I learnt the hard way that everything that chazal say is 100% accurate. I used to not keep the tznius of not looking at the wife in certain places. Chazal tell us that the consequence of this is bnin delo maali. I have several children with problems physical & spiritual lo aleichem. That's how I know that it's the consequence of my acting out. And if someone thinks that if he looks at other women in those places or pictures of it it's less problem than doing it with his wife, I think he shouldn't be so sure of that.

I feel for you.
you should only have nachas.
I, however, don't think that it's so black n' white, but perhaps I am noge'a b'davar.

b'hatzlachah

I can make a bet that there are many who do the same and did not get the "punishment".

It is very fundamental to believe in Chazal, that is a given. But you might be playing G.od by deciding when and to who He does what He does. Now you are awakening and doing your Turnaround.
I can see that you are a sensitive soul and that is very beautiful. THE QUESTION IS WHAT TO DO NOW . The answer is very simple ; do your homework watch your eyes for your sake your own sake and duty . keep sober with the system that works . Miracles should follow. But do it for your freedom "leshem shamayim" Not out of fear of punishment or awaiting a reward. THERE IS ALWAYS A SECOND CHANCE ( Diaspora Yeshiva Band ) , despair , despondency , YIUSH is playing the Y"H's game . Stand up and face your responsibilities with valor and TRUST in THE ALMIGHTY . HATZLACHA !!!!!

Cordnoy how are you nogea badavar ? i dont get it

newaction wrote:


Perhaps I do the same.
Perhaps my children are similar.
"Feelin' guilty" is somethin' I want no part of.

I am actually very guilt ridden. It goes further. This is however not as clearly backed up in that chazal but I think this way. By the way I am parenting now, my kids wouldn't have the spiritual part of the problems I mentioned. So how do you make a a potentially good parent not do the right things with his kids? So I had other big tzaros which I won't mention here which completely took away my yishuv hadaas, so in an indirect way I see all of those problems as part of me receiving the earlier mentioned consequence.

My brother Hashiva i am not exactly sure what is the main point you want to transmit. I don think it is healthy to keep thinking over and over how guilty you are for the tzaros of the oilam. if it gives you a pure broken heart that is beautiful . If it demoralizes you and by the same token paralyzing you from going further , then it must stop at once. It is not good to dwell on the why has Hashem did this to me , but rather on the "for what reason " "what for" "what i should do now"

I agree that it's not a healthy attitude. I wish I wouldn't be this way. I can't explain myself but I am metzapeh leyeshua. I also don't know what my point is but I suppose I'm just hoping for some chizuk or advice(that I can/will follow) or anything that could help.

We're here for you, so if you want to talk, you can. You're not alone in your struggle, you have brothers who got your back. May you only have mazel, bracha, vhatzlacha and much simcha and nachas!

Amen!

Hashiva,

I've been following your growth closely, although I hardly comment. I daven for you and feel for you. עמך אנוכי בצרה.

You say you're looking for an eitzah. Have you ever tried R' Nachman's eitzah in ליקו"מ סימן רפ"ב? And he says it's not just a nice eitza, but a person HAS to do it for his own sake! You say you need your neshama back. He says that's the way to be מחיה ourselves.

It's only natural for us to obsess over an over when we feel guilty about something we did. As a matter of fact, it may be natural to obsess about it for frum, ehrlich reasons. If someone on this site has found that help them toward a healthy tshuva, kindly speak up. In the meantime, R' Nachman's eitzah is the exact opposite of that. It's not an easy avodah. But hey, it's worth a try!

Gut Shabbos!

ineedchizuk wrote:


First I thank you meumka deliba for caring and speaking up to help. I dont have likutei mitzvos and I couldn't seem to find it on hebrewbooks.org. I'm wondering if there's any way you can give a link to it or attach it somehow.

I found it so I'm posting here for everyone.

"אזמרה..."

כשמתחיל האדם להסתכל על עצמו ורואה שרחוק מטוב והוא מלא עוונות, אזי יכול ליפול עי״ז ולא יוכל להתפלל כלל, על כן הוא מחויב לחפש ולבקש ולמצוא בעצמו איזה טוב, כי איך אפשר שלא עשה מימיו איזה מצווה או דבר טוב. ואף כשמתחיל להסתכל באותו טוב שעשה, הוא רואה שהטוב בעצמו הוא מלא פצעים ואין בו מתום, כי הטוב מעורב בפניות ובפסולת הרבה, אעפ״כ אי אפשר שלא יהיה בהמעט טוב, איזה נקודה טובה. וכן צריך לחפש ולבקש עד שימצא בעצמו עוד איזה דבר טוב, ואף שגם זה הטוב מעורב גם כן בפסולת הרבה, עם כל זה על כל פנים יש בו איזה נקודה טובה, וכן יחפש ויבקש עוד, עד שימצא בעצמו עוד איזה נקודות טובות, ועי״ז שמוצא בעצמו איזה זכות וטוב, עי״ז יוצא באמת מכף חובה לכף זכות, ויוכל לשוב בתשובה עי״ז, ועי״ז יוכל להחיות את עצמו ולשמח את עצמו איך שהוא, ואז יוכל להתפלל ולזמר ולהודות להשם. (ליקו״מ סימן רפ״ב)

It is clear that we have all fallen. We all have plenty of personal difficulties and challenges that pull our spirits downward.

It is also obvious that we are sincerely working on ourselves to improve. At the same time we give each other chizuk.

My friends wake up and smell the coffee. We live in a selfish world that is filled with immediate exposure to filth. To do what we are doing is not to be under-valued.

IT IS AWESOME! Hashem cherishes a broken heart and simply loves achdus. We are already getting SIATA D'SHEMAYA. If we stay the course more and more miracles will come our way.
I am so thankful to Hashem to call you all my buddies.I respect and love you more than you can imagine. Keep the faith! The yeshuah is already here and picking up speed . A gut shabbos to all.

yiraishamaim wrote:


What a wonderful post. Thank you. Gut Shabbos.