HI and thank you for reading my post. im new here to GYE and im grateful that there is a place where i can share in my struggles and accomplishments to people who are there to listen not judge you. ive struggled with pornography for way to long and currently im on day number 7 of my 90 day journey (hopefully much longer BE'H) and its been amazing i feel free but at the same time im scared. will i ever truly be free? what happens when the pink cloud disappears ? will there be a day when i can make it through without having to constantly change my routine,avoid certain scenarios and just live without constant worrying what if i fail again? anyway thanx to the GYE family for listening and being there!

11219 wrote:

Your post is loaded with a number of points.
I would like to comment on a few of them.
Your"grateful" and "feel free" - fantastic you are feeling the joy of the loosening the shackles of our internal struggles- it's simply awesome
You wonder if there will ever be a day you will be entirely free? Firstly, realize non-addicts are never entirely free in the sense of their yetzer harah. Pirkei avos is clear that we dare not put down our guard in regular struggles with the yetzer harah. Certainly us who have a particular compulsion(define it as you like)are not going to be free and clear 100%. Even when we are in a real groove of success and accumulating days of sobriety we are still "in recovery."
Yet, AYNO DOMEH the quality of life one has once he established an appropriate program for himself, to the feeling of desperation one feels before such a program is set up and followed.
In short, sure there will always be an awareness on our part and an hishtadlus. (we dare not just live our lives laisez-faire and watch aimlessly as we drift down the river of failure, depression and self-destruction)but it is this exact cognizance of our weakness, trust in Hashem and therefore appreciation for his direct intervention that gives us that happy euphoric feeling.

The answer to the main thrust of your question is that it is none of our business what will be then. We need to focus on the moment before us. ...zeh hu!

doin' well now. ..keep it up!

Welcome to GYE and thank you for sharing. I can relate to the way you are thinking. I just focus on today and keep it simple.