I put this in the "introduce yourself" section because I didn't know where else to put it. I've been here before. I've got tons of thoughts on my mind, feelings, I guess I just want to see if people relate, and maybe it can help people to hear about it.

I'm in two worlds right now. As I'm writing this, I've got several online dating sites open and am sending/responding with lots of people. I'm pursuing living in two places. If it works out with any of these people online I won't be happy, and I know that, but I'm doing it anyway.

I was in the groups. I had issues there, some valid, some probably not. Not with the method exactly, just it wasn't working for me. That's not what I'm here to talk about. If it's working for you, great, I'm not knocking anyone or anything. I think G-d has lots of ways to heal people, or help people, or however you look at it. I've been advised not to look at it as a "disease" for now anyway, that view wasn't helping me.

according to the therapist i'm working with (and he was recommended by people, and i've definitely seen successes), everything is going according to plan. it just doesn't feel like it.

i do'nt even know what to say. i had all these thoughts of what to write and now they seem useless.

i know what it was like to be happy and stable i remember it.
i'm gonna ramble here a lot, sorry, that's just what it feels to me i have to do.

Welcome.
Hope everything works out well for you.
Hatzlocha

I feel your pain. keep it strong. I daven for you , that you should find Hatzlacha on your journey.

My heart is broken for you.

Chazak v'emutz

Hey there:) the very fact that your still posting(and that I'm still reading ) means we both haven't given up. No two people are alike and so no two recoveries are the same. What works for joe might not work for shmo. We all need to find something that talks to our individuality and that resonates with our unique situation. Keep it going and keep on posting:)

i completely relate to the situation. i have had porn on one tab and gye on the other. kinda made me feel like i had no identity? who was i, the porn-watcher or the guy trying to get help?

much hatzlacha. keep on posting.

I've done that so many times.

GYE on one tab, porn on the other 20 tabs.

A while ago my filter broke. I was searching for porn as I was talking to the customer services trying to get it fixed! She could probably see everything I was looking at, while hearing me say I want to make it impossible to access porn.

Can a person be any more powerless than that?!

What I wanted was something to save me from myself. I wanted the filter to fix me. It didn't work. Recovery has to be an inside job, "a crucial change in attitude."

Yes
I have done that as well.
I have posted sayin' that too.

When you have a free moment, however, ask yourself: am I ready to give it up forever?

B'hatzlachah

Don't worry about how it feels. If it's going according to plan, what more do you need.

If you're still alive, Hashem still believes in you and you CAN get back to the happy, stable place you remember.
We're all fighting together.
Chazak V'amutz!