pomodoro just wanted to know how are you doing ? this is newaction here.

It is logical: Summertime, swiming-pool, scantily clad girls...
All of this is a ticking-time bomb.
Because of this, a new trigger went out to me, but then I rightly thought:
"Even if I had all these women, in whatever state of undress I want, how miserable I would be if I wasn't able even to approach them in a friendly and well-behaved way".
So, what really matters is to gain a state in which you can behave yourself in a quiet and peaceful-minded way that would only be really obtained by withdrawing from all kinds of lust thoughts and lust interpretations of things and situations.
It is more "real" to view girls under an "approachable" way than viewing them under a lust and sicky way, which only makes us to withdraw away from them.
It is a fact, as they, girls, are of course an important part of our existence, but they must always be for good, not disregarding them or us with lust.

newaction, hopefully I am doing well these days.
Thank you.

WOWOWOWOWOOWOWOW!!!! That is incredible!!! It seems you are doing amazing.

I also find taking it calmly and gently helpful and one girl at a time! One moment at a time. One day at time! That's all we need to concentrate on.

KOT!!!!

promodoro, what are you doing at the pool?

Well it is good you have the willingness to do something about lust . isn't better to stay away from triggers . looking at girls is . . . looking at girls . the view point or reason or whatever the reasoning you are still looking at a trigger . unless you are a gynecologist . But you say you are doing well ... so that is interesting how do you mange to do that ?

dms1234 wrote:


I must've missed somethin' in what Pomodoro was sayin'.
At the pool with scantily dressed women thinkin' of those that are dressed is a recipe for disaster in the makin'.

Yes, his endin' was pretty positive and forward thinkin', but perhaps the action should be on the same par.

Wishin' you much hatzlachah

I agree, i guess i missed that. I just thought he meant the woman were at the pool and well whatever.

In any event, I agree with your approach though your location probably wasn't ideal

Dms1234, you say that my location at the pool wasn't the most appropriate, but it wasn't something that I was searching for. I was there enjoying a bathing day with my family, and luckily everything went well.
I am beginning, only beginning, to control my mind and my thoughts for good.
About time! after 10-12 years out of control.
This is something that fortunately I make now more easily and more frecuently.
I guess, two factors have contributed to it.
1.-Weariness; I am completely fed up.
2.-Disillusion of lust process. I explain; when we give in to the pressure of lust urges, our main hope at that moment is to expect that our unrest and disconfort will dissapear after carrying out our lust actions. We think that it will tame the "wild beast" we carry inside.
Nothing can be futher from the truth. Lust triggers more lust, a new achivement or view of a new lust image, video or something, triggers a new search for a new one. There is nothing that can calm you. Lust is like an "angry monster" that devours everything. By carrying out it, far from calm yourself, it pours a barrage of new lust thoughts and lust urges that get your mind insane again.
Consequently, I've come to the realization that carrying out my lust desires doesn't imply the softening of my mental disconfort.
We must learn and accept that lust thoughts are an inner part of ourselves as human beings and sometimes we must live along with them, without doing anything on this regard. Trust me, we can get along with them. Don't worry, nothing must be done (that is like ignoring and disregarding them).
Completely other thing is to make them a reality by the realisation of them.
It is hard to live with our lust thoughts inside.
It is harder to live with urges needing to be carried out.
But it is the hardest thing to give in to those urges knowing that no reward will be expected from them.
That is my understanding, and that makes me cope with my hard lust situations the better.

very nice and helpfull post Pomodoro!!

you reminded me of what i once heard from a rebbi on the first day of the zman, he told the boys i'm not saying its easy to learn the whole zman it can get really hard sometimes but as hard as it gets doesn't come close to the hardships the guy who doesn't learn has to go through,

seems to be the same idea you are saying lust can be hard to live with but giving into lust is even harder,

KOMT!!!

Many thanks, dd, for reading my post.
I am happy it was helpful to you.
I want to add some new things:
Throughout so many years with my struggle, I´ve learnt that entering to pornography and lastful desires is not a matter of your own election, it is not "your choice", you are not there because your own choice.
On the contrary, a lot of factors have impelled you to draw to it.
Consequently, any therapy led to "make choices", is bound, in my humble oppinion, for failure.
It is better to base it on KNOWLEDGE and understanding. After those, your own choices will follow through naturally.
You get knowledge throughout experience and trust in others' experience.
You get understanding throughout assimilation and interiosation of ideas and knowledge.
Having said that, I would like to mention some other aspects:
Pornography and lust desires only have to ways:
Either you are IN.
Or you are OUT.
It is not a matter of choices. Either you are in, or otherwise you are out.
Everyone here knows perfectly what is "in" (failure, major mishaps, lifelong anguish, etc.).
But being "out", does anyone know what it means?
I am sure everyone of us here have gone through some periods in which we have been out, but anyone of us have stopped and thought what sensations and perceptions were we experiencing?
We, as sufferers, know exactly how to get ourselves easily in our role of "sufferers" as we are already in it.
Nevertheless, when we are "out", nothing special comes to our minds, the feeling of well-being goes unnoticed by our thoughts, perceptions and inner sense.
It is therefore important to teach our own mind not disregard those inner good sensations, good feelings, good perceptions and good thoughts which we experience when we are away from porn, because, be sure of it, when you have all those, you are OUT.
This is something we mustn't -mustn't- ignore or overlook. Never!
We all have the right to our own well-being, and our well-being at that moment is taking place. We must train our mind to perceive those little bits and be aware of these positive mindframes. And even "to love" them.
They are the sign of God and goodness, and consequently we mustn't disregard them.
Well, that must always be done. Only to take into account these good states. Being aware of them. Being sure that your mind and God will do the rest.
Well, until now I have spoken about "in" and about "out", and that there isn't any matter of choices, but there is something that really can make us be "in" or "out".
It is one of the enemies of human condition. It is called SEXUAL PLEASURE. It takes many forms, not only pornography, but it always is headed by sexual desires and lust. It entices our minds by saying us that he is "right", but regrettably he is not.
To the extent we are able to destroy, eliminate, eradicate this search for sexual pleasure, we indeed will be free. We finally will be OUT. We finally will be able to live our lives. We will be able to live in the brotherhood of HASHEM. To live according to the goal he has for us.
We, sex-alcoholics, live our lifes for and by sexual pleasure (and you can see the result).
Sexual pleasure leads our lust actions and desires.
By the extent we are able to turn our backs to sexual pleasure, strongly and with conviction, we will be able to find our real way.
Think about that, the search for sexual pleasure is lust itself.
Lust is nothing else but it. It is merely the search for sexual pleasure.
It provokes in us a "high" state. This "high" is sexual pleasure.
One point must remain cristal-clear for us:
Every time sexual pleasure comes to our mind, from that very instant, we are IN.
Be sure of it. You are IN. Is that something we should want to maintain?
Sexual pleasure gets you IN, always! Well-being and normal life gets you OUT.
Falling into the complacency is IN. Normallity is OUT.
One last thing:
People get used to ask for many things to Hashem.
There is one main thing that we should ask for:
"HASHEM, break me free of all the deceives of sexual pleasure. It is one of my imperfections".
Once it is done, whatever else will be obtained afterwards by means of G'd.

I dont see how sexual pleasure is so bad. husband and wife derive sexual pleasure and it is perfectly glatt kosher. maybe you are referring to the abuse of sexual pleasure. the misuse of s.pleasure .like alcohol or food . they in itself are not bad.

pomodoro wrote:


I have no idea what that means. Life is about choice. Nobody forced us to click, view, enter, think, etc. there might have been triggers, but we decided. There are some that have been wired from birth, I assume (although I'm not even sure of that), but certainly not the majority.

pomodoro wrote:


Many therapists and all that I know or heard of disagree with this. of course, we should make choices. All of us know the wrongs and the rights. It is about learning to choose the proper path, the correct mindset; that is what will lead us on the path of recovery.

pomodoro wrote:


Not really

pomodoro wrote:


I thank Mr. New action for startin' me on this. Mr. Podomoro...while one thing you said here is true...the search for sexual pleasure is lust (and that could even be with wife, for the searchin' beforehand is lust...v'ein kan mekomo l'ha'arich), but that which you said that sexual pleasure is "in," and we should ask God to remove sexual pleasure from us is not the mehalech over here. Sexual pleasure with one's spouse is perfectly normal, so if you wanna ask God for anythin', here is what I would ask: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. God, I am an addict and the lust drunk in my head cannot change, but help me learn the tools of recovery that deal with that so I can make the right choices in life, so that the lust will not overcome me. Grant me the courage to change the things I can, for there are plenty of choices that we are empowered with. God, grant my wife and I peace and harmony and that we should always enjoy each other's company...in the kitchen, den and the bedroom.

Thanks

I do apologize if I was too strong or anythin'.
Perhaps I have misinterpreted somethin' you wrote or simply didn't understand.
I could be off on what the mainstream opinion is here, but accordin' to my understandin', I thought it important to post.

I welcome your comments on this and look forward to discuss it further.

b'hatzlachah

Hey cordnoy, maybe every time pomodoro uses the words 'sexual pleasure' he means erotica, not enjoyment of sex? Maybe he understands that sex and the enjoyment of it ok, but is talking about sexual pleasure when there is no actual normal and healthy sex involved...as in you or me reading a sex novel, looking at porn, fantasizing in our heads, masturbating (having sex with ourselves), or using a prostitute, etc.

Have I missed something 'pomodoro'?

Pomodoro, aside from saying that I think your name is cool (but too long, maybe).

pomodoro are you here?

whats going on?