Hello!
I am a 24 year old bocher baal teshvah (of 5/6 years) currently learning. This is my first post. ..

I recently ended a longer term relationship with a girl (we were about to be engaged) for whatever reason I decided it wasn't right ended it....I'm not going to start dating until I feel I want to again.

Whilst together we were completely shoms but did speak about smut...the problem is that I am/was very very sexualy attracted to her. Fantasises are plaguing my mind all the time and when I fall it's always started by a thought of her. I feel embarrassed discussing these issues being that people are dealing with much bigger things. But it's a constant battle which I fear isn't decreasing. I also fear when it comes to dating I will be sooo particular about what type of figure I desire...I need advice about how to get over these fantasies and what's healthy/unhealthy wants/expectations for dating in regards to a woman's figure....

Hi Chai
Welcome to the best place on the web. I am no expert but I do know that these fantasies can be lethal. I'm sure that many people with experience in this area will offer up some good advice.
We all care so much and share your pain.
Stay tuned.

Welcome,

Bein' vague won't help you at all.
As long as your only connection with one of the female variety has been this girl - that is the image you will have.
When and if you date another, you will then have two.
If you don't marry her and date others, you will find that there are now 6 or 7 occupyin' your mind.

Bottom line is: we need to figure out how to stop fantasizin'.

What happened before you began datin'?

b'hatzlachah

Welcome! Fantasy certainly drives us crazy. What else, if anything, is ailing you?

Thank you for your messages!

In response to cordnoy- such a great point, I've not thought about it like that...I can say that living most of my youth not frum I haven't found fantasising about past 'flings' such a problem...only in this case where I
felt all my 'figure needs' (as crude as it sounds)
have been met and was so close
to marriage and
therefore sex has
it been such a
problem...not
sure it makes
sense...

In response to Pischoshelmach-- other than what I just mentioned BH I'm managing to keep away from p*** , deleted Facebook and blocking YouTube asap....I feel like I can't really discuss the issue of attraction and more specifically my desires for certain physical attributes in a woman to my rabbium....so I don't know if I'm being a lust addict or being reasonable that we ultimately have to be sexually attracted to our wives?
Any thoughts....

Just go out (if you're ready) and you'll figure out who you are attracted to.