Bro, when i was a Chosson and i imagine many others on here as well, we didn't even yet realize we had a problem we were dancing our way straight into disaster.

You are on the ball, keep coming back here, and when you smile with folks, smile even a little more because all of us here are cheering you on as well.

Mazal Tov, 

 

Hey Gibor, 

Mazal Tov! and Mazal Tov!

Thats fantastic news.

Bro, when i was a Chosson and i imagine many others on here as well, we didn't even yet realize we had a problem we were dancing our way straight into disaster.

You are on the ball, keep coming back here, and when you smile with folks, smile even a little more because all of us here are cheering you on as well.

Mazal Tov, 

 

 a bit of advice, although you (and many others) probably won't listen:

This struggle of ours, if indeed you are like me and others that we are 'addicted' in some way, and not merely a stronger yetzer hara, has nothin, and I mean nothin' to do with bein' married or not.

I don't know you (as we have verified above), so perhaps you are just a bochur in heat, and then the gettin' married might be precisely what the dr. ordered.

either way, Mazel tov and tremendous hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote on 29 Feb 2016 19:14:



It is pretty obvious that getting married "helps" with recovery and against lustful thoughts, we see that in the gemara a few times

("שאינו דומה מי שיש לו פת בסלו למי שאין לו פת בסלו". (יומא דף י"ח ע"מ ב'

And more.

Of course it is not a hospital for lust and getting married shouldn't be for lust or for for pleasure, but it definitely helps with the struggle.

For example, this is not how we should be thinking:

Problem: Lust. Solution: Get married.

Rather it should be this way:

Problem: Lust. Solution: GYE handbook, 12 steps, taphsic, etc... 
In addition to the solution: Get married.

Chazak V'emutz

cordnoy wrote on 29 Feb 2016 19:14:



It is pretty obvious that getting married "helps" with recovery and against lustful thoughts, we see that in the gemara a few times

("שאינו דומה מי שיש לו פת בסלו למי שאין לו פת בסלו". (יומא דף י"ח ע"מ ב'

And more.

Of course it is not a hospital for lust and getting married shouldn't be for lust or for for pleasure, but it definitely helps with the struggle.

For example, this is not how we should be thinking:

Problem: Lust. Solution: Get married.

Rather it should be this way:

Problem: Lust. Solution: GYE handbook, 12 steps, taphsic, etc... 
In addition to the solution: Get married.

Chazak V'emutz

Yesod wrote on 29 Feb 2016 06:23:



Thank you so much! I appreciate the title gibor and I hopefully will be pumping iron like the real gibbor on this site!
I am uncertain if I am a real gibor.. I have gone this far in the past but failed to stand up to the first wave of lust that hit me. I felt strong but inside I was weak. But even though I don't know if I am zoche to the title yet I know I grew since then because I am trying to make myself aware that I have this weakness.
One thing that I am doing different is that last time even though I had an awareness that I have to work on this parshah, I only had to work on it for some faraway time after marriage when times  become tough again. I didn't see the problem eminent. However this made my progress less consistent and made my awareness fade somewhat and when issues started coming between my father and her parents among other things and I started getting new sexual feelings when I was near my kallah (again even though I struggle with these things I feel I went through dating with her at least conscientiously with out sexual feeling nor using her as a sex object. I was clear headed and even though was attracted to her I didn't broad on it) I became triggered more easily and acted out. 
This time, however, I am telling myself every morning that this might be the day lust hits. What will I do then? I need to prepare for an ambush. I need to internalize what I have been learning on GYE. I prepare myself for what might happen today. But I also am preparing myself for the future.. so I would like to ask you a question Yesod but you dont have to answer it if not relevant: What disaster are you reffering to and why do you think things led there?



 

shmirashachaim wrote on 29 Feb 2016 18:08:



shew.....at least I know he ain't my son-in-law.
 

Mazel Tov!
Keep it up!!!!

Im not the experienced in this because im still a bochur, but what ive learned (so far) is that as long as i know the real problem and im working on the right recovery, that is the preparation for the future and then marriage could possibly help.

So true. After lusting like crazy in Yeshiva for years I thought marriage was going to cure me. And the strange thing is that for a few years I really did stop from acting out, and that just served to prove to me that marriage cured me. But what I didn't realize was that I was still lusting even if I wasn't acting out, and slowly but surely our intimacy fell apart and I eventually landed right back where I came from.