serenity wrote:


Every Yaakov that I know is rigorously honest- even to a fault.

Ever since you came on board I look forward to your refreshingly honest and insightful posts.

I relate so much to your experience! Thank you for sharing.

[color=#0000ff wrote:


Yiraishamaim, Thank you for your comment which appears above on Orange. I hadn't had a chance to respond until now.

1) Thank you very much!
2) yes that's true and it's important for me to recognize that, so thank you.
3) I vaguely remember saying that I'm fearful of sobriety. It's flattering that you are more more familiar with what I've said than I am! . I'm working on my fears through the 12 steps. I guess fear is fairly common as a character defect, especially among addicts. (Theer is obviously a positive side fear, which I'm not talking about here.)

Hatzlacha!

I went to an SA meeting tonight. Part of this meeting is to introduce yourself and state the ways in which you act out. It can seem to get perfunctory at times. Also one can can use words that while true, may make the description not so bad. Personally at this stage of my recovery, at least with my most difficult issues, I need to be very specific in describing my behavior. I don't mean specific in a lewd way either. I can rattle of my MO's no problem, but to describe the behavior is shameful and lets me know how sick I can be. As a generic example, someone can I was motzei zera, or someone can say I chronically masturbate. Or someone can say "after giving someone mussar in shul about talking during davening, I go into the bathroom behind the beis-medrash and fantasize about being with the Rosh Yeshivas daughter, who I stalk on Facebook. See the difference?

Hatzlacha!

FYI -when you wrote you are fearful of sobriety it gave me a shtoch(hmm I haven't heard that word for a while)
How is serenity going to be sober long term if he is scared of sobriety itself?. Won't he sabotage his own sobriety and then come up with some lame excuse/reason for a fall because he is fearful to stay sober???
This thought has been bothering me ever since.

I pray I am misunderstanding you in a major way.

Do you remember where I said it, so I can see the context? I probably meant that I fear the responsibility that comes with sobriety, maybe.

sorry. can't find it.

I am falling away - better get some shut eye

Good night birthday boy:cheer:

I just wanted to paste a comment I made on another thread. I think it's very important and expresses an idea that is very relevant and sometimes hard for me to put into words that people can understand. I believe it goes to the heart of a misconception here and speaks to the common confusion on this site as to the definition of an addict. Please feel to disagree or discuss futher. Ty.

"Thank you for sharing your experience! I can relate.

I'm just wondering if it was actually lust you were experiencing. I think desire and lust tend to get mixed up around here at times. To have desires and even strong ones are natural. Lust is when we use the things that would normally fulfill our healthy desires in an unhealthy manner or for an unhealthy purpose. An example of an unhealthy purpose is to deal with stress, depression, hardship etc. An example of an unhealthy manner, is do to things that interfere with our life or damage us.

Hatzlacha!"

Happy birthday!
many more iy"H.

Bracha ViHatslacha to everyone on GYE! Hashem should bless each and everyone one of us with life, health, renewal, peace, rest, serenity, courage, wisdom, victory, loftiness, parnasa, and rigorous honesty. May Hashem reveal what His Will is for us and give us the strength to carry it out. May we see only the good in all people; Hashem's children who created in His image. To take a bit from what Dov was writing about today, God's other children, whether they were blessed to to be a part of Bnai Yisroel or not have a special purpose and meaning to their life. Just as we struggle to do God's Will, and everyone here knows that we struggle in ways that we are terribly ashamed of, so do other people suffer and can only hope to one day merit to carry out their purpose. Other people are not here for us to objectify, judge, demean, use, abuse or lust after. If we can't at a minimum appreciate them and daven for their well being, then we have nothing to do with them. And until we stop objectifying people, we will never find recovery. And that is my biggest bracha for us all, May Hashem remove our character defects and lead us on the road to recovery now!

Good Shabboss!

DAILY REFLECTIONS

JUNE 1st

A CHANGED OUTLOOK

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

When I was drinking, my attitude was totally selfish, totally self-centered; my pleasure and my comfort came first. Now that I am sober, self-seeking has started to slip away. My whole attitude toward life and other people is changing. For me, the first "A" in our name stands for attitude. My attitude is changed by the second "A" in our name, which stands for action. By working the Steps, attending meetings, and carrying the message, I can be restored to sanity. Action is the magic word! With a positive, helpful attitude and regular A.A. action, I can stay sober and help others to achieve sobriety. My attitude now is that I am willing to go to any length to stay sober!

From the book Daily Reflections
© Copyright 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

For many of us, If we put half the effort into recovery as we did into lusting, we will not fail. Just half the effort. Half, chevra!

If you could have one wish for your self what would it be?

To be zoche to be mindful and stay on my toes, and use all the knowledge and experience that I have to do my enlightened self-interest.

serenity wrote:

Sadly, you would have to be careful what mood you caught me in when asking that question cos my answer wouldn't always be good..

If I had one wish it would be, Shivti B'veis Hashem Kol yemei Chayai etc.
I would love to have the parnosa that would allow me to spend my days learning in the bais medrash, surrounded by HKB"H's cocoon of torah, holiness, happiness and protection.
I want to chazer Yorah Deah and learn all of Shas with Chazarah so I will know and retain it. I would want to learn all chumash with all the rishonim, and I would love to master Navi.
FOR STARTERS!

But I know that HKB"H has decided that this would not be in my best interests. He knows that to keep me out of trouble, he must keep me under pressure of parnossa so that I am too busy to get into too much trouble and that I am constantly crying to him for help in parnossa so that I don't forget him.