well here goes nothing: My name is needchange18. Im early 20's and have alot in common (unfortunately) with the rest of alot of the other people who post. To keep it concise, i kinda always had this garbage going on in the background but never really thought much about it. Around 8 yrs old i would oggle occasionally characters in comic books and women in clothing magazines. My family really wasnt too careful at all about not leaving these things around. While oggling, i pleasured myself as well. I also remember around 13 when i would borrow my mothers phone for bar mitzvahs, i would browse through shmutzy wallpapers and what not. Fast forwarding to 14, i started using the internet and did "research" and i also viewed alot of pics, but nothing so heavy. This stage was mostly pre-empted by guys at yeshiva my age and all the filthy things they would talk about. When i was 17 i got a smartphone thinking "ya it'll be good it'll be good." Needless to say it was not. That enabled me full access to pornography, which kinda just sucked the life and joy of that glorious senior year. When i went to yeshiva abroad, i didnt have anything tech-wise - no laptop, smartphone or anything, just a kosher phone and i actually enjoyed that. I guess the time i was away from home was pretty good- although i did fall several times it was much better than the past. Almost every time i came home for bein hazmanim i would fall right back where i left off, it was only a matter of time. When i was away for 2nd year i actually had 7 mos straight that were clean! And then came bain hazmanim. 3rd year- another 6 mos straight! and then bain hazmanim. Maybe you'll ask : ok so why dont you put a filter on whatever computer you use when home? Good question! I DID that, but someone else who is in the house that I KNOW has the same problem removed the filter before i knew it and insisted i not try that again. Fine. AT the end of the day, here we are a year afterwards. I have my own computer and i have VCF filter cloud. (pretty good in comparison to all the other things out there which have a lot of loopholes for people like us)I have a whitelist strictly for kosher websites, however i need to use other computers for various things, and i cant put a filter on it as i already mentioned. The bottom line is- i am sick of failing, falling, resenting myself, having no self confidence with these things, agonizing about the future and how i'll be normal, how will i not screw up in the businness world with these inyanim (not in shiduchim yet but i'm already bugging out about how/if i should tell the right girl- ive never even told these things to anyone in person let alone...) and other things as well. I basically need help and guidance as to what to do and how to stop failing in this area and start being matzliach for good!! I need help and suggestions what i can do to put this way behind me and stop retracting steps!! thanx for taking the time to read. Be well:P

Welcome,

It sounds like you are on the right path with a healthy attitude.
Stick around and explore the site and ideas.
Look in people's signatures for good, productive links.

b'hatzlachah

Im with you bro, it's not easy. But you've taken a big step by reaching out to otters for help and guidance. You CAN do it. It'll take a lot of work, but it's in you. Keep on posting

WELCOME! It's nice to have you with us. I can relate to much of what you wrote. You are wise to take action now, while you are still young. The handbook is a good place to start, as well as reading and posting on the forum. Hatzalcha Rabba!

You are lucky to be here so early in life.
you still have time to break out before you get married.

Welcome Chaver,

I relate very much to the beginnings -- looking at mainstream magazines, comics, and branching out from there. It just kept getting worse, and sicker. The clean times were true freedom, but the addiction eventually always took me back down another notch.
I have found that commitment and consistency are the key.

Even when I'm not in front of a computer, there's plenty of tantalizing imagaery out there -- women on the street, at work, at the store, in the news, on billboards. You get the idea. Looking at these women feeds the addiction with low doses of the lust drug. Looking at more intense stuff and masturbating is just a way to release all that built up tension, then the process starts again. So strict shmiras eynayim in all settings is key.

I find it equally important to guard my mind against fantasies and images that live there and pop up at the most inopportune times. Verbally asking Hashem to take the image/thought from me is what works here.

Much hatzlocha in finding what works for you. And when you find it, be very consistent. It only takes a little sip (slip) to get things going. The cleaner you stay, the cleaner you stay.

Wow. Glad to see you're almost at 250!!
Perhaps you  could update the oilam on how your journey's been since your first post?