metalking wrote:
Why dont you just use capitals like, MetalKing or MetalKING?

Ah, isn't it most true of us addicts that we get so caught up in our complex thinking that we miss the simple answer right in front of our nose? And we need the addict in recovery to point out the simple truth.

Thanks Gibbor! :-)

Long live the king.

Metal_King would also work.

gibbor120 wrote:


wait, is it gib bor120? or is it Gib Bor1 20? G. Ibbo r120? I'm so confused!

So today i was thinking about my inner lacking and the importance of a truly caring sponsor.

I recognize in myself the inability to believe that Hashem, who really knows me thru and thru, inside/out, all actions past and present, really loves me.

I think part of, if not all of the reason is because I've never experienced that with another person. My wife doesn't, shouldn't, and couldn't know every thought of mine. I feel loved by my sisters but they certainly don't know everything. My mother passed away along time ago and my father has his own mess.

The SA meetings help to know others are like me and don't condemn me for my thoughts or actions, and can even relate and empathize. But still, i don't get a real vibe that any of them really give two cents about me outside of that hour either.

If I've found maybe one friend so far outta this, its BigMoish but anonymous online has its limitations.

This is where I'm starting to see the value of finding a sponsor to work the middle steps comes in. To make a real life connection, with someone else, who hears every dirty terrible secret, accepts me for who i am, wants to speak to me when i check in, cares about my success or not. What chizuk that would bring.

Hmmm, maybe then i can start to believe the same about G-d.

I think I'll start davening to Hashem to find me a sponsor. (if i have to ask, then i feel like a pity case)

Thoughts anyone?

People could and do love you even if they don't know every thought of yours.
Perhaps your wife as well.

Although I do not know God, I do know that He loves you no matter what.
your sponsor might care and take a strong interest in you; i doubt he will love you.

The fellows here are all behind you.
We certainly care and want the best of each other.

We meet in coffee salons, bagel bites, pizza restaurants and bowlin' alleys.
You couldn't find a better group of guys.

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote:


You missed what I'm saying. I believe my wife loves me. I'm not sure she could/would if she knew me thru and thru, everything I think and everything I've ever done.

And I have friends who I hang out with too. But they dont know everything about me. do yours?

It seems to me that a relationship with a good sponsor provides a real life person who knows the REAL me, all my deepest darkest secrets and still accepts and loves me for who I am. and cares what happens to me.

Experiencing that, I think,would allow me to MORE EASILY believe that Hashem loves me too, no matter what.

But I thank you for your kind words of support.

So, what's stoppin' you?
Many of us took the plunge to open up to real live people; and yes - that does make it feel better.
Does that translate into knowin' that God loves us? I don't know.

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote:


I know i sound like a girl pinning for the boy to ask her out, but Id prefer for the situation where someone asks me if i want him as a sponsor. If i ask, I'll wonder if he just didn't feel he could say no but wasn't really interested and now has me as this burden.

As for feeling Hashem's love for me more, i did raise that I've felt loved in the miraculous coincidences of life that i them realized weren't coincidences at all, they were His loving hand guiding me the whole time. Bli neder, i should start keeping a "thank you" book of all the times I've felt His hashgacha pratis. Still, having a real life person, a sponsor, to check I'm with, to connect to every day would help with that too, don't you think? Can't hurt :-)

Sobriety update:

Bh, Shabbat was two months sober! I continue to see each day that without His help i would fall in no time. I simply cannot cope with life's challenges by myself. Physical pain, like an ingrown toenail or pulled muscle, I'm a big baby. If i didn't pray to Him and stay connected, I'd easily end up turning to lust for a fix.

If i don't ask Him for help being a father, strength in patience and holding back anger and being kind, my kids will drive me nuts and I'll up snapping and yelling at them and making them cry. Which in turn makes me feel awful.

If i don't ask for help to be a good husband and help to internalize The Garden of Peace principles, i get pissed off at my wife and full of resentment.

The only thing keeping me sane and a mensch day to day is consistent prayer to Him.

In fact, as a rule, I'll say: every day of these two months where i squeezed out close to an hour of total personal praying, the day was wonderful; how life seems to be described in recovery.
And every day i failed to pray properly and enough, i felt closer to a dry drunk, the worst days barely white knuckling it to sleep.

Sounds simple but personal prayer for an hour is super tough. That's where maasim tovim really seem to help. Paying shiva calls, visiting the sick (need to do more), going to SA meetings, etc all help me see the blessings in my life and shift my view of reality to good making it much easier to thank Him and ask Him for help with being a better person in return. And that cycle just seems to build on itself.

Thank you Hashem, thank you GYE, thank you Garden books and SA books, thank you friends and fellow addicts who connect with me. Couldn't have done it without your help.

Please Ribono She Olam, please bless me and all the addicts out there in the world, those diagnosed and those sadly unaware to come closer to you and make teshuva, thru SA, GYE, thru the 12 steps, thru Breslev, thru all other avenues You see fit, Amen.

I am not sure what you referrin' to that a sponsor should come knockin' on your door.

If there is such a thing, then go for it; pray for it to happen.

That bein' said, I am actively searchin' out my sponsor.
I will iy"H complete it today.
I know who I want, and I will keep you posted.

b'hatzlachah to you

The second meeting i ever went to, someone said "I'm looking to sponsor someone, is anyone interested"? But i was freshly sober (and i believe you're supposed to be sober 30 days before you get a sponsor.)

I go weekly to a meeting where several guys have been sober long enough to be sponsors. Is it so much to ask that one of them should actually ask me if i want their sponsorship? Or at least they make a general inquiry of who wants a sponsor? I would jump at an offer like that.

Still, I've learned that anytime someone says something to me there might be something to learn from it. So i will note your comment and if i hear the same from many others encouraging me to do the asking, bli neder, i will.

But for now, yes, i will pray to Hashem that he puts it into the right someone's heart and mind to offer sponsorship to me either specifically or generally.

If He's capable of curing you and me of our craziness, what's a little prayer for help with the thought of sponsorship to Him?

I am sorry if it was taken that way.
I have went to many SA meetin's and I have never heard anyone offer, but I'm sure it happened by you.
Since I was not aware of that fact, i only saw two things.
you want recovery with a sponsor but you are waitin' for him to come to you.
and you also pray to God about your situation (which is a grand thing to do...and one i wish i would utilize more).
That was the basis for my comment.
I apologize again.
I have never claimed to be the most sensitive guy in the world; I do try to speak the truth and get to the point.
My apologies again and hatzlachah on all.

If you wait for a sponsor, you may wait a long time. Find someone that you like, and just go for it!