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A Poll - Your Biggest Concern
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TOPIC: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 19868 Views

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 28 Dec 2014 22:00 #245954

  • serenity
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I think that applies to me a lot. My cravings for human relationship, attention and affection combined with my inability to fulfill that need in a healthy way contributed to my addiction.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 28 Dec 2014 22:12 #245960

  • cordnoy
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Would you care to explain why it couldn't be fulfilled?
No pressure though.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 28 Dec 2014 22:15 #245961

  • newaction
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Yes , makes a lot of sense.Back in school age 13-14 everybody around me had girl friends. ( at that age it meant , sticking together , holding hands , etc ). I was not the out going type so i did not "picked up a girlfriend " . but that vacuum stayed with me . i yearned to have a "love" . So i guess thats where females gained so much reverence in my eyes ( of course among many other character defects ). Its kind of funny that "relationship addiction" . clicked something . Well today , i guess , we all have that child within us.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 28 Dec 2014 22:22 #245964

  • cordnoy
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Great!

And now it's time for you to take the poll.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 28 Dec 2014 22:36 #245967

  • newaction
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I just gave my vote . Eyes are the beginning and the end . when we are not watching with our physical eyes we are doing it with the eyes of our mind. ( but that relates to me . I can not talk for others ) . Wishing all GYE members refuat hanefesh ve refuat haguf.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 28 Dec 2014 23:04 #245968

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Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 29 Dec 2014 02:23 #245998

  • serenity
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Ah the question of the day! Maybe I'll have the answer after I finish my 4th step. I think I can partially answer it though. First and just to be clear, it was due to my own dysfunction and lack of knowledge or understanding as how to connect with people to get the attention I craved in a healthy way. ---- Wow Avrom, thanks for that! My mind just flash flooded with thoughts about how, over the years, I would seek attention in unhealthy ways and not just in connection with acting out in my sexual disease. I made trouble in school, had behavioral problems at home, etc. People would always say, "he's just trying to get attention", and that would really get me angry. I hated when people said that. I could see myself hitting someone or at least screaming at them for saying that about me. And low and behold 35 or so years later, I can begin to see how they were right, thanks to a caring person I have never met and don't know. The question is what came first or was learned first, my desire for attention or the negative attention that I was being given and the label. Whatever the case, I developed a pattern of engaging in attention seeking behaviors and perhaps that's how I came to relate to people. That behavior became manifest in my desire to connect with people physically, emotionally and eventually sexually. I would imagine there are several character traits involved, including feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, fear and/or compulsivity. Interesting that as about 10th grade I started to be behave at school and at home. I had reached a point where I learned how to garner positive attention and that was getting me farther. However that wasn't carried over to my addiction. Perhaps that is what I'm doing now. Learning to garner positive attention in addiction through my recovery. At least with the 12 step program, I will be able to analyze that and hopefully reach a spiritual recovery that will mend these deficiencies.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 06 Jan 2015 17:50 #246670

  • cordnoy
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cordnoy wrote:
Which of these bothers you the most?
Do any of those make your life unmanageable?
Can you live with any of them?
Are you addicted to any?

The Poll question, however, is simply: Which of these are you the 'most' worried about?

[It's also possible that the answer can change in time, based upon many factors.]

Thanks


Complacency is a killer as well, for let us say (hypothetically speakin') that one has an extended amount of time that he was clean and sober, he may say to himself (h"s'), "I can look on the street; it won't make much of a difference to me; what harm can come from that? it will not lead to anythin' catastrophic; is a bit of enjoyment in this world gonna ruin my life?" So then, when the question is posed: what ya' concerned about? the answer is more that I am worried about the end game; I don't wanna fall at the end. Livin' life is real nice, and I don't wanna suffer thru that Hell again!

so ya' know somethin' smarty-pants; if that's the truth as well, then continue on guard for all types of lust manifestation, for as Watson is want to say: Lust is lust; no matter how you slice it, so keep da hell away from me; actually tellin' the lust to go away might not be such a fantastic idea (and the good Doc would never have said it that way); but rather, work on myself that I don't feel the need or desire to indulge in life's fantasy land.

b'hatzlachah to all!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 06 Jan 2015 19:35 #246673

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My biggest concern is thinking about tomorrow. I have to focus on today and, yes, not let any lust in. My second biggest concern is going to
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
. Not sure why going there always gets to me.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 06 Jan 2015 20:32 #246681

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simple!
because you think you deserve only second class wholesale stuff
when going forward gets tough, its merely a sign that you are going uphill, just give more gas
put your sobriety first; before your wife, before your kids, before your avodas HaTorah (except for the 3 that are יעבור ואל יהרג) Without sobriety you won't have any of those things!

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 06 Jul 2015 01:13 #258748

  • cordnoy
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What goes on in my head really concerns me the most.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 06 Jul 2015 01:29 #258750

  • serenity
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Looking at my previous answer, the first part is still true. The Costco part, not such a problem anymore.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 12 Jul 2015 05:46 #259275

  • cordnoy
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cordnoy wrote:
What goes on in my head really concerns me the most.


As # 3 had only one vote, I changed it to somethin' that worries me the most (if I'd be worried; I'm not, for either I am focused on right now, or I'm fantasizin', and in that case, i'm not worried), so with that bein' said, i changed my vote.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 01 Oct 2015 01:09 #264915

  • cordnoy
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cordnoy wrote:
cordnoy wrote:
What goes on in my head really concerns me the most.


As # 3 had only one vote, I changed it to somethin' that worries me the most (if I'd be worried; I'm not, for either I am focused on right now, or I'm fantasizin', and in that case, i'm not worried), so with that bein' said, i changed my vote.


two and a half months later, but it's still the damn head that bothers me the most.

Thank God you people don't have the hard drive that I've got in my head!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A Poll - Your Biggest Concern 01 Oct 2015 01:23 #264917

  • Bigmoish
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It took a while, but you finally convinced me to change my vote.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!
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