I'm 16 years old. I started watching when I was 12- I didn't know about the issur until maybe a year later when hearing layning at shul. B"h this war isn't as string as the other one of masturbating, but it's still difficult. I also started to motzi zera levatala before finding out about the issur. It's been A very steep uphill Battle for me all along. I don't think my issue is as severe as others but still... yesterday I had a miserable time. Being on break, I was at home all day mightly struggling. I was able to stop myself even though I already started searching on my filtered computer. When my family came home later during the day, I told myself "okay, let's satisfy at least a bit " . In short I set myself up for failure. I thought I was strong enough. I davened and thought Hashem would immediately help me (I obviously didn't have enough kavana) . I thought I learned after my first falls but I find myself learning even after my 100th fall. My struggle of hirhurim are so great sometimes I wish I weren't jewish (c'v). Since I hit rock bottom abit a year ago, I haven't felt that much regret when I fell. I Know I'm building muscle but I need to get stronger know. I think on breaks I don't learn as much and that's what causes my break downs. So, I have decided to learn a couple of psukim at the turn of every hour. B"h He will help us because כל מאן דעביד. רחמנא לטב עביד (all what Hashem dies is for the good- brachos)

Welcome,

Have you spoken to anyone about this?

b'hatzlachah

great hearing from you
you are really getting on like a hero
may hashem help you in full
if you choose and decide for any price not to go back there, then hashem will definitely help you to fulfill your decision
all you might need is a bit of deeper though and you made it
bhatzlocho

Hi Unknowngye
Welcome - look out also in the Teenager section, have a talk to "when zeidy was young"
Start reading the Gye Handbook
Hatzluche Raba

I've spoken to a few people. I just now realized that I don't want it that badly enough. I used to but it seems like.that feeling has faded. Just moments ago I fell ad I had LOADS of time to stop but I didn't! I don't know what happened:(

you know it is wrong. emotionally you just don't want to accept it. like a guy knows he's fat but does not really think about it. he needs to strip down and look a long time in the mirror and be sick of his bulging belly. then he has a chance to diet. and if he does won't he be happier than staying fat?

same with you. pretend that someone is viewing you from the beginning of a trip to act out until you actually mast..Look at it through his viewing eyes. Isn't it pathetic? isn't it as filthy as it gets? truly think about it. We know Hashem is surely watching. Is that the reason why then king of kings created you for? By the way so many of us get caught in the act. whatcha gonna do then?
I am not judging you- I have done the same for a lot more years.
But never fool yourself. There is nothing exciting about these actions.
It only leads to a low,a very low self-esteem.
But-You acted bravely.
you started to communicate here. The Y"Harah will do anything to make you stop communicating here. Because he knows that this is the very best way to start you on the road of recovery. The road to a strong sense of self-respect. Did you here me? You can begin to respect yourself again. Isn't that worth everything?
Stay on and let the group here guide you and be the best friends you will ever have.
I can't wait to hear you start on the right road and sense the priceless feeling of hope.

Thank you!! U touched something. I just need to keep out up now

WELCOME! Your story sounds very familiar to me. You seem to be in "trying harder" mode. If I just try harder I can succeed. I "tried harder" for more than 15 years and it didn't help. I kept gettin worse. You need to "try smarter" not "harder".

Read the handbook, check out some of the links in my signature. A parent or trusted rebbi can help. Does anyone know that you are struggling?

We are good at making the same mistake over and over again, and thinking next time will be different.

I made the same mistakes for over 20 years, and B"H I'm 5 1/2 years sober today. It can be done, but my attitude and approach had to change first.

GYE was a life saver, but not just empty chizzuk of "trying harder". Stay busy, have friends and/or mentors that you can talk to. There is loads more to say... Keep posting and reading. Most importantly, no matter what, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!