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TOPIC: Marriage 14990 Views

Marriage 14 Aug 2014 00:28 #237373

  • newaction
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I wonder if this addiction causes strain to your marriage or shalom bayit problems

even if your wife didnt find out

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 00:59 #237377

  • cordnoy
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you wonder?

it sure does; in many ways.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 08:55 #237399

  • newaction
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in what ways ?

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 12:23 #237402

  • dd
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many different ways depends on the couple but for sure does mess things up to some level by every addict or not even an addict just someone acting out,

if a guy isn't living real life how could he have a real marriage when the whole idea of marriage is living life together with someone else and sharing etc.

we don't always realize how this addiction is really killing us on so many different levels in life , but after being clean for some time we can start to look back and see how out of touch we are when we give in to our problem,

kol tuv and KUTGW!!!

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 14:02 #237406

  • newaction
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dd thank you for the insight an addict "isn't living a real life"
how true i didn't realize that. that is probably why my wife doesn't love me, i guess.

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 14:55 #237408

  • MBJ
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most people come to GYE thinking that they are two separate problems, then if they stick around they realize just how inextricably intertwined they are.
My Story
Only when we make our real lives sweeter than our fantasies will we reap the emotional rewards, the happiness of recovery. - AlexEliezer
Focus on making the right choices as they come up. - Skeptical
When I start to literally accept G-d's Will as guiding my life today, things start to change. - Dov

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 15:54 #237415

  • lavi
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in my humble opinion,
it is a kind of stealing,
because the wife doesn't get the attention she needs,
kinda like "emotion adultery"
i love you all

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 19:39 #237432

  • newaction
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Yes i can see that thank you

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 20:51 #237444

  • cordnoy
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One does not focus on the wife.
Lust takes over one's life.
The kids are second or third fiddle.
The bedroom is an x-rated stage or screen.
the wife is an actress.
Intimacy is all about me/us.
If the addiction involves other women or multiple women, the wife places second or third...all the time.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 22:44 #237458

  • newaction
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thank you for your reply cordnoy.my addiction is looking women not porn .
but looking makes you do bad things and i could fall for porn. Hashem saved me from being involved with other women .

Re: Marriage 14 Aug 2014 23:42 #237461

  • cordnoy
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Substitute in my post
street for screen or stage
the rest remains the same

was it my imagination /thoughts, or was the street worse today than yesterday?
sheesh....
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 15 Aug 2014 01:17 #237469

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME! It definitely causese marriage problems. Read the shalom bayis thread (there's a link in my signature) for an extreme case, but the balabayis section is full of stories from people who's marriage dramatically improved when they stopped acting out.

Acting out is about lust. Lust is selfish. Selfishness destroyes marriages.

Hang around. You'll learn a lot.

I know I did.
Last Edit: 15 Aug 2014 01:25 by gibbor120.

Re: Marriage 20 Aug 2014 23:50 #237686

  • newaction
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got it ! thank you , gibbor

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 00:33 #237687

  • cordnoy
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oh...and by the way....'not lustin' is a catalyst for a healthy productive marriage....just sayin'....

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 21 Aug 2014 00:51 #237689

  • newaction
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Yes now i see it more clearly , i definitely agree with that.

even if she doesnt exactly know my addictions , she has lost all respect for me

i am in the greatest of pains and dont know what to do. she believes i used her all along

its a very sad story.
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