startrekuser wrote:


Two alcoholics were walking down the street. Both had been sober for a while and were working the program.

Suddenly one noticed that there was a pub further up the street and he told his companion that he couldn't carry on walking down that road, he wanted to go round. The other one said he was nuts, they'd both been sober for a while and were even walking and talking about the program, they were in no danger of going into the pub.

The first fellow went round, the other went past the pub, not even feeling like he wanted to go in.

One year later the first guy was still sober, the second guy had relapsed hard and couldn't get back to where he was.

Be careful my friend.

I will. Thanks. The amount of time I spend communicating with her is MUCH LESS than is was even two weeks ago.

I haven't followed your entire saga, but here is a letter I wrote to my "friend" when I knew I needed to stop; perhaps there is something in it that could help you.

M,

I must do this.

It cannot continue.

This will not be a long letter, for you know me well…probably even better than I do.

I have labeled myself as an “opportunistic sexaholic.”

When the opportunity rises, I cannot stop myself.

I know what your opinions are regarding porn and masturbation, etc., so there is no need to expound on it.

When we first “met” 15 or 16 months ago, I was completely entrenched in this behavior. It was that way for many years. About seven to eight months ago, I came to two realizations.

1. My life was sick…it was being controlled by outside forces.

2. My marriage could not improve with all the current baggage I was carrying around.

Lately, my behavior has improved, with one exception, and that was you. During our entire “relationship,” you have never pushed me to contact you. You have never tried to convince me to do anything with you. If anything, you tried to help me at times. I valued and respected that in you. I was always the driving force.

It now, however, must come to a screeching halt. I must say goodbye. Not for a month; not for two, but forever. This is strong words that I am writing and I pray that I can keep it. I know that you will respect my wishes. Perhaps I will send an email, text or message. I plead with you….do not reply. I might implore you with several of them…I beg you….please do not respond.

You never were driven by money; you always had a higher value system. I need this to work for my life and for my marriage. I spoke to me wife last week, and I said that my life is even more important than my marriage. What I was saying is that I need to take my life back. We are never in control….God is, and at the same time, we cannot have our desires influence us. It is good to desire, but it must be controlled. I am not able to do that. I cannot afford to lust. I went 115 days without giving in; then I went 90. That pattern, although it is a vast improvement from my past 11,000 days cannot continue. It is a cycle that must be stopped.

I wrote longer than expected. I think I was clear. I don’t know if I will ever be free from all of this, but I must do everything in my power to let God take care of the rest.

I will be deleting my yahoo and skype account. I know there are many ways still that we can contact each other, and I also know that you will respect my wishes and not contact me. It was always me who initiated.

I thank you so much. I respect you. I wish you the best things in life. I hope you obtain your degree and have success in finding a job and helping people thru it. May you see blessings from your boys, and have a wonderful life.

Thank you, Avrohom

Now the key will be leaving her alone, leaving your worries alone, and not responding to any communique's from her even for her to apologize, explain herself, or anything else....if my personal experience in the same boat means much.

It's not about being 'tempted', not about a 'yetzer hora' thing. It's about moving on. Really moving on. For me and many others in this situation, either we move on, or we drag it out and get sicker yet.

You may be an exception to the rule. That's for you to decide, and I wish you hatzlocha!!

startrekuser wrote:



I can't say this as a fact but I don't think the first guy stayed sober because he walked past the pub MUCH LESS than he used to. he stayed sober because he would not walk past the pub AT ALL, even hand-in-hand with another AA member.


why is it important to eat lunch with her at all?

The Doc hit it on the head!
One must make sure that it is "not at all."
I honestly feel that way every time a tayva comes across.
My life is hanging in the balance.
it is not a white-knuckling thing either.
It is a fact of life that these desires will come (and with each win, they come less and less, and when they come, they are easier to be victorious over).

b'hatzlachah

Thanks for your advice everyone. Maybe I do have to move on and not have contact with her, but maybe not. I don't know yet. I do know that each week (each day really) I feel less of a desire to communicate with her.

I request that nobody use Hebrew or Yiddish words in this thread, b/c I don't understand them. Also, if you send me any personal messages, no Hebrew or Yiddish, just English please. My observant experience is almost exclusively within Baal Teshuva circles, so, outside of "Hashem" and "Baruch Hashem", there's VERY LITTLE I understand. Thanks.

Oy gevalt, Tatty in himmel!!

Is Klingon OK?

Yes, Klingon is OK and also Piglatin and Urdu. In fact, I prefer Urdu, so keep that in mind.

آپ کی زندگی آسان بنانے کے لئے کچھ بھی!

گڈ مارننگ!

How about Syriac?

I don't like the community I live in either b/c it's so "black hat". I rarely go to shul anymore since I've moved here.