You don't have to be an excited ADHD guy to be pulled to acting out. I don't know if we can profile an addict, however the quiet curious person who is missing existential fulfillment is just as prone as the guy who is looking for excitement.

In the personality types of the Enneagram type four is the helpless romantic, and type seven is the adventurer looking for the next adrenalin rush. Both are prone to addiction. 

Looking for other excitement may help in the short term, but it won't bring you recovery. Real recovery is when you fill the void in life with life itself. The nitty gritty of day to day life becomes fulfilling and valuable and then marvelous.

inastruggle wrote on 17 Apr 2016 16:19:

No problem.
I did want to understand your thinking though.

In that case I misunderstood the question. I thought you wanted me to summarize the post I wrote. 

What part specifically are you asking me to clarify?

I couldn't tell if you thought it was a good idea in general or not. Too much information for me doesn't work....I have a simple mind, nothing more.

If I think counting in general is a good idea?  Probably depends on the person, for me it helps.

If I think it's a good idea to write that 90 days will cure you forever?  I think it's a terrible idea.

If I think we should celebrate 90?  Sure, why not. A party is always a good thing.

 

inastruggle wrote on 17 Apr 2016 19:03:

Ina, you wrote earlier that you disagree with me but I dont think you really do. I didnt mean that 90 days is nothing to be excited about. All I meant was that a negative action is not a pursuit. Its like saying I dont need to do anything because I am married. Marriage can be very exciting but it is not a pursuit. You dont fill your life with marriage. You get what I am saying? So if Shmira feels like an adrenaline junkie then days of sobriety wont do to it for him. As far as 90 days goes.... I wont say an opinion. Let me get there first this time around then I will shoot off my mouth [or fingers].

Negative action may not be a pursuit but it can become the focus of your thoughts. I've had enough newlywed chavrusos to know that the same is true of marriage. I completely agree with you that it isn't a pursuit. That's part of the problem with it taking up so much space in your mind.

What I was saying is that I understand how it can feed his need for excitement. I've experienced it myself, especially when I had just joined gye. I'm experiencing a low level version of it now since I came back to gye after a long break.

It's important to make sure that the excitement doesn't get in the way of recovery. 

I'm not sure if we're arguing. Are we?
 

I fell. It's been a couple days now. I am starting to get out of the daze and confusion i was in. B'H today the images have dimmed somewhat since yesterday and the day before. It pains me that i fell, that i let myself fall so easily. It pains me that i feel as if i betrayed my wife. It pains me to realize that this addiction is not so simple. But i am back on the road, and ready to continue. It pains me to see the count next to my name drop off the chart. But I'm trying to focus on the fact that I'm not starting from scratch. The thought keeps driving in my head: stop fooling yourself. You tried and you failed. Simple. You gotten so far in your journey but you have to start over. But I think this thought is false. I am on the same journey as I was a few days ago, only now with new knowledge of myself and my addiction than I did before. Thanks for everyone's support and care, it really meant a lot to me and it helped me get back on my feet. I felt as if I had a bunch of tow trucks towing me along:laughing:. I am now ready to start anew. again. 
 

realsimcha wrote on 17 Apr 2016 03:35:

Simcha, I wasn’t referring to the excitement of not acting out, I was referring to the excitement of commitment of becoming clean and using and figuring out the tools of doing so. In a way, the excitement of beating porn substitutes the excitement of porn- at least at the beginning. After a while though, as in inastruggle pointed out, the excitement toned down for me and the daily grind of life kicked back in. A lot of excitement happened since I started- I got engaged and married, but those restless feelings are coming back. Why? Not entirely sure. Simcha, you suggested seeing a professional, and I did. What I got was similar to what mggs pointed out, that that it doesn’t come from ADHD but from ADD. ADD people sometimes have a need for more excitement surprisingly. But I feel that there is much more to it so I’ll be thinking about it. I have been prone to anxiety and lack of satisfaction, and have been working on both. Perhaps there is a connection? I'll be thinking about this. Thanks. also, not sure how spontaneous we can be. My wife is very busy with college and i am as well. But we try to go out once a week at least for a nice bit to get a breather. I'll try to make it exciting! but i definitely feel i need to do than just find interesting things to do. 
Also, Inastrggle, i never thanked you for your post (way back when) on why people struggle after 90 days. It was very helpful and i will unitize it when- I'yH Hashem I get to that pont again. This has been learning experience. 
Now trying to continue on and try to stay connected to GYE, no matter how hectic things might be.

 

 

It pains me to hear about your fall. I'm very happy that you're learning from it though.

I've been in your place a few times, right after a long streak. It really is good to remember how much further you are than when you started. You have a lot of tools and attitudes that you need to stay clean. You know you can do it. Also count total days clean and compare it to before you came to gye. It's a huge improvement.

The good news is that getting to 90 the second time isn't as exciting so the whole excitement issue should be a lot less of a problem.

Staying connected is probably the most important thing.

It seems you have everything you need. Just see what you can learn from your last fall and move on.

Chag Kusher V'sameach!
 

Thanks Inastruggle. I am doing as you suggest and checking into GYE. I'm exhausted as I went through 2 sedarim and no naps, but I can't be too exhausted for this. This is my life. I B'H had a nice YT even though I might of not enternalized- at least yet, the whole "personal mitzriem" thing as much as I should have. However, one theme of Pesach that I learnt of this year is hakaras Tov to Hashem, that we should have hakaras hatov to Hashem for taking us out of mitzriem. I have a lot of Hakaras hatov to Hashem for giving me such wonderful tools to get me out of my mitzriem, by being able to connect to GYE and everyone here on the forum. I have a lot of Hakaras hatov to Hashem for a lot in my life. Do I have struggles? Of course. Things that bother me. Definitely. But I have so much good to thank Hashem. So much good that I can focus on and appreciate, and I pray that I can use the good in my life to be the best person I can be, and all the "bad" in my life to overcome whatever comes my way, and grow from whatever may happen.

Shmira, It is inspiring to watch your journey. You had a tough time last week and that is not stopping you from marching ahead with strength. Good for you. I am sure that our father in heaven had tremendous nachas from your yom tov. Even if you are physically tired, you are spiritually on fire! Hatzlacha!

Hey Shmiras, sorry the fall happened.  But I'm glad to hear you are in a positive state of mind after all. 

I hope you find tremendous growth from here on.

Best wishes

Thanks RS and Yesof for your support and care, it means a lot to me.
i am on day 7. A week of sobriety. I feel as if I am refreshed but still wary of my situation. By each שמונה עשרה, I pause by רפאנו, and I ask Hashem to help me with this. This helps obviously because I am asking the created of the universe, but it also puts me into perspective in that I must continue to be proactive in my recovery (if anyone thinks this isn't healthy let me know). I hope that this past week of recovery and this יום טוב of freedom will lead to a life of recovery and freedom. Thank you. 

Why wait for רפאנו? How about ראה נא בעניינו, which I find so deliciously appropriate for beseeching Hashem for  help from Above? ראה נא בעניינו, see please at this time our  suffering, וריבה רובנו, and fight our battles, וגאלנו מהרה למען שמך, and redeem us speedily for Your Name's sake, כי קל גואל חזק אתה, because You are a G-d Who is a mighty Redeemer. What more need be said? 

Thank you Hashem for this wonderful ברכה, which allows me to address You and zero in exactly to express my fervent desire for Your help