I am a 22 year old bachur. I am living at my parent's home now.
I started with pornography when I was 13.
I've had times when I was 13-15 when I had an unfiltered device. I would sit on porn sites sometimes for many hours a day. Then I left home to go to an out of town yeshiva. When I was there, I would be motzi zera l'vatolo often. the longest stretch I could hold myself was probably a month. This was infrequent, however, and the average was probably one a week.

Since I started wiith porn, I don't think I had more than 6 weeks, at a time I had internet access, that I did not view porn.

In yeshiva I would find a way to have access to porn every once in a while, which was probably once a month.

I'm not bad at getting around filters, unfortunately. Sometimes I would spend hours trying to get around a filter-unfortunately I would often succeed.

I keep trying to overcome this. The last few months, I went a few periods of a few days over 2 weeks without porn. However, I could not stop from hotza'as zera for more than around 10 days.

Unfortunately, in my house, we have non-jewish magazines which have pictures of women who are barely dressed. I often seek out these magazines when the ta'avah comes up and I give in it. Many magazines are also sent to our house which we don't care about, and did not ask for. These also contain images which are bad for a yiddishe neshama. I go and take these out of the garbage, where they were put.

I have my own computer, which I need for what I do. This computer is a problem around 2 times a month, when I find a new way to get around the filter.

As I finished writing the previous paragraph,I went to a porn site.


HELP! HELP! HELP!!

Can I really beat this?

I will add, that I am generally a very optimistic person, even though here is an exception.

The truth is, though, that once I am a few days into a clean streak, I often feel optimistic, only to fall again.

I just fell 2 times in an hour, so I don't feel very good.

Thank you to everybody for your help and support and useful knowledge-I need it.

If anyone can tell me that they were in a worse position and recovered, that would be amazingly helpful for me.

Thank you all again!

Much hatzlacha u'bracha in everyting good!

WELCOME! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote, though I grew up before internet was common. I remember checking out the magazines that come to the house, keeping mental notes of page numbers, renting videos (remember those) from the video store (what's that ). Keeping track of the littel counter to know where the goodbad scenes were.

Going to Israel, trying to stop, keeping a notebook of my falls (before the GYE 90 day thingy)...

I really could write a whole megillah here. I can totally relate. B"H, I'm married today with a family. After over 10 years married my wife found out, and I went through hell. B"H, things have gotten much better, and I'm 5 1/2 years sober now.

GYE was/is a big part of it. Read the handbook, see some of the links in my signature, keep on posting. We know what you are going through. We are here for you. Many have done it, so can you.

Thank you so much, that means a lot to me.

Welcome!!!

Your asking if you can really change? You said you have for 6 weeks in the past or a month. Let me tell you many guys here never went for a week and are doing amazing today. Can you do one day? yes. So you can do it because its all about just one day at a time.

Make yourself comfortable and keep on posting you'll be amazed that you CAN REALLY CHANGE be"h.

KUTGW!!!

Welcome again,

You are still young.
I joined when I was much older.
There are advantages and disadvantges each way, but whatever it is, we are all here on the same boat.

Stick around; post your issues.
We are all here to be helped and to help others.

b'hatzlachah

Yes you can change! For many years i never went more than a week clean, so i can totally relate to you. Currently i am bh still clean, but the ikur is to focus on the right now and today. You can do it!

Yes, you can change!

Hatzlacha!

May I make a suggestion, it is a suggestion that was made to me when I first started posting here. It is a lot easier for the olam to help you, if you stick to one thread for yourself and continue to post there.

Hatzlacha!

Thank you everyone for the chizuk.

Until GYE, I don't know if I was sure I'd ever really do it-now I'm sure I will be"H.

One thing I was thinking is that since my problem is not one of the most extreme cases, I felt like I never hit bottom, so it is hard to really put my full work into it.

Now I realize that this MUST be fixed, NOW.
My main motivation is that I want to get married clean, or at least on the right path, so that my marriage is a succesful one imy"H. Along the same lines, I don't want to cause pain to my future wife.

Btw, does anyone have advice about telling the potential spouse?

I also read somewhere, "helping reach bottom while still on top." I can relate to this b"H. I feel that I am still on top.

I fully believe now that this is possible.

I beleive there is something in the FAQ section about telling date, but I don't have time to look it up right now.

First worry about getting clean. When the time is right, you should tell her. Again, I don't have time to write more about it now.

BUT, FIRST GET CLEAN. That is the first order of business.