Hello I am new to the forum GYE. Just because I'm desperate for my addiction.
I read for one year hizouk mails. But I never dared to take the step of steps; I live in Europe, and there is little support group and as the USA and Israel.
I thought it get better a few months ago; I have a very strong addiction, which led me in the worst falls, I will not detail. But there was worse and who almost broke my marriage.
A Rosh Hashanah last, I thought I was on the right path; a real fight, setting up filters, confessed to my wife; I chutais regularly in terms of masturbation and sometimes porn support, but had stopped the worst. However, the urge came back stronger, and giving step by step through what I thought to be less serious, I relapsed completely. And I'm desperate.
I am not religious. Every time I tried to be more this exacerbated my addiction. But I have faith. I do not know what is my place in life, my goal ... I'm confused.
Sorry for the errors of translation is the google translation ...
I need your experience and your help, dear friends.

WELCOME!!!!!!!!

Not sure what language you speak, but GYE may have a forum for it!

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yossef5775 wrote:


This is not surprising. What I know from myself and the many frum addicts I've had the pleasure to be in contact with is that fumkeit doesn't work for us. In an ideal world it would and in theory it should but we need to deal with the reality we have in front of us today.

SA is a spiritual program, not a religious one. I do believe that a greater level of frumkeit can come out of working the program, it's almost a certainty, but most of us addicts need something in place first. So don't feel bad for putting your recovery first, it has to be.

If you're interested in SA, (SA is not for everyone, but if you think it's for you) please message me with your location. I have contacts in Europe as well and I might be able to put you in touch.

There are also phone and online conferences for SA, as well as phone conferences in GYE:
guardyoureyes.com/tools/calls

Please keep on posting as well, we're glad to have you here to give us all chizzuk

Hello my fried!

Let me tell you something, certainly this is not only a problem for religious people.

I consider myself religious, but after falling into porn, it putted doubts in my mind. Certainly it show to me that all of us man, woman,religious or not, all of us are humans and all of us have mistakes...

It was a very good step to talk about it with your wife. I'm single, and I was urged with wrong desires, but I remembered an biblical advice: "if you are on fire with passion it is better for you to be married". So I talked with a girl for start as boyfriend and girlfriend. But I talked with she... I didn't told her all the matter, I asked her for time, for recover my situation, she agreed to wait since (now I know) she loved me. (real love, no sex). And now she knows about my problem with porn, I'm receiving help whit my spiritual advisers, and I have not won the battle, but I'm on it.

Your situation is different, try to get again the trust of your wife. I think that she feels betrayed, may be she is worried for the fact that you feel better seen a video or picture rather than seen she. She wants to be the one. Show to her that you loves her. Do not force her.

May be I'm not a good adviser since I'm not married. But you love your wife. Do not let her go. I know you love her, for that reason you confessed.

try to follow the advice from GYE site, follow the 12 program, Install filters on your computer and telephone, tell your wife, ask her for help, she must have the password for the filter, she must know you want and will change. If she does not see it, she will feel upset.

And please, try to consider to be religious, and to be near of God, then you will change not only for your wife, you will also change for pleased God...

in any case, take whatever is good for you.

Remember what you have lost, do not let it go!

do not go to the above site!
this is a jewish site; please respect that.
find somewhere else to spew your religion.
it is not welcome here!

thank you

yossef5775 wrote:


You're either sober or you're not.

As an addict, I cannot dabble in lust. Not even a little peek at a woman on the street. Not even a fantasy. Because once I start, there's no bottom to the pit of lust-seeking I will once again be thrown into.

Extreme shmiras eynayim (guarding of the eyes) and guarding of the mind against lustful images and fantasies will go a long way toward kick-starting your recovery.

There's more to recovering than that, but it's a really good start.

Good luck!

i don't understand, cornoy, it's for me you tell that ? What have I Say?

i'm just searching for help...

yossef5775 wrote:


Yosef; you are fine.

One of the fellows above posted a link to a missionary site. It has since been removed by the moderators.

You are good; keep on shteigin'.

b'hatzlachah

i prefer that... this is my guilty feeling!
Today i had a fall, again; I hope this is the last one.
I made Tapshic method; and i praid 30 mn in the dark, alone, and i feel that is a good thing for me, to have time for me.
thanks for your help

Taphsic will only work if you target the thing that starts the process of a fall. So you vow to do "X" every time you look at a woman in a lustful way, or every time you pick up a mainstream magazine, or every time you look at a television screen, or every time you entertain a fantasy.

Not every time you look at porn or masturbate. That's way too late.

Please don't say you will never fall agian! We don't need to work on "never again," only Today! Just concentrate on today. Also don't be too hard on yourself! just move on!

Are doing any reaching out besides the forum?

it's what I understand: not to think to future but only today
I try to do that
And really to connect to my Creator
I called yesterday someone in France who tries to create a SA group, with physical meeting; I want to go and see that
thanks ang hag sameah

from a big setback last Wednesday, I thought finally go into a period of sobriety. But since Kippur it was very hard: I was assailed with anguish, and I resisted, resisted, but tonight the tension was too strong.
I do not understand the concept of "letting go"; I'm trying, I pray, I try to connect to Hashem, I call it, I cry, but I'm still on. I say I let go, but I do not think get to do. I do not know how. I feel, moreover, after the fall, the tension abated. And that is what is terrible: my yetzer Ara told me "you know, you feel better after, stop trying to stop, be in control" .... Now I know I can not control anything; I have unfortunately experienced drastic falls.
My question is: how to let go?