Ok full recap. Been on porn for 4 yrs. I'm 23 now, I really abuse it, although have had clean periods of a month spread out throughout the past four years and one 4 month stretch. I really feel like my control over my impulses are close to nil and that if I was approached by a women regardless of the severity of the averiah I wouldn't be able to control myself. This scares me the most. I have tried Sa and have tried numerous other things none seemed to have helped. The one thing that did work was the taphsic method but after the shevua was over, and I mean RIGHT AFTER, I binged like mad. So I need advice for how to go forward, tell me what worked for you, thx a million guys!

Welcome back!

We missed you.

Tell me please about your SA experience.

thanks

b'hatzlachah

Hi, glad you're here! I would echo Cordnoy and ask about you're SA experience. When you say you have tried numerous methods to stop including taking a shavuah, it reminds me of the methods I try when I want to lose and get fit. The second they are over, I go right back and binge. Fortunately for me, I don't have that option for lust (like I have for food.). Actually, I'd like to thank you, because I have been noticing that I'm letting my guard down lately and allowing myself to much room for error. Your post is a reminder to me that trying implies failure and I just can't afford to have that in my life. My life, health and sanity depends on my sobriety and recovery. I pray to Hashem, that you come to this realization about your self. When I read your posts I think of how I used to be. It was like I had a loaded gun with a hair pin trigger that I liked to point at my head and play Russian roulette with. I would at times keep the safety on and at times take it off. Maybe I'd even pull the trigger here and there. I managed to keep dodging the bullet somehow. When it got real close, I'd lock the gun up for awhile. After awhile, I'd forget how close I came to self destruction and I'd be back it again. I don't play Russian roulette with my soul anymore, B"H.

Hatzlacha!

Thx guys, reagarding Sa I attended for a few months, maybe 5. Didn't do a thing for me but I do still keep some of the ideas in my head because I can appreciate their way of doing things.

hi.
The holy ohr hachaim hakodosh writes the follwing;

This desire is impossible to overcome al pi derech hateva unlike any other desire that hashem instilled in us.We can all attest to that.

Hashem drives this desire in us to such a degree that it is impossible to overcome it with tools that would otherwise be effective.

He did this in order to force us to realize the above and to gradually leave us no choice but to cry out to him when we are in the throes of temptation.

The only possible method for us to proceed in this holy of holiest avodas hashem of managing this desire is by non-stop turning to him.

The more we do that, the easier it will become.

We will find that when we turn to him in the throes of temptation, it is manageable and when we forget momentarily to do that, we cannot overcome.

This is the most special gift from god to leave us no choice but to cling to the source of life himself, and which gradually(as hashem made it so that it should be a lifelong process) brings only the best blessings upon all of his children.

Thank you for that.

You seem to be saying
Although we certainly don't want this Tayva, at the end of the day it forces us to get close to Hashem and that will ultimately bring us much Bracha.

Truly Inspiring - if we KOT - there is a pot of gold for us in the end!

Thx for the words guys.
The prob with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is that theres no END of the rainbow

Hi Mr. Clean!

Good to see you back!

It's hard for anything to work if you don't participate in the program. Just showing up every once in a while won't help.

Please don't be a stranger!

you say the problem is that there is no end to the rainbow.

What you mean to say is that you(we)are in PAIN that there is no end to the rainbow.

We feel like we are suffering due to no end to the rainbow.

There is no problem due to the fact that there is no end to the rainbow, because god made it precisely so that there should be no end to the rainbow.

If he made it so, there is no problem, he could have made it so that there should be an end to the rainbow, but out of his love for us, and due to his wanting only the very best for his sweetest children, he did exactly what only he knows(and now we know) would be the very best of situations for us.

He is not limited.

He can make ends of rainbows.

He knows that this way-the one we live in- the one that feels painful to us(at first), is the very best for us. It will gradually start feeling to us less painful as well, as hashem slowly lets us experience more and more of the above.

And as he does not want us to feel pain at all, but like the most loving father wants us to feel nothing but sheer ecstasy at all times. The pain that we feel at first is merely the way hashem wants us to feel the light following the darkness.

As the more pain we have at first, that much more pleasure will eventually result.

No end of the rainbow?
this defeatest attitude has no place in recovery.

As we improve and progress we are then worthy of bracha. more and more so- in this very world. When we finally finish our journey we are rewarded for our efforts for eternity. We call it menucha -my rebbe once said- because then the soul is truly at rest- there is no more adversity with the yetzer harah- no more fighting -just basking in the glow of our achievement.
( true we are always recovering- always on guard for triggers etc. But can we really compare the way we felt as we entered treatment to the way we feel after a successful 90 day clean run?)

yiraishamaim wrote:


Worthy of brachah?
and when does one know if he is worthy or not?
while he is steeped in the filth of dreg, should he be askin' for brachah?
Doesn't God love us all?

Cordnoy stop it already you don't even mean what you post so cut it out please.

Oh, I do mean what I write.
God loves us all.

I deleted a megillah (on purpose this time).
It is not up to us to decide when we are worthy of blessin' or not.
Let God take care of His business.

b'hatzlachah

We don't have to be the ones deciding but if thats what chazal tell us all over we should believe it no?

It doesn't mean we need to understand it but we should believe it. (chazal have a pretty good record so we can trust them)

so, come out and tell us please what chazal say and what you believe.