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TOPIC: Marriage 19092 Views

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 01:08 #237692

  • cordnoy
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Although I haven't told my wife, she knows that I have an abundance of testosterone.
She appreciates that I have accepted this fact and that I am working on it.
She respects me for that.
She does not seem to wanna about all the specifics.
there are many people on this site who are in recovery stage and their wives knew and know their issues, and yet, they lead a very harmonious marriage; some even say that their marriage has never been better.

So you can wallow in your pain and belief if you'd like, but recovery has a way of healin' many things, and I suspect that true recovery will help your marriage immensely.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 01:15 #237693

  • newaction
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Amen cordnoy i hope that day comes soon. because my marriage almost ended this year

and now is kind of "lingering" .

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 01:27 #237694

  • cordnoy
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'That day' will not come soon thru 'hope.'
It will come thru action.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 01:32 #237695

  • newaction
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yes i agree i am doing action i just hope it is not toolate

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 05:27 #237700

  • cordnoy
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If you're alive...it ain't too late.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 22:22 #237727

  • newaction
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Yes alive is good . i feel i am gradually changing for the better . i am afraid

it is too late to save my marriage

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 22:45 #237729

  • cordnoy
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Why should you think like that?
Please explain, so the others here can show you how their marriage improved after recovery.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 23:04 #237731

  • newaction
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since early childhood i had a tendency to look at women. during the years masturbation came along . i got married but the problem did not stop ( as i have already read by so
many personal stories ) there were times that i was hooked to pornography but were sporadic. Nevertheless even i my age ( i was born in the 60's ) i found myself recurring to masturbation. where i grew up the philosophy was that sex is the sublime thing on earth . B"H i never had relations other than with my wife that kind of philosophy accompanied me all the time . i am an Avrech sometimes a rabbi but the thirst for lust is my companion. My wife picked up on that , first of all like all addicted it looks that i lost contact with reality , was depressed a lot and non-motivated. my wife doesnt have much respect for me . but in an argument with her she told me that i raped her for the duration of our marriage ( a couple of decades ) i said what !!! how could that be ?!.
After reading some of the material in GYE i came to better understand first of all that i am addicted and second that it can make me selfish and self centered. now my situation is that i dont have Shlom Bayit. My main addiction is looking at woman . and thinking about them and having relations . I got myself enrolled in the 90 day chart not necesarily for porn or masturbation ( even though i am not disconnected from them) but from looking at women. B"H i am starting to see results. To know that i was addicted to both , looking and doing , was an eye opener, i know now that i have a sickness to take care of .

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 23:11 #237732

  • cordnoy
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Thanks for the share...and we do understand the 'rape' concept. but why do you think the marriage is over? Focus on recovery and pleasin' her. That should be your goal. You cannot change her, but you can change yourself.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 23:16 #237733

  • newaction
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I didnt say is over but there was some damage done and she is not neither forgiving nor forgetting . She is complicated. i had also anger management issues . so i am hoping
for the best. Of course doing also . Step 3 of the 12 AA steps is fabulous . Its so essential . i think all human strife and divisions are rooted in step 3. and of course all addictions .

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 23:23 #237734

  • newaction
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thank you for your encouragement , 9494 , i appreciate that .

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 23:25 #237735

  • gibbor120
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Stay recovery focused and take recovery actions. Selflessly focus on your wife's needs, and you may be surprised by the results. Be patient. Work on yourself. Expect nothing in return.

Re: Marriage 22 Aug 2014 11:42 #237756

  • lavi
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new action.
i think that it is wow, that you are taking these steps,
looking to hear about what steps works for you, so we all can get chizzuk.
i love you all

Re: Marriage 22 Aug 2014 23:26 #237766

  • TehillimZugger
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Baruch Hashem there is a place like GYE where people like myself and newaction can learn to work on ourselves and become mentchen!
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Marriage 23 Aug 2014 21:48 #237772

  • newaction
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9494 do you live in israel ?
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