Shalom Aleichem everybody!

I've been visiting the site for some time now and have gained from it alot! I am so impressed with the achdus that is created from this site!
I understood that it was recommended to share your story with the oilam, so without further ado, here's my story:

In 8th grade, a classmate explained to me about mstrbt, and after trying it, i got hooked. i didn't realize the seriouness of it, although it didn't seem like the right thing. I would hide advertisements that came in the mail in the bathroom and use them. I also stumbled upon "romance" novels and would hide and use them as well. I went to yeshiva, and b"h i was a serious and dedicated bachor, and met the right friends (all incredible siyata dishmaya) and really grew. But all that time i couldn't stop acting out- even when learning the seriousness of it. And during bein hazmanim, i had figured out my fathers password to unblock the internet, and my kabbalos of yom kippur wouldn't even last till succos. and the same would happen every off shabbos and bein hazmanim. this continued until i was about 19 yrs. old with my longest streak being a few weeks during elul. Alone and frustrated with myself, I had an inspiration to write a letter to a Gadol and he replied with a bracha, and maybe from his bracha that i finally had the courage to speak to a rebbi of mine about my acting out (not what the triggers were). Be"h he suggested a method similar to Taphsic, and it helped - i fell once badly and had to embarass myself REALLY badly (as the knas), and after that we modified the kabalah and i stopped for a long time (maybe a few years). I married relatively young, but a while into my marriage there was some hole in my internet filter (and it could be was after a baby) and i fell. I felt very down. Since then in last about 7 years, i installed a filter/reporting software [the reporting software is a really good deterent] and i was doing pretty good, staying away from the triggers, with a lot of siyata dishmaya. I did fall a few times - always because of some glich in my filter that i exploited .
Recently, however, my situation changed - i moved, and now although my filter is pretty good, i am around other not blocked computers, and i'm having big nisyonos on some days and i fell pretty bad. i realize that i really need a big chizuk to keep strong, and so i'm trying to tap in to GYE.
Thanks for reading and tizku l'mitzvos!
may Hashem give us the ability to beat this nisayon, and be able to serve Him properly!

Welcome!
Has anything in particular helped you in the past (other than a filter)?

Keep in touch

Welcome,

Did/does it feel good that you opened up somewhat?
that feelin' gets even better when you do it in a real way.

Meanwhile, post away; the chevra here is a swell bunch.

b'hatzlachah

WELCOME! Thanks for sharing. The best way to avoid finding holes in the filter is not to look for them . Do you think you would be fine if you didn't have these "opportunities"? Do you spend time planning and hoping for "opportunities".

I am just wondering if it is simply temptation when an opportunity presents itself, or are you looking and hoping for it even when not available. Is it an obsession, or just a "yetzer hara"?

There are tools for everyone. Have you read the handbook? I have a link in my signature.

thanks for sharing,
it seems that you really understand the necessity for barriers between us and....the other us.
together with all the filtering, you may want to dig into yourself, and find out if acting out is a reaction to other things that you are perceiving as bringing you down, such as anger/depression/resentment etc... some people act out for "renumeration" for the bad feelings they get in life.

Aleichem shalom!! (I Want To Grow Bisiyata Dishmaya? ??)

Sounds tough.

Hang in there. Keep expressing yourself. With lots of siyata dishmaya you will see lots of grows.

Asach hatzlacha!

WELCOME!!!! ITS GREAT TO HAVE YOU!!!!!


Check out: Skep's tips

Hi iwtgbsd,

(How do you pronounce that?)

My name is Eli (short for Elul). Welcome to the club. Make yourself comfortable.

Do you find that it is harder to deal with the nisyonos on some days more than other?

for sure its harder on some days. Some times i can have the same access to the nisayon as others and it won't even cross my mind, and on other days... b"h not to recently, but i'm nervous of when it'll just pop up again

there are definelty times when i go looking for "opportunities".

I've already downloaded the handbook just i haven't been so succesful at reading it yet: it's hard for me to read books on the computer (kosher ones at least), and also only when nonones looking

dear iwtgbsd. (i want to get better some day).

keep on posting

Hi and Welcome!

Maybe you should change your name to iwtbbt (I want to be better today). After all, today is all we have today.

Hatzlacha!

ineedchizuk wrote:

lavi

Gevura Shebyesod

Well, which is it? Personally I thought it was like ineedchizuk, judging from the title of the thread.

I thought so too, but I couldn't resist

and here I thought he was the administrator of the
Institute for
Women
Thinkers of the
Graduate
Bible
Study and
Dance