This is my first time posting on GYU.

Today I am experiencing a victory of sorts. I encountered a major trigger and didn't act out. In the past, after encountering this trigger I would have immediately acted out. Instead I told my wife about the trigger, and immediately went to this site. I know that I have to Daven to Hashem from the bottom of my heart asking for help. In the meantime, I know that I must battle each occurrence one at a time, victory over lust leads to victory over lust. Every day is a challenge. every day I am faced with Nisyonos. I'm proud to have managed today's Nisoyon properly.

Welcome Asher!!!

we are all happy to have you here, and you made it to a amazing place with tons of great guys who can really relate to whats going on in your life,

so go ahead feel at home and share with the guys whats going on tell us about yourself and your challenges,

kol tuv and looking forward to seeing you around!!!

Welcome Asher!!!

Sounds like you've found something for yourself already!!

You've left quite a lot out of that post....what do you struggle with? how long? your wife knows? what else have you tried?

don't be a stranger, you're among friends!!

WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!!!!! Incredible! I ditto Yankel, I would like to hear more about yourself!

KOL!!!! Keep on living!

It took me a while to respond to these requests for more information as I couldn't figure out how to use this site. My addiction started slowly. I began looking at porn on line, then came movies in hotel rooms, and finally I started visiting massage parlors. I was never caught. the secret was mine to keep. And I couldn't live with myself anymore. I began to visit a therapist who guided me and counseled me. And then I disclosed everything to my wife. I left nothing out despite the fact that I cautioned her that the details would be painful for her to hear. But she wanted to hear them and I spilled out my heart. Everything. Through it all we have become much closer. I confide in her when I am concerned that I will be going someplace where there are triggers. I carry almost no money. I have a sponsor, go to meetings, work steps, but most importantly, I tell my wife when I am weak. I hide nothing from her.

I could have taken my secret to the grave with me. But I would rather be embarrassed in Olam Hazeh then in Olam Haboh (not that I would have had it). Today it was about 85 degrees in new York and I had to go to a Chassunah. That included lots of triggers given the non Jews who were attending the event tonight. I spoke to my wife before I left, I called my sponsor on the way, and I asked for Hashems help. I was actually Zoche to avert my eyes at the Chassunah as I walked past the multiple non Jewish triggers. They were doing nothing wrong. They have a different set of standards or possibly no standards at all. But with the help of Hashem I was Zoche to rise to the occasion and look the other way. Today's success is no guarantee of tomorrow's success. Each day is a separate struggle or possibly many different struggle. I am Mispallel for Hashem's help each and every day. Since my disclosure I hope I have become a better person. I need to keep fighting for my Olam Haboh. I need to remain sober. Thanks for listening.

Kol Hakavod!

I will freely admit that I am truly jealous.

I wish my wife would know and be supportive.

Meanwhile, I don't think that's happenin' and all my recovery is in secret as well (in the same manner that my pornin' was in secret).

Keep up all the great work that you are doin'.

b'hatzlachah

I am no expert on this, but have you asked your therapist if you should disclose to your wife? It was the turning point in my recovery. Until then I kept making promises and then breaking them. Disclosure was a way of arresting myself. My therapist offered to attend the meeting where I disclose to my wife. I actually turned him down and did it myself. A good therapist can make the meeting a new beginning between you and your wife. If done properly it can be painful at first, but lead to a new beginning. Again please do not take my word for it. I am not an expert. Far from it. I am simply a recovering sexaholic.

Yes...thank you...and it is not for now for me to tell her.
Each case is different.
You wrote your posts very nicely.
Clear, intelligent, short, with humility, acceptance, what worked by you.....just another thing I can learn from you.

Thanks

b'hatzlachah

welcome!!

keep it up

just remember your not working for your olem haba your working for your olem hazeh..
as you said clearly you couldn't live in that lie anymore that's why you started therapy no! so remember forget yidishkiet over here your gonna stay sober (clean) cuz you want to LIVE, and that's the only way you can live life happy and sane... and believe it or not this is what will keep you clean, cuz you just cant live like this no more...acting out with massage parlors, porn, ma. etc... and then be able to face your wife and kids and friends... it feels sick and no connection... lonely... and its just to painful to live with. no matter how geshmak it is to act out it wont compare to the pain and dishonesty and loneliness you feel after. remember its about olem hazeh!!! resoring our life atleast by me its like that

just another yiddishe strugglers opinion.

Thank You Asher for sharing, and for the true humility!!!

My wife knows everything as well, but for the time being I do not tell her what my status is, when I feel vulnerable etc. I am thinking about it now, that I am justifying it by the fact that she asked me to do what I need to do, but to try and keep it away from her as much as possible for she'd rather not have to deal with it consciously.

I am now doubting myself (as I love doing, it makes life exciting), she doesn't want to know about recovery and all that, but she probably would even appreciate to know that I am open and honest with myself and with her, and she'd probably be much more accepting of the situation then......maybe. That is only reinforced by the fact that I would find it very difficult to do, to be so open with her, which probably means that it's a good thing to do.

Gotta talk it over with friends, can't trust myself with something that may have selfish motives, and may make someone else uncomfortable.

Thanks again!!

Thank you all for your Chizuk. It gives me strength to know that I am not alone in this. Maybe by giving each other Chizuk we can make it through today.

Maybe????
for sure!!

and thru today???
Just focus on now!

b'hatzlachah

dear asher,
welcome aboard.
it is very refreshing to hear your success. about telling the wife, i understand that it is to be judged on a individual basis. But when it can be done successfully, no doubt it is a great asset, but like all assets it must be carefully taken care of and isn't a blank check, i think, (i'm sure you know what mean)
please remember this is only my personal opinion,
your friend lavi

Thank you for your response. Based upon your picture you look like you're in great shape! I realize that disclosing to my wife isn't a blank check. But it gave me the opportunity to clear the air, admit everything, and hopefully square with her and Hakodosh Boruch Hu.

Asher

I had disclosed to my wife three years ago. I felt that it would be the catalyst I needed to get clean. I wasn't really on a solid path on the road to recovery then, so it was kind of a dramatic way for me in my mind.

I don't think its a magic pill, in fact, it really created a lot of challenges in terms of the stress on our relationship (we are married now 37 years.) As I say, I wasn't really on a solid path and really still harbored fantasies of being able to "lust like a gentleman" from time to time. Yes, I know that doesn't paint me in a very favorable light, but its the truth.

If you really feel "over the hump" and seriously on the way to recovery, go for it otherwise, in my view get straight with yourself and with HaShem. If you are making progress she'll see it and benefit from it, you'll love yourself more and of course, G-d loves you because He knows what you're truly capable of becoming.

Eli