hi everyone hum yeah first time writing overehere im currently having a hard time im clean since 45 days now for me its the longest time ever the thing is that in the last three days i feel that its coming back a little by a little and its horrible i feel its going to happened and i wont be able to stop it...
i hope sharing it is gonna help me a little...
i read the emails sometimes but a few days ago i was reading the news and oh a nice picture came up and thats how it all started whats ennoying is that you feel like even if you work on yourself they are always gonna be there to run after you
anyway i hope i will overcome this nisayon
just the fact of writing helped me gain the time i will wait for the answer i will not act out!

Shimshon Hi i wrote to you but it got erased sorry. Please keep posting and welcome .

Welcome,

glad you joined.

there is a wealth of info all around this site, and a nice group of fellows as well.

b'hatzlachah

concentrate on one moment at a time and remember that after your not going to feel good if you give in.

Also daven to hashem and ask him to help you give this nissayon to him

hatzlochoh and keep on posting

I am trying out knasing myself for acting out. It has kept me from some falls. I do realize, however, that I don't yet know how this will hold up. Maybe try it for yourself too.
(I hope others here can attest to such a method if it works or not.)

Hatzlacha Rabbah! You've accomplished a great achievement.

Shimshon - How do you feel after 45 days? wow isn't it really and truly exciting? How many other experiences in your life are a source of such pure physical/emotional/spiritual joy as this?
Now- what is the feeling after this bluff of the yetzer harah - that fools you into a seemingly exciting private rendezvous with yourself. You know like the sun is shining tomorrow the feeling- that let down - loser feeling- we all know all too well - that you will have after chas v'shalom a fall.

KOT- c'mon man -You spromised yourself that now is the real deal- you owe it to that sincere fellow that 46 days ago looked at himself and began his journey of a lifetime.

thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement, unfortunately i acted out today twice...
i do not know why but once the first thing started i feel that im unable to stop it meaning i could hold myself but sometimes theres a little detail which could wake up the monster deep down and once hes awake i cannot stop him i was actually sober for 45 days only because he slept.
basically my pb is that i dont how to avoid or deal with that little detail which is not even coming intentionnally! Thanks for all your help guys;)

k
you had a nice run though- 45 days is nothing to sneeze at
you established that you can put in significant clean/sober time

Now you have to tweek your system.
keep on the forum and talk about what triggers you. you will get invaluable advice

Yeah its true...
i guess next time i will do better!
its just ennoying to go through this sad time right after you acted out and i cannot do anything about it.
anyway, its interesting to write i just started but i feel more real and honest with myself, hashem probably put me in that situation so i should start writing and finnally get rid of it

right- do not be discouraged and remember the old rule of insanity. doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.
You certainly have to get up and get on a horse. this horse though has to be even sharper and more educated on his particular pitfalls.
you clearly have a humble and trusting attitude toward HKB"H - this is of course the most important

I got a real good feeling about you shim- Can't wait to enjoy watching you succeed on your journey!

It's late but I came back because I could sense your frustration.
Let me just tell you that pieces of advice that I have learned from the forum have been invaluable to me in keeping sober. I am no grosse kenacker but I have accumulated days that before I started was only a dream.
These simple but wise words ring in my ears and speak to me constantly
Here off the cuff are but a few:
other women "simply not my business"
don't be curious in what is around you even in the muttar realm and this will help not being curious in the assur realm - curiosity killed the cat
if I did look because I slipped or was spacing out and bad habits kicked in - then there is the 3 second rule which minimizes the issue
Hashem wants us to continue and improve - Hakpada on perfection is not only unrealistic it will ultimately lead to frustration and failure
I love world news and yet I have learned to stay away from fox news. If I don't I will slowly be led astray- an ad or an attractive anchorwomen or a story about women etc. etc.
Know yourself -to your own self be true - and take precautions.
Be ready to give up on some of your hobbies for a prize that is eternally much more precious.

Wow, H'izuk given here by yiraishamaim is really amazing, sure it will help us all, thank you very much !!

Sorry to hear about your fall Shimshon, I wrote you a message yesterday but it was erased too unfortunatly... Anyway, something that I've learned here is to only focus on the present day, forgot past and future and go ahead, we'll have time for teshuva after our recovery (and working on recovery is in itself the biggest part of the teshuva) !! You have shown with your 45 day clean strike that you're on the way to create a real connection with Hachem despite all the difficulties on the road !

I know it's difficult to stand up after a fall but something I learned (here on GYE too is that we are very hard with ourselves, we may not see all the progress because of a fall but it's totally WRONG, a fall doesn't mean to go back to initial state, on the contrary it's a step on the way to recovery, especially when you gave all this efforts ! I can tell you that by reading your post I see a wonderful beginning in this Avodat Hachem and recovery, really, I don't even see the fall as you're already back on the battlefield to serve Hachem ! You rocks, you gonna make it for sure !

Hoping for good news and advices of what works for you soon !! Thank you

Wow! 45 days is amazing!!!

I have felt in the past that i can stay clean for a long time as long as there are no bumps in the road. But one little crack and I would collapse in a heap. (Of course they always came sooner or later.. ) I didnt really feel good about myself even when I was clean because it didnt feel like it had anything to do with me.

B"h after posting here a little, I have come to recognize 2 things:

1) EVERY day that I am clean is a victory (No one said it has to be hard! Point is just to be clean!! )

2) I have come to recognize that those "bumps in the road" generally come when I am thinking poorly of myself. Hence, when i get down, I try to tell myself that I am not really so bad and try to lift my spirits. Then I dnot feel that urge quite as much... Of course thats not always enough. Connecting with fellow GYEers really helps, too.

Anyway, I dont know if this is helpful to you, just sharing

45 days! I'm still impressed! I am currently working on my longest streak and I am at like half of that!! KOT! Let us all know how its going!

WELCOME! I can totally relate. Going good for a while, then a bit of taiva creeps in for some reason. Then it grows and grows until I feel I MUST act out. Then start over again.

Coming here is a great first step! Was there any stress or other issue that perhaps triggered it. Many of our triggers are in fact emotional, boredom, lonliness, some stress. It often does not begin with a physical trigger.

Having a good friend to talk to, especially a GYE friend that understands what you are going through can be a BIG help. Does anyone in your "real" life know that you are struggling? Friend, Rebbi, Rav, Parent, wife (Are you married?)

Have you read the handbook? Check out some of the links in my signature.

Maybe see Dov's piece on "Nuclear Reset" you can find it by clicking the dov quotes link in my signature. It's one of the first ones.

Hatzlacha!


Keep in Touch, and Keep on Truckin!

my rabbi knows abt it bit i cannpt call him watever i have a pb