I made the Wall of Honor!

Mazel Tov!!! KUTGW!!!

Mazel tov!

Keep up the good work!

Mazel Tov! KOT! Look at it this way-every day that you are Tahor is like completing a Daf Yomi-it is a long march but well worth the reward at the end of the road.

Hi MBJ,

I was just re-reading this thread and fortunately, I'm in much better shape now than I was when I started the thread. So now your post has a lot more meaning for me now. I can't say that I'm thrilled with my marriage right now, but I've been clean for around 100 days and I've made a huge effort to stop entertaining fantasies and to stop purposely looking at women. I've also vowed to never ask my wife for sex again. If she wants to go to the mikvah and if she's interested, then I will provide, but otherwise I'm not initiating. If it wasn't for all those other efforts that I've undertaken (stopping fantasies, not looking at women), I wouldn't be able to do this. In addition, I still see the woman at work, and even have lunch with her. I can't say that I'm completely free of her, emotionally, but I'm MUCH BETTER. So that's where I am at this point. Thanks again for your help.

You can call me any time and have real friends in recovery to talk to or post to or chat with, any time you like...all because of your taking these real steps.

Hatzlocha today, chaver!

I have to admit some things that I never mentioned before regarding the woman at work. Up until about 10-12 days ago, I stalked her on Facebook. That just means that I looked at her profile and pictures. You can do that on Facebook without being detected. I'm not her friend on FB.

Also, at work I had her on my chat list, so I could always tell when she was in the office. I would look at her chat status to see when she would get in and leave. I took her off my chat list about 1 week ago and I can no longer tell whether she's in the office, unless I see her, of course, or if I see her car in the parking lot.

Finally, up until about 4 months ago, for about 6 months, I would go on Jdate with a fake profile and look at women's profiles. I did this on some other dating website also for about 1 month (I forget which one).

Sounds great. Slowly slowly, just keep moving in the direction to breaking free

I just went through your thread. Very impressive progress. I wish you much success. Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life that needs sorting out.

I don't know how much I can help but I feel for you. There is a book "Garden of Peace" by R. Shalom Arush that a number of GYEers say helped their marriage a lot. Many take a look at it.

Wondering if you have any close friends that you can talk about your BT/FFB stuff with?

Thanks Sparky,

I'm really not upset about the BT/FFB stuff. My emotions were just running out of control for a while because of the issues I discussed in this thread and I was under tremendous exam/studying stress.

The issues I discussed still remain, but they are much more under control now. I barely even speak to the woman at work anymore. It must have been from Hashem - I was giving her advice about conversion (to Judaism) and she didn't listen to my advice so I really don't even want to advise her anymore. Also, she moved (not very far) to a different desk, so she's closer to a different break room from the one that I use. We used to use the same break room, so, inevitably, we would run into eachother at some point almost every day. Not anymore. I run into her about 1/week now and talk for maybe a minute.

I still am not satisfied with my marriage. In my opinion, my marriage problems are just that, marriage problems and not really related to lust issues. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but at least I have some idea of my problems.

Amazing!

Haba letaher Misa'ayim Lo (He who comes to be purified is helped from Above).

Interestingly I recently had a similar thing happen, a person at work who is a major trigger for me was moved to a new role where i don't run into him as often.

KUTGW & KOMT!!!

I've fallen a number of times in the last month. I want to get going up the chart again.

I was just going through my credit card records looking for something and accidentally found that my wife had paid for a subscription to a Jewish dating site back in the beginning of March. I don't know what to do....

It looks like she paid for about 6 months. It's jdate. I went on it and did a search and I think I found her profile. Of course, it doesn't have her exact characteristics and there's no picture, but I'm pretty sure it's her. She's not very good at hiding things.

So you may be asking how did I get a profile on jdate. I made one up about a year ago and was looking at women's profiles. I guess you can say that was my porn. I never paid and never contacted anybody. I stopped doing that about the same time I started here - around Feb, 2014. So maybe I'm just a hypocrite.

It is my hope (and it is allowed in this context) that these lyrics (for it was the first thing that came to mind upon readin' your post) should cause you to break into a smile AND to perhaps see things from a different light regardin' your marriage....if that's possible. Perhaps there is a workable solution here.

b'hatzlachah

I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin' I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

I didn't think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady had fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady and she said, "Aw, it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment and I said, "I never knew."

That you like piña coladas and gettin' caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for, come with me and escape

If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape

Yes I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape

Yeah, I know the song and I'm way ahead of you. I thought of that. That's pretty funny that you mentioned it. I should try it, but then again I would have to buy a subscription.

startrekuser wrote:

It's almost two months later, did you do that?!