If I speak to a live person I will have to chose him very carefully. It will need to be someone who won't disrespect me or lose even any teeny weeny amount of respect for me

everybody was sure I would turn out to be one of the Gedolim.

Okay. I'm not one of the smart guys just a guy with some time on my hands and a desire that someone not waste his life away because he feels that he is supposed to be the gadol hador, but will never be, so why bother at all.
When I first came here many moons ago, I believe it was Dov who commented to me stop thinking so much and start doing.
The feeling that I am supposed to be, could be the gadol hador, but I am not the gadol hador, is in my not-smart-guy opinion a form of gayvah. Now, you may say I'm not looking to be the gadol hador but simply NIC. But reading in between the lines you seem to be saying that had NIC lived up to his potential he could have been Admor NIC Shlita.
We all myself included think we are greater than we really are. As you seem to recognize is a feeling the Yetzer Hora throws upon us.
When we come up to shomayim, we will see what it is that Hashem wanted from us. We are not Neviim and we have no way of knowing. But we do know this: Hashem gave us a Torah and to the best of our abilities He wants us to keep it. So what that means on a practical level is that we need to take one day at a time and serve Him each day to the best of our abilities. Some days we will succeed. Others we won't. If we take that approach after 120 we can look back and see a lot of single days that add up to a mountain of accomplishment. The other alternative is that we can start out each day, say today there is no way I can finish the day as the gadol hador so I might as well not try. At the end of 120 we will look back, see nothing and say "you see I told you I couldn't do it."
I forget which Rishon says that our mission in life is to perform 1 mitzvah l'shem shomayim. And that is pshat in רצה הקבה לזכות את ישראל לפיכך הרבה להם ורה ומצות. Since there are so many opportunities hopefully the person will perform one right during his life time. So we don't have to write the hammek davar, we don't even have to be a tzaddik, we have to be good Jews. Treat our wives properly (not as a sex object), raise good children and be honest in business.
If you start working on that TODAY you will be able to look back in a year from now and hopefully say that I don't know whether I have reached my potential but I know that I am a better person than I was last year.
I just want to end with a story someone once told me. He was speaking to a kid that was in the dumps. The kid turned to him and said tell me Rabbi (he actually wasn't a real rabbi but a business man who was making an effort to fulfil his potential): It says that if a person does teshuva his averois become zechuyos. Tell me exactly how all of the XXX movies I've watched will become zechuyos. The business man thought for a minute and turned to him (he told me Hashem put this answer in his head on the spot). When you go to Yeshiva and start applying yourself and you eventually become a rebbi you will turn to a kid who was just like you and he asks you "how can I do it." you'll be able to respond I was the same way but look where I've come to. At that point all of those movies will become zechoyus. So NIC, do your job for today. And tomorrow do your job for tomorrow. In a couple of years when the next NIC comes on and says he is such a failure be in the position to tell him, I was there to, I felt like a nothing too. But look at me now. Everyday, I try my best to be a good yid and you can too. At that point, you will see how you were able to transform a perceived walking baal taschis into a walking baal tachlis.
Hope I didn't offend you with anything I wrote. And, if you disagree with what I wrote then I guess you'll have to wait for the smart guys to come along.

The idea that even if sharing with someone could save your life you still wouldn't do it if it meant that someone might lose "even a teeny weeny amount of respect" for you if bizarre. Why is the respect so important that you'd rather stay ill than damage it even in a small way?

The root of this illness is our wrong way of thinking that we run our lives and our world and we have to be in control of everything . The cure to this illness is having Hashem run our lives and our world and let Him control .

So I suppose I should take the advice from all of you chaverim and try moving ahead slowly and planning and hoping and davening to get to where I should be as soon as possible without jumping the gun.

The root of this illness is our wrong way of thinking that WE run our lives and our world and WE have to be in control of everything . The cure to this illness is having Hashem run our lives and our world and let Him control . I said it in a nutshell but this is the whole Torah of it . It is very simple but not easy . Its a lifetime job ... but your are worth it .