Newaction, Thank you for you words of wisdom.

Let me ask you something. Do you have a sponsor, partner or do you go to group meetings? If the answer is yes to any of these, how often do you speak with him or attend the meetings, and how often did you do this when you first began with it? Etc.

At the beginning of the program i listened to what people wrote in the forums. Also from the beginning i joined Duvid Chaim's phone conferences. I read the AA book some of the white book and now i am dealing with Over eaters anonymous. I actually meet weekly (already about half a year) with a sponsor who also is a life coach. Besides i started to meet weekly with another sponsor for codependency addiction. And i will soon be meeting with a trainer for exercise.Now in the summer i cant join the phone conferences that much Because of the time difference. Duvid Chaim lives here in jerusalem and i am very much in contact with him. And as i said i myself sponsor somebody who is starting his way with the program.
Listen Hashiva with all of that, i still find difficult to change a reaction that i was used to it for decades.I never new i had another options.If i come home and my wife has a bad sad ugly mood face i learned that it is not for me to take it personally; she has problems in dealing with life so i wont get an automatic bad sad ugly mood myself.(like the way i used to do). I can not explain all the cases and stories. Your case is particularly yours and your coach will help you in dealing with it. In short,reading the program , 12 steps , learning humility, not controlling the uncontrollable, let Hashem run your life, listen to forums and telephone conferences, having a coach to direct you and eventually be a coach yourself.Listen this is crazy but a lot of people today , me included, do not know how live.Just plainly how to live a life , why is it so difficult to do ? Maybe because 60-70 years ago life was a struggle . just to put bread on the table. Or just to be a jew among the goyim was not easy at all . But now we have all or most of the basic things. So we have extra time or less worries so we lose contact with reality . I dont know myself just thinking out loud . Today one of the most difficult sciences is how to live your life in a normal way.

Thank you, Newaction. Now you're talking!

I think all of the hashkofos and ideas you say are wonderful words of wisdom, but you didn't just become a baal kishron yesterday with the capability of wise thoughts. Nor did you just yesterday begin to want things to be good in your life. And you at many points in your life could have done this or that better for a tekufa. But it had no extended kiyum. This time is different. It seems to be a lasting change this time besiyato dishmaya. So what is the real foundation of your change? I think it is the fact that you are bound to your changes by the fact that you have connected yourself with several people in connection to your growth and made schedules with them and thereby made yourself accountable to them. You put yourself into a setting which keeps you bound and connected to your growth.

I think each of us has somewhat different issues and different nuances and the exact same ideas may not work the same for all of us or at least they may need tweaking and modification, but there is a tzad hashoveh, and that is the fact that we all need to be immersed in the mode of bettering ourselves. That is something that we can certainly learn from each other.

That, I think, is the thing I was searching for.

cordnoy wrote:


shlomo613 wrote:


Did Shlomo understand corrctly what you are saying? I certainly don't. Please explain.

I don't think that's it.
What he's saying is that although we are all attracted to fantasies, there are varying degrees of realism in each fantasy. Using pornography as an example, some videos are designed to be ridiculously fantastical, while others attempt to mimic "real" situations (much like "reality" TV).
He seems to be suggesting that the further into recovery we venture, the more "realistic" we need our fantasy land to be, because we are being more "real" with ourselves.
I'm not sure I agree.

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


He might have.
If I get a chance, i will rethink how to write.

Thanks

Bigmoish wrote:


If that's what he's saying, what's the point? Either way it's no good.

There was no indication of there being a "point" other than to attempt to understand ourselves better.

Bigmoish wrote:


The point was to bump the thread. That is truly a very important point.

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


Finally somethin' I can understand!

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


Baruch Hashem finally i said something !!





I became a baal kishron yesterday ?????
B"H i never said that and that is so far from truth


This time is different ????? I feel this is just the beginning. I am still struggling and i still feel that "one day at a time" feeling, you can be sure about it.

Whatever you liked from what i said "finally", should be of much success for you and all our brothers in arms in this truly "holy war" of us. KUMT !!!

newaction wrote:

As one of my bosses likes to say, "I was born at night, it just wasn't last night!"

Wow, Lots of comments since I last checked this thread. Don't really have time to read all the long posts but they sounded serious.

And Hello NewAction from Newlife.

I wasn't able to speak with my chaver/sponsor today, so instead, and in order not to be mevatel the kvius, I'm repeating something that we discussed yesterday. We spoke about the seriousness of not sinning and that one should give away all of his possessions rather than commit a single transgression. We discussed this at length.

So you ask why is this helpful? The answer is that we really need chizuk in knowing how much damage we do to ourselves when we chas vesholom fall, and the old me didn't have a friend with whom he discusses this and didn't have a kvius to be immersed in such thoughts, and when a questionable issue arose, didn't have with whom to clarify it, ma she'ain kain now. It's the lifeline for my metamorphosis.

I hope.

And pray.

(_{I'm posting this to share with the chevra and maybe someone might have a toeles. I request that you don't respond to me telling me that it won't work or anything negative, because Only chizuk. After all there definitely isn't anything bad in what I'm saying, I think.})

And what does knowing that damage help?