Thank you yiraishamaim and GYEmember. I hope to implement this plan to remember. I don't cease to be touched by the ahavas yisroel of the chaverim here.

You have no idea how good you make me feel when I hear I have helped someone or they are touched perhaps by what I have said.
I am able to feel that although I have strayed over the years with this dreaded cursed habit there is some silver lining after all.

I really think you are wonderful and you have been helpful to me many times and I see that you are helpful to others too. I wouldn't say a silver lining but rather I would say you are solid gold. I think hashem gave you this difficulty to contend with because he wants you're avoda. As it says by David 'לא הי' דוד ראוי לאותו מעשה אלא להורות תשובה כו And that's exactly what you are doing. You are doing teshuva and showing others the way.

yiraishamaim, I just did the 5 minutes. That's to your credit.

Wow. Powerful stuff!

Chizuk. .. and a michayev

....אלא להורות תשובה

I am deeply moved.

Thank you for the kind words. I too am inspired by you Hashiva. Bli neder I have decided to up my Avodas Hashem as well in a particular area.

Exciting isn't it Jews motivating each other!

KOl Tuv!

FYI

I have copied your message. I want to save it and look at it when I need a boost.
With your words you have given me a gift that I value more than I can express.

Thank you.

Today I slipped, sadly. I saw a picture of a woman on the machine and it was fuzzy and you couldn't quite see to what extent anything was exposed and I tried to look closely to figure it out. Until I caught myself and stopped. I hope it doesn't have to be considered a fall. I regret this and I am reporting it here for the purpose of accountability, as it is the accountability and connection here which has helped mo so much until now.

Which reminds me that I also slipped a few days ago when at the bank I was merbeh sicha with the lady (not tzniusdig) at the desk. Maybe if I would've reported that then, I wouldn't have slipped again.

I can relate to your opening words. My life did not go according to my "biography" in my head. Its necessary to throw out the "biography" and become the unique individual G-d made me to be. You can too.

Oh Hashivah I can so relate OLD HABITS DIE HARD. Of course you will slip here and there. You didn't think for a moment you would be entirely Y"H/slip free at this point.did ya?
There is a famous statement by the Ba'al Shem Tov that sometimes a person does an aveira and the Y"H puts him into such a depressive mood by magnifying the issue in his head so he won't serve Hashem properly.
You see the Y"H can"t tell you to get off the program of self-improvement 'cause your sold to the importance of GYE and its teachings- hook line and sinker. However he has a shot of making you so intense and concerned that you get down on yourself. THAT IS DANGEROUS
let's see - let's take out an old fashion scale. On one plate of the scale you have significant clean days. As well you have used GYE, which helps you in your challenges as a platform to inspire and give chizuk to others who share your difficulties. On the other side you have perhaps some impure thoughts here and there and a touch of talking/subtle flirting with some lady.

On the scale of things you are looking mighty fine. Talk to Hashem - explain how you are working on your shortcomings and you are sorry - quietly and humbly - no need for too much drama.

Now get back on the train. We need you Hashiva - and we need a 100% happy and confidant Hashiva.

KOMT !!!! Hashivah your doing great, so KUTGW!!!

I run into trouble at the bank. Maybe together we can work on that. Next time I go to the bank I will B"n ask Hashem to remove any natural desires that are of no use to me at a bank.

I had devised a plan but I didn't keep it that time. My plan is that I make sure to be preoccupied when I get to the desk, like I'm on the phone or busy with some paperwork or reading something and am only available for the bank clerk intermittently as totally necessary for banking and not anything more.