Why should He not want to?

serenity wrote:


So then I'm at the bottom.

newaction wrote:


I've tried white knuckling with all of my issues. With Shmiras ainayim I have tried GYE. It seems to be working as I have so far been on a clean streak for 40 days. GYE forum and 90 day chart have helped me. This is truly amazing progress with this issue. But I am in tremendous pain about my other issue, which I believe has been the cause of the shmiras aunayim issue. That is my non functioning. Feeling like a loser wasn't good for my yiras shamayim. I still feel like a loser.

You ask why hashem shouldn't want to help. I'm not saying that he doesn't want to help me but I don't know what he wants. There is a tremendous amount of suffering on this world and it is happening because hashem wants it that way. He is the only boss of everything. My wife and children and I have had and continue to have a portion of this suffering. I don't know why hashem wants this. I'm sure it's for good reason. But do I know that he wants to heal me? Do I know that he wants to heal my wife and children? I hope he does if it could be for the best.

Have you reached rock bottom ?? Thats fantastic news . Now it is time for the TURNAROUND . You are now standing at The Best Time of Your Life . The only direction for you from now on is upwards . Think about it Hashivali , tell me if i am wrong.
BEHATZLACHA in your Journey going up !!

serenity wrote:


I want to go very high. I hope I really want it. I want to want it.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:


So then, if what you are saying is true(though I'm not convinced), I rephrase. Does hashem want me to really want him to?

newaction wrote:


Amen!

Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:


Dear Hashivah, sorry for being so blunt, right in the beginning of your thread we discussed already some of this, you are continuously mentioning YOUR achieving and YOUR underachievement, if YOU could ever function again and so much of YOUR talent wasted etc. etc....., what's the source of all this? who are we at all? we expect from ourselves perfectionism why? and if we don't achieve it we fall in despair why? we would like to think its some holiness so why then do we become sad from it?

YES its G-D's given gift to you that you came to GYE to realize who you are and what you are, no different than many others (addict or non-addict) who struggle with all the schmutz of the world each in his own way, that's why one of the major steps is to admit and to open up, why is it so hard to do it? its our ego the GAAVAH that doesn't let us realize that we are simply nothing, we are totally powerless over this (and any other thing).

Like we understand that breathing is from HASHEM if not for him we wouldn't get up in the morning, so do we have to fully realize that anything and everything is HASHEM, all the Nisyonos and the achievements are from him, all our failures and our good deeds we attribute to HIM, we cling to him for our dear life and sanity and we ask him to remove all obstacles and hardships along the way, and beg he should lighten up the recovery process so we could see his Rachamin and Chasadim always.

No easy task but that's the whole life, now go learn! I've only started and hope to get there eventually and so will you IY"H.

My dear Hasivali I dont like to mingle with how Hashem runs the world . I am not going to open now a new forum But please believe me please when i tell you that a big part of that suffering is MAN MADE . Just take it from me , i am not going to start quoting you sources . You have not said what your wife and children have . They should have a speedy recovery . You dont have to add more suffering to the world. Aderaba work on yourself work on your philosophies about life that have brought you to where you are standing now. You have the ability to add recovery and joy to the world , it is in your hands . YES YOU CAN . Hashem is waiting like a loving Father for his lost son to come back home . If you do , Hashiva , Imagine the happiness and Nachas you will do to Ribono shel Olam . Hashiva i promise nothing i just wrote is a lie . It is all 100 % the Truth .

newaction wrote:


newaction, I don't know what it is about you, but your words speak to my heart. I have seen this numerous times. Thank you. I'm crying as I am reading what you wrote and responding to you. I don't know anything. I just know that your words speak to my heart. Thank you.

You know why you are crying i'll tell you why . Because when i finished writing i burst into tears. I am crying from my own post . Imagine the Chesed you just have done to me . I love you Hashiva.

belmont4175 wrote:


For a long time now, I don't remember exactly how long, I have davened for my refuah every single day(I think) at least once a day and often more. I am metzapeh lyeshuas hashem.
I also say sometimes in my prayers lama oshanta btfillas avdecha. Maybe hashem's yeshua for me is near through the chaverim here. I hope the yeshua is near.

newaction wrote:


This made me cry much more. Otherwise I'd have responded sooner. I don't know what you love about me. I don't see what there is to love at all. I believe that if I would exist I would love you too. The only thing that makes me think that maybe I exist is that I cry sometimes. My wife often tells me that she loves me. I can't understand that either. I wish I would be a person so that I can love too. The only feeling I know that I have is longing and despair. No, there's one more big one. Hope! Shattered to varying degrees at varying times, but hope none the less.

Oy hashiva you are a Neshama Tehora . You are a beloved , cherished son of Hashem .
He loves you so much but you can not to believe that . HASHEM LOVES YOU , YOU HAVE NO IDEA !!!! .
Besides, your wife told you she loves you ????????? WOW !!!! I am married for 27 1/2 years and my wife HAS NEVER TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME . EVEN when i tell her so many times that i love her she dismisses it as nonsense .
Since i came to GYE things are much much much better in my home . But to that madreiga i have not reached yet . THE day wife will say she loves me i will make a party . And you know what , Hashem is 100 % blameless for this . I did this to myself. BUt going back to you . You have one thing that i cherish and i dont have.
Nevertheless i am the happiest man in the world . Because i have achieved plenty in the home front . Be Chasdei Shamayim

Even if she doesn't say it, but ill say it for her and all the gye guys here that I love you!! You're a chizzuk and inspiration to me!