Do I need to come clean and open up about all of my struggles? I feel that I want to but I'm scared. I also don't know how much is too much for such a setting. I really have some troubling and odd things that have been with me privately. Some things for up to 15 years when It all started. What do most guys do about this?

abd297 wrote:


You should check out the GYE handbook, it speeks about a 3 second rule, basically because we automatically turn to women, but the main problem is to continue to look and that is what we should work on!
Hatzlocha!!

I hope you all had a productive shabbos. Significant challenges usually come up on the weekends for me. Women in shul and at the shabbos table, more free time in the afternoons, etc. I think I did pretty well this time. I was good about lowering my gaze and avoiding the 2nd look. I did have a few instances where I found my eyes wandering but at least I tried hard.
My older relative canceled our visit tomorrow so I have some more time to figure that situation out.
I was able to keep busy enough that I resisted the urge to fall. I also did a pretty good job on stopping my fantasies early.
It's just the first step but It has been a good first week with GYE.
Thanks to all of you, and please keep reading and posting. It really keeps the lifeline for me and others going.

Did you take a long nap? I used to find that overly ong naps on Shabbos in the summer was a huge trigger.

Hi abd297,
Although I have no advice to offer, I daven for you and care so much to see you get your life under control and enjoy the peace and tranquility of long term sobriety.

Today is hard for me. I'm bored and everyone around me is annoying. I just want to be left alone in peace. Such situations have been triggers for me as I seek an out. I have been trying to watch a game which is a good distraction for me but people are always yelling for me, the phone is ringing, I'm getting dragged to places I don't want to be, etc. It definitely feeds my lust addiction and doesn't help my other issues.
Thank you again and everyone's feedback is appreciated as it is my only lifeline. You are the only ones who understand.

Sure. I can relate well.
Sometimes instead of seeking quiet and peace, go and do something that is positive and of value.
One of my Rabbeim used to quote the ba'alei mussar who say if the cup is full nothing comes in. If it is empty it attracts other, usually unwanted thoughts and actions.

It all makes sense to me but I'm home for the summer and am bound by others. My family is in the dark about my problem and are pretty ignorant about the whole area in general. I have held on tightly to GYE since I started but getting dragged to the mall with my mother or to the movies with my father is not the out that I need. In yeshiva it's all up to me who I hang out with or what I do, not a home. Obviously my downfalls have been at home alone so I'm not so sure how to proceed. I think that I'm more annoyed at everyone more than anything else now though.

Think of a hobby to really get into.

Connect with old friends. read a book.


Also at 6 days you have milestones coming at you at shorter intervals.
for example, tomorrow is day 7. In a week you go up another level at day 14.
Focus a day at a time but maybe just a little peek toward the next milestone.

It's exciting to get there and have your friends on the forum congratulate you.

Was dragged shopping for the past few hours. My bad mood let bad thoughts creep in. People around and in ads were triggers. I had a strong urge to act out. The only reason that I feel a little better is the anticipation in knowing that people may have added to my thread.
I got myself out of going to the movies too.
I hope that you all keep posting. I need the support and need to cheer up.

Did anyone here ever have to open up to someone after you had been hiding your lust issues for ever? Maybe a wife, rebbi, or friend. How did you do it? what did you start with? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome abd
Sorry for the late welcome you are doing really great and are in the right place, I wanted to let you know what you are going through is unfortunately really normal especially for your age.
Your Rebbi would surely understand and be a great support for you. My opinion is you will feel really liberated once you share it with someone it will make it much easier since you will have whom to talk to about it.

Regarding street lust that you have mentioned a few times in your posts, it is one of my major struggles to. What works for me (Its hard to explain in words although I will try) is not to think of the details afterwards, I will stick to my first view for example i will not think look at that skirt or wow such a nice figure .....

Whatever the case is you have to do what works for you, stick around and you will reach places, I wish i would have found this site as a teenager

Thank you for the advice. I am still a teenager but I have been battling this issue since I was very young. I'm in beis medrash. I am pretty sure that I'm ready to open up to my rebbi but I don't know how to.

Yes I did. I opened up to a recovered Alcoholic and sex addict.

How do you think I can approach my rebbi in a comfortable, effective way?