I have been having trouble the past couple weeks i have been looking at porn and its really hard for me to stop at the moment and i just turned 23 years old and i am currently single right now and i keep thining about women and its really stressing me out. Also i feel like starting to date but nervous to bring the topic up to my father so i am not sure what to do someone please help me thank you because i am going trough a difficult time at he moment so please help me.

What have you been doing until now? Have you been sober and then all of a sudden you are having trouble now? What changed?

yes and no i have been sober not watching it but i keep thinking about it and having thoughts about it now i acted on watching on it this week and i have bigger issues that are stressing me out

Welcome. Do you have anyone to talk to? A friend, relative, or rebbi?

Not many plus what makes it really difficult is i work on a farm about 2 hours away from where i live i am there all week basically and absolutely no yidden around and its makes it that much tougher for me and more isolated.

Look around on the forums. Try chatting. You can email/call GYE or someone professional to get some more personal direction.

thanks for the suggestion but thats hard to do

listen dear friend ...I am not a big Rabbi or something....but One of my Rabaonim (top guy)
told me that when you date there is no reason why to tell her about your issues, I know that wasnt your question but the main think is not to be worried (or at least not so much to worry_)
we are all in this together.

Hashem be with you always and be matzliach.

And by the way Beshaah Tovah

thank you. My question is how do i bring the topic up to my father about dating that will be a struggle for me.

shlomoy wrote:


While it wasn't the topic at hand, there are those who maintain that one should not conceal his issues. ...at which date and how much to disclose, I do not know, but make sure you ask someone trustworthy on this.

Bhatzlachah

I dont know i am really stressed about all this and afraid to approach my parents because both parents are really hard to deal with about dating thats why i am really nervous.

so some one please help me and give me some suggestions i dont know and really stressed at the moment

shmulke, welcome. You are amongst friends here. (Or maybe we should call it family, since you'll have tons of people giving their opinions, and I'm pretty sure there's a couple of crazy uncles around here )

In reading your posts, it sounds like you are calling out for help, but it is not completely clear (to me) what you are asking for help with.

On one hand you mention issues with watching porn and having thoughts/images consume your attention even when you are not watching.

On the other hand it sounds like there is an issue related to dating and your father.

Finally, you mention (and your tone also conveys) that you are really stressed about something, which may or may not be what you've highlighted.

My thoughts are (if possible) take a few deep breaths. You have made a positive step in coming here and trying to find help and support to build your life. It may take some time (there is no magic button to press) but Bez"H you will take steps forward which will positively impact all areas of your life.

Take the time to gather your thoughts and see if you can explain what it is you are struggling with, and what you are looking for suggestions about. Read other people's posts and you may find some that sound similar to what you are dealing with, and may help provide some insights.

More than anything, know you are amongst friends. You are in a place where we are all here to grow, and each one of us has had our own journey. The safety and support of the people here can be a big help in finding the strength to combat your biggest struggles and fears. Hatzlacha!

Please see this page for what Rabbi Twerski wrote on the issue: guardyoureyes.com/articles/rabbi-twerski/item/do-i-have-to-tell-my-date

You obviously shouldn't tell in the beginning. But if the dating goes well and you are getting close to proposing, you need to come clean. You don't need to share details, but just the general picture.

If she is the right one for you, she will accept you for who you are.

Keep in mind, we are assuming you are clean for a while. Otherwise you shouldn't even be dating. We generally don't advise marriage until a year clean. Dating, at least half a year.

May Hashem be with you.

not sure i am still feeling some stress and allot of anxiety. some of this stuff is from being bored at work ll the times and that has a play in everything i am saying.