Hi guys,

My old forum is on this link: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/227843-Cant-break-free

I hate the name which I gave for it, it's so negative, and so not true!

If I would have made this forum last week then I would be incredibly amazed at myself because this time last week I was 150 days clean.
Unfortunately though, I took the first sip which eventually led to a fall.
Big shame. However I had a new revolutionary perspective with the help of Gaurd.

Gaurd replied to my email which said that I had fallen with:
Wow. You are doing super well. Hashem is very proud of you!

After the fact, we must look at the fall as what Hashem wanted to happen. Before the fall, it's all in our hands... Sounds funny, no? But that's what our holy sefarim say we must believe.

So now you must look at the fall as out of your hands completely. All you can deal with is the NOW.

Try and figure out what situation brought you to the fall. Set up better fences so it doesn't happen again. In this way, you will be uplifting the fall and turn it into a zechus!!

-

I didn't get down that I had fallen because everything is part of Hashem's plan right?!

I wrote this to myself:

I don't even feel like I have 'fallen' I feel this is part of Hashems plan and I reacted correctly. I didn't go on a fall more times. I just decided to move on and work on the areas which caused me to fall.

Now that I know I could turn it into a zechus I feel like I could consider all this part of Hashem saying he wants more than me.

-

However, I then fell again last night which did set me back a little.

After analysing the 2 falls it made me realise that I took the first sips thinking that after I take a first sip then I could control it afterwards. But no! The first sip made me go bonkers and eventually resulted in a fall.

So here I am, accepting that Hashem wants progress not perfection.
Accepting that I can't control the past, only now.
Ok, I have fallen down the rung of the ladder but my face is pointing upwards.

I am focusing on only worrying about what I can control which is NOW.
When an urge comes am I gonna act on it? No, I am gonna message my fellow GYEers. I am gonna take a deep breath. I am going to pray to Hashem! I am gonna remember that I don't NEED lust. It promises great things but in truth only brings sadness.

To conclude, if I focus on stopping the urge at conception then this should be a step towards recovery.
Who cares about how many days clean I am? That's so unimportant, leave that to Hashem. Only thing I have to worry about is the NOW.
N - NO
O - Other
W - Way

A few things....

milletry613
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

milletry613
I like it but don't worry, merely concentrate on NOW!

milletry613
LOVE IT! Keep breathing, prayer, remembering, smiling!

People with faith in Hashem wholeheartedly thank Hashem for their setbacks.

Hashem, Master of the World, beloved Father in Heaven, thank You for Your wonderful and personal intervention in my life. Thank You for showing me my shortcomings by letting me make a mistake. Thank You for arousing me to make a greater effort to get close to You. I wouldn't have experienced this effort if I hadn't experienced this setback.

Hi everyone,

Baruch Hashem on the whole everything is going really well.

Life is amazing.

Just checking in.

One step at a time.

I really found what you wrote encouraging..I have just started my own journey here and though I have fallen since as well this outlook has helped me move on and get better. Thanks for this post and keep us posted

Can someone explain a detailed difference between Lust and Love please?

Sorry I'm not here to answer you question. Just here to say that your first post on this topic make me feel really close to HKB"H, I think I'll keep it in my favorite chizuk post and I'll read it kind of often ! Amazing how someone can be so strong after a fall, even stronger than before. Thank you !

milletry613 wrote:
check out the dov quotes. I think he has a post or 2 on it.

Basically love is giving, lust is taking. Love is selfless, lust is selfish.

there is a post called lust vs. love or somethin' like that.

By the way, what's "lust"?

Hi
Thank you for the replies

I'm in a boys school but some people mix with girls, others don't.
I moved from the crowd who do the crowd who don't.
Big transition over last few years and has really changed me as a person.
Really grown. Baruch Hashem.

These guys are much more shtark etc....
However, i recently found out that some of these so called "frum boys" text/mix with girls privately without people knowing. And they claim to be frum on the outside, but in truth, no so much on the inside.

My question is, what are the reasons for not mixing with girls?
Not necessarily to do with this addiction.
But in general as to why it is better not to?

I need to clarify and make truthful (mesilas yesharim:P ) to myself that by staying strong and not mixing with girls is the right choice.
I do not mix with girls and am very happy about it. But there are sometimes when a things are not so clear. I don't know if I am explaining myself well?

I heard a Rabbi Wallerstien shiur on it which was amazing, but would like some other ideas please.

Thanks alot.

There is an issur of "lo sikrivu ligalos erva". Getting close to girls who are ervah to you is forbidden. There is a famous Rav Moshe teshuva where a boy asked if he can be friends with girls (without any negiah). I don't remember the details of the teshuva, but the answer was NO.

Thank you for the reply.

Any more suggestions please?

p.s. All going well.
Especially with exam revision. It's all about staying calm. Progress, not Perfection!
So I have loads of work... what do I do?
Break it down into small steps and focus on the one step in front of me. That is the ONLY thing i can control. Everything else is in Hashems hand.
Just do what I can NOW and everything will turn out fine.

milletry613 wrote:


I thought it was all about da bass, bout da bass, no treble.

Hi guys,

Just to update.

Today is 90 days since that fall earlier in this forum.

Been absolutely brilliant Baruch Hashem!!

I have so much Hakaras Hatov for eveything GYE does.
I am a different person. My life has changed immensely.

Everyday in my mind is one fresh new start- the past is in Hashems hands and He wanted it for the good.

The main mindsets that have got me here is that I have firmly realised that I am allergic to lust and that going anywhere near lust is way too much.

Also, I have got to the realisation that I can only control my next move in life. Never look at the whole mountain - just the next step.

I wish everyone an incredible Pesach!

Hi!

Today is 157 days clean.

I am owe debt on gratitude to what Guard Your Eyes has done to my life.

This time last year I was in the thick of my exam period, escaping from all my pressures, with lust. I prioritised my short term wants for the overall goal of my life.

Now one year later my whole attitude to life has changed. I am no longer acting like an animal who can never think of long term. An animal can only do what it desires next without thinking about consequences.

No way am I perfect, I have still got tonnes to do. I still make mistakes - of course I make mistakes. But, as long as we focus on making the right choices NOW then this is all that Hashem wants.

Of course life is hard. Very difficult. We all go through loads of challenges. But ultimately a struggle makes you stronger in the end. We are here to grow as people.

Life is only hard for the first 120 years. Then it gets dead easy!

I have nearly finished my exam period and of course it was tough but overall I have stayed calm and collective. How? Because I kept asking myself - what does it help to get pressured? Just do what needs to be done now and forget everything else!

Don't think that it's going to be easy! Of course there are good times and bad times. Never 'expect' things to run smoothly because it's just like a heart rate monitor- if it was going in a straight line - it means the person is dead!

All the best,

Military613