Hi guys-

Was hoping to get some advice here. I am not new to GYE technically. I have known about the site for about five years. I usually come on for a few months then just abandon everything so hopefully posting here will help. So here it goes:

Basically, my addiction started when I was in high school and now I am married with kids. I work at a job where I am treated like garbage so that is a huge stress in my life and having three kids is a huge stress. I feel like I don't have time to even sit down and think about things so life has taken a turn for me. When I was a teenager and I would fall, I would feel terrible and feel like a failure and have the desire to pick myself up. Now if I ever have the temptation, I basically chalk it up to stress and move along. I hope to change, but it's like my yetzer hara has convinced me that without this, the pain and stress would be too much. (And yes, I know that is his trick, so need to point that out), but when you feel terrible about yourself and feel like you can't get by, how do you go back to caring about this and to keep fighting, when you feel like this is the only thing that relieves stress? Any suggestions?

Hi Tzadik,
It is so nice to see you are starting to get help. I am in no position to give advice but I can share my hope for you and admiration that you are smart to reach out at your young age. I waited too long before I felt the urgency to tackle this problem or rather surrender it. I was caught by my wife and the severe pain it caused us both was unimaginable. No acting out could compensate for it. Now back on track and taking this seriously, my life is so much better. I focus at work and accomplish so much more in a day. I got noticed by my coworkers as being extremely motivated and effective this week. My relationship and relations with my wife are so much more intense and enjoyable.
Stick around here and engage in conversations with anyone because I benefit so much from the chizzuk of all the incredible warm and caring yidden on this site and so will you.

Welcome.
Has anything worked in the past?

The last time I was in such a big funk, it would have been when i was in high school and didn't know any better so be upset, but I grew up and was dealing with it and got frustrated with myself a lot over it, which obviously isnt good either, but at least i cared. I almost seem apathetic to it. I mean not completely apathetic because if so I wouldn't be on here, but I feel numb to it

First of all wow you are 6 days clean that is amazing.

second thing is yes you did great by posting and sharing, that is always a major first step in recovery.
And my personal opinion is from my experience, and from what i learned here many issues we face, fall away once we can tackle our Lust.

Welcome,
Nice first step.
I would look around the site at the forums, material, handbooks and such.
We cannot convince you that you should feel bad about it.
Generally, once a person realizes that his life is unmanageable, or if it's not at that point, but he has a tremendous desire to stop, that is when he will begin to recover.

b'hatzlachah

2 points i noticed while reading your comments;
1) you feel numb to it... or so you say, yet here you are posting so you must feel something. you may feel upset that it doesn't bother you anymore, but don't discount that. its very valuable. it means you'll take a good piece of advice should it be presented.
2) you hate your job, your overwhelmed with stress, both at home and at work so that seems like its the whole day. when exactly do you have time for yourself just to sit, think, relax, enjoy or wtvr?? i don't wanna sound like an apikores but i DON'T mean a seder or a teffilah i mean a healthy outlet for yourself that you can use as a recharge? i believe that, it'll make a huge difference in your stress life thereby alleviating some of the urge. of course it wont solve the problem, but relive some of the stress definitely.
lastly again on the idea of feeling numb to it. of course thats gonna happen. its natrual and normal, im surprised you didnt say you feel like its a mitzvah at this point. but like i said before youre here. and after a few clean days and reconnecting with your family and yourself youll feel once again.

best of luck,

A fellow struggler

Welcome to GYE, cantdoitmyself!! In truth, cantdoitmyself isn't only not new to GYE, it is in fact the entire foundation of what GYE stands on!! We have all come to realize that we can not do this ourselves!!

It seems that you are being quite hard on yourself, which is very common, most certainly by me. There is very good reason behind that, it makes us feel that we are doing something to fix the past, to show that we regret it, it keeps us alive so that we can continue the same behavior.

We're not here to change the past, we're here to take care of the present!! We need to take a deep breath and look at what life is giving us. Agreed that it might not be up to our expectations, it may not even be up to the world s standards of normal, but it is what it is and we can either die in it or turn it into life.

As you yourself wrote, you are striving to get better, if not you wouldn't be here, so keep that in mind, and also remember that there are no quick fixes, it takes time to change mindsets that we have drilled so deeply into our psyche.

Keep on Posting and KOMT!!!!!

cantdoitmyself wrote:


is that the way you've been feelin' the past month?
I certainly relate to that feelin' and time.

Lookin' forward to your return (last time I think you said it was five years or so, so perhaps set a reminder for May 2018).

b'hatzlachah