I believe that Webchaver and CE are actually the same thing “under the hood”. 

And doesn’t Webchaver/CE have a filtering component as well? Why would that not do the job?

Yes they are the same program. But that program does not work together with nativ. And the filtering option on CE is not the greatest for me. I need some access to you tube for tutorials and other work related things. HOwever there is also stuff there that I don't want to be able to get to. Nativ allows you to block the whole site and only approve certain videos on a case by cas.e 

I was exactly in your boat. Had worked with Webchaver, was comfortable with that, but then started finding loopholes and needed to switch to Nativ. It’s a huge pain for YouTube videos- I rarely see any anymore- but it ends up being worth it. 

In general, the decision to stay clean comes with a price tag. Some things simply have to change. As a general rule, once one decides that internet is only going to be accessed for necessity as oppossed to entertainment, leisure, etc, the success is b'ezras Hashem much more attainable. A person needs to make the decision that its time to "sacrifice" certain sites (such as you tube - except for the rare few who really and truly need it for work) because the risks are too high. If you want some videos for relaxing, go buy the DVDs..........

I really should log in here more often. I actually got back on through a convo I was  having with a friend. I am happy to tell you guys that I am thrilled with the nativ program. I don't know how to get around it. And I have it usually on blocking images while on many sites. Yahoo news images are blocked.. and some others are open. To be honest I dont ususally feel the need or interest in opening the images for the news. I get to know waht's happening and the rest of the internet is for me safely behind their program. If I want a site opened I can open it. They seem to be doing a good job as regards automatic filtering. 

I dont count clean days and am not perfect with masturbation. However, what I feel I have found is my peace. and there is no way to put a valu on that. I owe whar I feel now in large part to much of the work and ppl here at gye. and of course our in person meetings, our online friendhips etc.. (and ps I guess where I am holding now does not improve my typing sorry) 

I used to be plagued (as anyone here who knows me or read my thread) by constant obssessive desires to view porn and masturbate. I never succeeded at being able to hold back while I had a porn access on my comp. Finding my boundry for how far I need to push it out of my life and being willing to work at whatever inconvenience that presented has been the key for me. - I have a kosher phone now with emails and text although I used to have entirely no internet or email on my phone.

I am not out of the woods there are still some minor accessibilities to websites that trigger me into a poor state. However, my goal was always to not let these desires crowd in on my ability to do my job for my family, work and bring home the money we need. WHen I'd masturbate and then have no income to show for my time, this was the most debilitating thing for my self esteem. I am out of that now safely. Although I can and have at times been able to access porn, it is extremely infrequent and the last time it happened that this opened up, I did not even use it. It wasn't too much of a struggle.. I just got it closed up and that was it. I was elated. 

Just my report. 

I am writing now also to ask if anyone knows of online support groups for sex abuse survivors (both male and female). THe issue here is not masturbation or porn addiction AT ALL but the other painful issues that go along with being a survivor of sex abuse. The humiliation of seeing the perptrator go on with life unpunished and due to the challenges that manifested in behavior that was not typicsl of the frum commmunity, developing a stigma and separation from frum society. 

It is not for me but for a friend (I know we hear that alot around here.. lol) 


Anyone with info please let me know.

Hi, nice to see you backontrack/ontheroad

For your friend, try contacting Amudim.

Thanks Gevurah.
nice tyo see you as well. I think you need a carwash though.. looks a lil dusty up there.. 

Someone who I met recently had a very profound insight on me. I met this person while looking for something not good. However we got to chatting and after a good amount of back and forth they said - it looks like you really are not looking for sex. Your whole quest is for connection. something along those lines if not those words. It hit me like a ton of bricks THey are right. I have chatted a lot on craigslist which is still open on my computer. Any ilicit interaction is so slowed down and hindered it really doesnt bother me unless I begin spending too much time on it. And I am pretty much able to close it out and abstain when I want. Not that I consider myself not an addict. I am and if open porn is available I can not resist. BUt at this stage wth the temptations I am exposed to I an more or less control it. Or rather control me. 

Realizing that I want connection was really  big for me. I guess that's what it boils down to. 

This is the first time in my entire gye career taht I got back on the forum even though I was not unhappy with how I am doing. I would like to get back more now ust because.. it's probably a good idea. Although a few things irk me. 

- This whole 90 day thing became a religion and you're not chashuv if you don't make it. It's really just ridiculous. 

- When meeting ppl in chat I find ppl often saying 'Hi I am sober for x amount of days.' Like dude, I don't even know you we just met- we just didn't even meet, you just popped into my gye messenger to tell me how long you were sober for. I feel that atttiude is toxic for me. 

-I act out sometimes. I don't thin k it's a gret thing to do, but I do it and I just go back to whatever else I am supposed to be doing. I think that is the best way to be. 

Connection makes sense.
You can also connect with yourself by using your leisure time for constructive and relaxing activities.

90 Days is just a target.
It works for some.
For me, I no longer use targets because I find that when I meet them, I then go haywire afterwards.
I take it day by day, sometimes hour by hour or 10 minute chunk by 10 minute chunk.

I hear you. A person has to use what works for them, and certainly falling and moving on instead of obsessing about it is much better. But if you can get to not falling at all and not obsessing, that would be even better. Is that in the cards at all or not right now?

ColinColin wrote on 08 Feb 2019 01:29:

What do you mean that you go crazy after targets. You just set a goal and then once you meet it you'll act out? 
I don't have this contstant pressure anymore like that. Minute to minute etc.. A large part of it is not having the porn in my immediate environment since I use Nativ. It's amazing that this filter can actually make me feel like I am a normal person without being driven every minute from inside by a beast. 

Hey WG
I am honestly not working on not falling. I am just happy what I am doing for the most part. And lately not been doing some stuff that as really bothering me which makes me happy and that's about it.

Yes.
I used to stay clean for a few months, then fall.
This cycle repeated.
I released I was using a wrong psychology.
The wrong psychology for me, certainly.

I used to set a day as my target, "Stay clean until that day."
And I usually met it, (or I fell just before.)

But once I met that target, I "rewarded" myself by falling.
All the psychological pressure had built up, then released.
I went wrong by trying to stay clean until a certain day...the wrong part was focussing on that certain day...as if what I did after it did not matter.

So I no longer make these target days, as they are false targets.
This is a wrong way of approaching things, "Stay clean until such and such a day".

Now I take it day by day, wanting to stay clean. Always.
And I am less hard on myself.

I hear that. I don't think trying to stay clean worked for me tbh, Filters are what helped me gain the ability to control myself in day to day life. Lessened the challenge. When I have unlimited porn in front of me I fall back into those patterns within a few days. Weeks or so at most. I can't take the seasaw anymore or the mental anguish of parsing out what I will allow myself to do, look at etc.. verus what I won't allow.. and how it affects me. And I'm happy.

Of course the underlying issues driving my addiction need to be worked on and I am. With a friend, friends, my spouse, davening, mussar.. and mainly myself. I guess I am a dormant addict is what I would say. I am not a dry drunk. I am not fiending for my next fix. I could at anytime (which once in a while I have done) go and obtain porn access. It would cost me a few bucks but not much.. However with the distance I have set porn at for me, I just don't feel the pull as strongly and mostly just able to function. Feel accomplished. etc..