can't check out women or I'll be off to the races in no time..."

You just might be a lustaholic...

E

I like your cat
 

I'd really like to elaborate on the following point, but it's Erev Shabbos and I've gotta run (I am supposed to be calling R"R Ber soon, if we don't connect it'll be next week IYH).

I had a grand old time with shnayim mikra this morning.

You just gotta love that Bilaam. Like, "Hellooo... You're donkey's talking to you and you see nothing wrong with this picture..." His ego blinds him to anything other than what he wants. And his friend? That Balak character? "No, Bilaam, I know you got the stuff, the real thing, high grade, you're hooked up. Come on, give me the gooood stuff, we can get high together... Pleeeeaaaaase!!!!"

Fahgedaboutit! Insanity! But he's powerless... G-d tells him time and again (to his face!) that his plan is not going to work... But nooooooo... He's not going to surrender, he'll find the right place, the right time, maybe another 7 bulls and rams will do the trick... There's gotta be some way I can do this...

I could go on and on... It's hysterical to look at him (me) from the side...

I almost jumped up from my seat in the Beis Medrash to shout... "Like, Helllooooo... Earth to Bilaam," but I realized how weird that would look, so I saved it for the forum...

Yishma chacham ve'yosif lekach...

This BD guy is damn good!
Anybody who says there's nothin' to read on the forum is clearly mistaken.

cordnoy wrote on 15 Jul 2016 12:42:

Except for the fact that he confused the Hell outta me this mornin' by lainin'.

cordnoy wrote on 17 Jul 2016 02:55:

Yeah, but I'll bet you haven't had such a good time during leining in years...

And the guy sitting next to you was going probably going crazy trying to figure out why you had that weird grin on your face (or were you laughing out loud?).

ben durdayah wrote on 17 Jul 2016 07:28:

No, that will be next week, when they actually lein parshas balak. My synagogue is a bit behind I guess.

cordnoy wrote on 17 Jul 2016 12:00:

OMG -I forgot that you chutzniks are behind us...

I guess I'll have to repost that next week...