Reb Serenity,
How your post and all the responses have put a chill up my back and a bit of fear and panic in my heart. I am also on a bit of a crest and I am so afraid of the next wave of lust. I know how much I desire all the things that will ruin my life even though I have stopped...for today. I am even fantasizing about what delicious things your friend did to lose his family. I beg the RBS"O all day to keep me safe. I also am committed to go to the Wednesday night SA meeting. My mind has been telling me all morning that I really don't need it and I will be OK with my friends on GYE but truth is, without a real in person sponsor AND regular meetings I don't think I will succeed. How do I know? because it hasn't worked up until now. I am so afraid of a new fall. I really hope I am able to get myself to a meeting and not find a new deeper bottom to my addiction.

I think that we are overly fixated with our sobriety streak - and I'd posit that the fear of falling derives from it.
And this is the crux of the issue: We care more about the good feeling of being clean than growing as human beings.
Gd however wants us to grow. So if we are cruising we might get a rude awakening. If falling out and doing some swimming is what we need I suspect Gd will rock that boat!
This brings us to question #1: Does Gd want us to fall and then fight specific battles all over again (Baal hassulam quoted in GYE emails said this by the way) or is not falling the challenge, victory and growth that He wants.
More relevantly, question #2: What strategy can we employ so that it should be the latter rather than the former?
That's the question us guys NEED answered.

shlomo613

I don't see how we could possibly say that "G-D wants us to fall so we could fight the battles again." The battles may need to be repeated, but if we don't fall then G-D will just give them to us on level 2!

Everyone has been talking recently about "lust surges". The way that I look at it (if anybody cares ) is, (assuming that they were not caused by our own doing) We all know that we have done horrible things. We know and G-D knows. Today (or whenever we first came to GYE), we are feeling inspired. We commit ourselves to changing, but all it is at this point is a commitment. Hashem is going to give it a test, to see is our resolve real - or weak. At some point after our commitment, we can expect to receive a surprise quiz. Now, Hashem is our father and ultimate guidance counselor, He will give the test(s) in a way that will help us. We might fall on that test, in which case out job is to clean ourselves up, make a new resolve, and wait for the next test. As long as we are still in the school of life, we can keep on taking the retest. Of course we would rather pass the test sooner then later so we can go on to the next grade.
Hope we all make the grade.
SG

I like it! Any other offers?

My son is going to yeshiva next year.  He did all the planning on his own, which I think is important. We are making the financial aid application, so I hope that works out.

That's great. As the saying goes "He who pays his own way through collage, will not fail" Well not paying exactly, but if he arranged it, it helps him to succeed.
(maybe he'll meet that anti lubavitch rebbe that you had to turn him onto to it )

As we hit the sfira of yesod shebiyesod - this great one for us - I wonder whether anyone has any special thoughts to share.
There is something I would like to: We talk about simcha shel mitzvah; I'm told that the arizal said that his madreigos came because of simcha shel mitzvah.
When a pretty woman passes and we don't look do we wince and burn up inside? Maybe we ought to be happy we've been given this tough challenge. We're achieving so much. How blessed we are.
I hope we can maye also take this opportunity to be mechazek and maybe daven for each other that we should be zoche to stay clean till ahavuos. I know the date is arbitrary, and what happens after - but still...?

Did I tell that story?

shlomo613 - I like the idea of rejoicing over a mitzva instead of frustration over not indulging in something we have really no shaychos to, no business with, and was there only to tempt/test us in the first place.
As far as the Arizal is concerned the mishna berurah says what you just mentioned when discussing the halachos of simchos torah.

Exactly, when we focus on not indulging in something, we are engaging with it and giving it power.

Ty Chaver

1) Are you willing to admit you are powerless over lust and sexual acting out, just
for today? Yes


2) Do you desire sobriety for the next 24 hours: freedom from sexual obsession
and acting out, freedom from fear, resentment, shame, and isolation? Yes

3) Are you willing to do whatever is necessary to protect this desire including
spiritual reading, reaching out and calling others, prayer and meditation, physical
care of your body, setting appropriate boundaries, and refusing all lust hits as
toxic? Yes

4) Just for today, do we commit to God and this group that we do not have to
have sex with ourselves or anyone else (except a spouse) no matter what,
realizing that at the end of this 24 hours we are free to continue with sobriety or
go another way? Yes

5) Do you understand that this renewal does not keep you sober (God does), but
it does make you aware of yourself and accountable to others?

Yes

6) And, just for today, are you willing with me to hand over your will and the care
of your life to the One Who kept you sober yesterday and has protected you from
the full consequences of your lust in the past? I'll join you in that.

7) Have you done anything in the last 24 hours that you’re ashamed of? Yes

8 Are we aware of anything in our plans for the next 24 hours of which we might
become ashamed? Any danger zones, slippery spots on the horizon, or hidden
bottles we should bring to the light? Nope

I'm grateful to have a loving and giving wife, who also happens to be a good cook

* Taken from the SA newsletter The Essay

What did you do yesterday that you're ashamed of, or should I not be asking?
All the best.
Shlomo

Nothing that bears repeating here.

SA White Boom Page 193

"What we strive toward is not only the negative sobriety
of not acting out our sexaholism, but progressive victory over
the obsession in the looking and thinking. We also strive
toward the positive sobriety of acting out true union of
persons. The great blessing (or curse, as the case may be) of
our condition is that unless and until we can give
unconditionally and relate with others, the vacuum left inside
us from withdrawal will never be filled. All along, we had
thought we could make the Connection by taking; we see now
that we get it by giving."