hello everyone.
i am starting a new thread, because i feel that i am starting a new period and stage in my fight.
i was clean for 20 days, then fell. afterwards i fell again and again.
it has now been 2 days that i am baruch hashem clean. the urge is crazy strong but i am hanging in there.
as i stated in a earlier post, i have started the taphsic method, and it seems to be helping me hold up so far, knowing that if i fall, i must fulfill the neder that i took upon myself.
hope to continue this way.
lets speak people...

well...i fell. its a hard addiction.
i am determined to start again strong now. i realize how terrible it is. it must be taken care of. i must.
i will give my tzedaka neder that i took upon myself with the taphsic method tool.
i am putting on a stronger filter on my devices

I hear your powerlessness. Thanks for sharing.

Taphsic and filters are gedarim. Gedarim are very important. But, have you considered that perhaps you need more than gedarim to stay sober?

what do u suggest?

Have you read the handbook? There are progressive suggestions depending on how much help you need? Keep trying the tools. If they are not working, take it up a notch.

It's like medicine. Take the smallest dose that does the job. If it does not do the job, take a bigger dose.

I don't know if you need a good friend, rebbi, therapist, 12 step phone call, or live groups.

But, if what you are doing now, isn't helping, then you should consider doing something more.

hello
baruch hashem had one day clean.
i am back on the 90 day chart, looking forward to keep it up

day 2 was a success bh
entering into day 3 now...trying to avoid situations that would bring me to actually fight the addiction head on.

Keep up the good work!

Just some thoughts from someone who is struggling along with you:

Try to identify the things that are triggers. This will include immediate triggers (like being in certain places, seeing certain things etc. It may be movies, TV, the mall etc.)

Try to identify more "behind the scenes" factors. These may include being tired, stressed, hungry etc. It may be spending too much time alone.

Learn about yourself. Try to find ways to do more of the things that lift you and, and avoid the things that bring you down. And for those things that bring you down, work on finding Gedarim that help you in those situations.

hatzlacha!

AA Big Book Page 70

"To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache."

Hatzlacha!

There's nothing wrong with starting fresh and making a new thread, if it makes you feel like today is day one. It's a trick, but it works, and I could understand it. But don't feel ashamed of your past falls, and don't be quick to disregard them and hide them. Right now, they're a source of shame, but when (and I'm using the word, "when," not "if") you get to that place where you feel like things are working better (though they'll never be perfect), those falls are going to be a source of pride. You're going to look back and see how things have improved, and draw inspiration from them. Try to focus on that.

Also, I'm a geek, and I love data. As you learn about yourself and your weaknesses and what to do, all of these days become points of data, information you could use. So keeping things in one thread is a good tool.

We're all in the same boat, and we've all fallen, a lot (some, or most of us, at least). So don't feel embarrassed or ashamed, ever, ever, please.

started again the 90 day thread. today is baruch hashem my 2nd day clean so far.
yes. we must build upon previous falls..

Great job!